Wednesday, August 13, 2014

"Why We Waited Until Our Wedding Day to Kiss & WHY IT'S WORTH IT."


In honor of our 4 year wedding anniversary tomorrow, I decided to write a blog about our journey. xo

So, you may have heard our story through our books,  YouTube videos & blogs that we waited 1 year and 8 months to kiss until our wedding day. I'm not wearing it as a badge of honor to pat myself on the back, but moreso to remind this generation that there's people willing to honor God regardless of what this silly society pressures them to do. We decided to honor God NOT to bring glory to ourselves but to bring glory to HIM. He graced us during that season.

I felt led to write this blog because I'm seeing worldly blogs out there encouraging people NOT to wait to have sex until they get married. And these people claim to be Christians. I'm sorry, if you are pursuing sin and encouraging people to sin prior to marriage then you aren't a Christian. You're a liar and the truth is not in you. This may sound harsh, but I didn't set the standard, the bible did. You don't wear the title of Christian because you uttered a few words. Even demons believe in Jesus. There should be some fruit of living for Jesus in your life.

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

1 John 2:3 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

God is clear to us when He tells us that our bodies is the very temple of the Holy Spirit. So, if you are reading blogs that oppose that standard that I encourage you to stop reading. This life aint' about you. This life is about Jesus Christ and through HIM, we can do all things.

So, if we know that sex outside of marriage is a sin because we read these scriptures:

1 Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (ESV)

2 Corinthians 12:21 And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed. (KJV)

Galatians 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness ... (KJV)

Ephesians 5:3–5 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (KJV)

 If I can be totally honest, it breaks my heart that people would encourage others to have sex prior to marriage. It's NOT BIBLICAL. Pray for whoever's sharing the info & keep it moving. 

I'm reminded of: 

2 Timothy 3:1-5 ...'This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.'

First, I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband and he wasn't a virgin either-- but together, we decided to do something different in our relationship. He was 22 and I was 26 and we had never been in a relationship, Gods way. I grew up not thinking that sex outside of marriage was wrong. I thought it was ok. I attended a church that didn't teach anything bout fornication and I didn't even know what the word meant. I called it "fornificantion." When I was sitting in a bible study, the preacher started to talk about sex outside of marriage and I asked my friend, "wait, that's WRONG?!" I seriously didn't know.  Thank God that He took the blinders off my eyes.

Would I have waited to have sex until I met my husband if I would have known what I know NOW? Um. YES. I would have avoided silly soul ties or bridges, heartbreak and pain. I left pieces of myself with guys and those relationships tormented me years after we broke up. A piece of myself in California. A piece of myself in Michigan. A piece of myself in New York. I "almost" got married to a couple of those guys so to say that "we plan on being together anyway-- we should just have sex" doesn't make sense either because it was all based in hope with no concrete plan for the future. " We didn't have a ring. Even if we did, it wasn't final until I do. 

I struggled while I was single because I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to find value. Then, I learned that I needed a relationship with CHRIST, not with a human to be whole. No man, no job, no woman, no degree or anything else can fill this huge void in my heart that God placed there.

In 2004 while in prayer, I asked the Lord for a man that wouldn't kiss me until my wedding day. Deep down, I knew that any guy that kissed me after that.. wouldn't be my husband. Did I still kiss them? Um yes. I didn't do my part either.. but I wanted a man to lead me. I wanted him to tell me NO, we are going to honor God. I wanted a man that wouldn't dare pull my clothes off my body until my last name changed to his legally. I wanted a man that HAD A STANDARD. I wanted a man that TRULY loved JESUS. You see, it's hard for ONE person to have a standard in the relationship but if you guys aren't walking together & on the same PAGE then one person is going to cause the other person to stumble  & fall. Sis, if you don't want to have sex until you get married and your'e tired of running off men with your standard then make up in your mind that you would rather be single & whole in Jesus than to be dating randoms that are only USING your body & tossing you to the side. I had to MAKE up in my mind in 2008 that I was going to be single for the REST of my life vs. being married to somebody who fit my dysfunction. I made up in my mind that I was going to be SINGLE & content in the LORD until He brought His best. I didn't want God to bring someone into my life but there was no room for him. That seat next to me needed to be empty. Then, in 2009 the Lord brought my husband to me.  I knew within 15 minutes that we were going to get married one day. 12 months later he proposed and 8 months after that we married and kissed for the first time on our wedding day. On our FIRST date, Cornelius told me that he wasn't going to kiss me until our wedding day. I NEVER told him my desire. That night I laid in my bed with tears in my eyes and asked the Lord.. "God, how did Cornelius know? Lord, you answered my prayers. Thank you for showing me that your way is the best way."

Can I be honest..

This is the issue sis, so many of us are keeping the seat next to us filled-- not with one man, but with about 10-12 men. Stacked up sitting next to you on this chair. That chair is filled with all of your soul bridges and ties and a few rotating men that you rotate out depending on who will text you back. You've seem to lost your standard & your way because you don't think that any man would truly love you the way that Christ loves the church. You're being hidden sweetheart. You are so beautiful, so purposed, so valued that God has you covered for a season. He's so jealous for you and He longs for all of you and for your eyes to finally be on Him again. He longs for the attention you give to those sorry men.

I recall prior to meeting my husband I was single and working at a record label. A male co-worker told me that I was a waste of a vagina but he used a more explicit word. Some of the artists would try to talk to me through him and he would share with them that I was "a church girl & a waste." Did I get mad at him? No. I was actually sad for him. I was sad that he was being used by the enemy to try to discourage me and he had no idea. I grieved for his soul. Although he didn't know my worth, I knew who I was in Christ and no man on this earth was going to take that away from me. He told me that I was going to be single forever and miserable. I simply smiled and told him that I was praying for him. Why argue? He was ready for a fight and I knew that God could show him much better than I could ever show him. 

This point reminds me to ask you this question: WHO are you listening to? If you're single and trusting God's timing-- why are you letting co-workers, friends, family members & whoever else pressure you to conger up some man? STICK with your standards! Its SO worth it. Don't rush into a relationship to satisfy a nagging parent. Just stop it. YOU have to wake up to that person everyday, not your family members.

So, onto our wedding day and why it was so worth it. 



I remember sitting in my bridal suite and I was so nervous! I was about to kiss my fiancé for the first time in my life. We'd been together for
almost 2 years and our communication was so amazing, I felt like I really KNEW him but I had never seen him naked. Never touched any area of his body in the wrong type of way, never had sex, never kissed- even on his hand. The first time we kissed after we were announced as "husband & wife." We kissed!!! Was it like fireworks? Not really. But it was beautiful. Kinda nerve-wrecking because all of your family is watching this moment! But I was still trying to take it ALL in. I still couldn't believe that we were "allowed" to kiss because I had trained myself so long to NOT kiss.

Now, I'm about to get really personal, when we went back to the hotel room, I was so nervous and not sure about everything. Do we shower together? Does he even like to shower together? Does he help  me take my dress off? We were BOTH super nervous about the whole thing. Did I let it overwhelm me? No. God started this relationship & HE will perfect it if I LET HIM.

Then, we started to crack jokes to help lighten the mood of all of these crazy expectations that we put on ourselves. The same God that joined us together in marriage will join us together in consummating our marriage. He will grace us. He will teach us. HE made sex for marriage. So, I casted all of my care onto Him because He cared for us! I even gave him my guilt. 

You may think, WHY did you feel guilty Heather? I had gone SO long in unhealthy relationships & having sex OUTSIDE of marriage that I felt GUILTY for those first couple months being able to have sex within marriage. I was used to beating myself up after disobeying God that I took that bad way of thinking into my marriage. I had to REMIND myself that God was with us and that HE honored our marriage covenant.

Now,  4 years into our marriage, I'm thankful that we waited to kiss until our wedding day.

  1. I never really respected men because I always felt like they said one thing & did another thing. Courting Cornelius showed me that he knew where he was going and what he was doing. I respected his purpose  & direction. I didn't feel like I needed to lead him. So, your guy should be able to articulate WHERE God is taking him & the part YOU play. 
  2. Waiting forced me to deal with my crazy emotions that manipulated the guys I would date. For example, I was having a rough day while we were courting and I called Cornelius and said I was flying to Atlanta (I lived in NYC at the time) to spend the weekend there. He said, "why?" And I shared with him that I was stressed out and I needed to get away. He told me no. "Wait, NO!" I screamed at him! You aren't normal! I just want to fly down there to forget about my week and you're not letting me. This is NORMAL. He responded gently, "Heather, I won't let you run from your problems. Face whatever is going on there with Gods help. He will help you & show you and I won't be a part of crippling your development." AND then he hung up. I sat there, stunned. WAIT, WHAT?! HOW dare HE?!? Does he not know that I can have anybody I want?! Then, God began to show me that I run when it gets hard and instead of turning to Him, I turn to getting away. So, that weekend I turned off my phone and I sat before the Lord. I let Him begin to pull out that crap that was in my  heart. 
  3. Waiting to kiss forced him as well to deal with communication. He HATED to talk on the phone and the phone was all we had as we were long distance, but saw each other at least 2-4x a month. It forced him to develop and be intentional about picking up the phone and developing in that area. Check out his blog here about other areas it developed for him. 
  4. Waiting to kiss allowed for God to truly flow through us undistracted by physical sin. I had dated this worlds way and courted Gods way. I hated that overwhelmed feeling that I would have after I was doing things I knew I shouldn't be doing. It was refreshing to be able to walk down the street with this guy and hold his hand.. knowing that God was within that relationship. I had NEVER experienced that. It was beautiful. SIN wasn't ruining my CONFIDENCE in the Lord. 
  5. Lastly, amongst so many other reasons, waiting to kiss disciplined us. We had to constantly tell our flesh NO! It was hard at times to set boundaries & to trust Gods timing concerning getting married. We didn't want to rush and make an emotional decision to marry just because we weren't kissing. We wanted to know WHO we were marrying. I am a very affectionate person and for ME, not being able to express my affection was HARD. We never cuddled. We barely hugged. I had to give that care to God daily and at times, I would be in TEARS. I was so used to my fleshly needs being met while courting and this time forced me to trust God. 
There's so many other reasons, but in light of our 4 year anniversary tomorrow, I wanted to share a few things that were on my heart. Note that I'm not telling you to do the same thing as far as not kissing but I knew that kissing was foreplay that would LEAD to other things. I just didn't want to kiss-- I wanted to do ALOT more. So, kissing was the small flame that turned into a raging fire. You may think you can control yourself, but ask yourself.. how has that been working for you?

Be led by the Lord. The last thing you want to do is be in a relationship with someone that fits where you see yourself NOW and not where GOD is taking you. Cut off ANYBODY or anything that is hindering your walk with the Lord. It's never, ever, ever worth it. A tree is identified by it's FRUIT, so if she or he says they are a Christian, they will produce Christ-like fruit. 


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference2015.eventbee.com!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Be sure to click on the calendar above for my speaking schedule! I'm headed to Miami, Atlanta, LA and a few other awesome spots!

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152



God loves you like crazy,

Love you all dearly,
Heather Lindsey 












34 comments:

  1. Heather, this post blessed me greatly. I didn't use to think this way because I was surrounded by Christians who kissed before marriage. I figured that was "normal" and didn't want to be "abnormal." I now realize that what is abnormal to man may be perfectly right to God. I'm going to do my best to save my first kiss for my husband. Thank you sis :-) -From your sister in Christ

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  2. Great post Heather! It was Cornelius' blog post that inspired my now husband and I to establish boundaries within our courtship. We recently got married, August 2, 2014 where we too shared our first kiss with each other. Through the grace of God we remained pure for 2 years and 28 days (the length of our courtship). GOD IS AWE-SOME!!!

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  3. I needed this!! Thank you Heather!! Please don't stop encouraging us!! ❤

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  4. I am so thankful for you and i am so happy for you. Your relationship and marriage surely gives glory to God. May the good Lord continue to bless your marriage, may he cover your family from any plan of the Evil to steal and destroy what you have beautifully built. I also hope and pray that i meet my prince charming. If God did it for you, surely He will do it for me too. Much love and stay blessed. xoxoxo

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  5. Beautiful post, an awesome read, and very much needed for me. ��Thank God for you guys!

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  6. Wow Heather this was your most encouraging and transparent blog yet. Thanks for always keeping it REAL. Encouraged to keep my focus on God in this season and wait on Him.

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  7. I thank God for you and the way you challenge. I thank God that you not only preach it but you walk it and believe it!

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  8. Hi Heather,
    Could you please explain what a soul tie is? This phrase keeps popping up here and there but I still don't have a clear meaning of what it is. Thanks!!

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    1. Hope this will help you. Every covenant is marked by blood like the one of goats and bulls slaughtered by the high priest during covenants in the old testament. In the new testament it is reflected when Jesus died hence blood signified the new covenant. When you sleep with a virgin blood is poured out and this signifies a covenant hence the soul tie. The soul time means that you become one as the bible says if you sleep with a harlot you become one with her. Any person you sleep with signifies a covenant which is reflected in the soul tie. In order to break the soul tie you need to denounce, disconnect and dis-associate yourself with all the people you have slept with in prayer to be free. As long as you have not disconnected yourself from them, you are legally married to them in the spiritual realm hence this is very dangerous. Thanks. Caleb Mwenda

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  9. Heather this has truly blessed me! I too have shared with close friends and mother just a few weeks ago that my first kiss to my husband will be done at the alter on our wedding day. I also prayed that he would have the sentiments. Thank you for confirming and for such an awesome testimony. Blessings to you and yours!

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  10. @theproverbs31apprenticeAugust 13, 2014 at 3:51 PM

    Heather, Thank you so much for sharing this personal story and motivating word. As a woman practicing celibacy, I truly value any insight from a fellow follower of Christ who has done the same! I smile as I read your words because I know mine is coming! I'm often curious of other womens journeys of celibacy. Like you, I am a VERY affectionate person so it has been a true sacrifice. But, also like you, I know I will be greatly rewarded. Thank you for being obedient and setting a standard for ALL women! Well done! P.S. feel free to share more of your stories!

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  11. Love it Heather! I am so grateful for my single season. I will remain single until God brings his best. I trust him and I know he is faithful. Thank you for your transparency and God bless!

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  12. Heather, Thank you so much for your transparency and allowing God to use you. Your ministry has really helped me put things in perspective and to trust God's timing for my life. God bless your ministry!

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  13. Happy anniversary sister! Thank you for the encouragement ;)

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  14. Thank you. I didn't know how to articulate my thoughts to the article you're referring to but I knew the uneasiness in my heart. Thanks for your transparency and reminding us that we are alive because of Christ.

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  15. I really needed this... Not only did u give information but revelation! Thank you as I am on the journey of perfecting my singleness and walking in Gods love.

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  16. Happy anniversary !This is truly encouraging.....God bless you

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  17. Heather,
    I am so grateful that God led me to encounter your blog while still single. I now totally see I could never have had a God-honoring marriage, if God had allowed me to marry somebody before He changed my heart. You've been a blessing to me! God bless!

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  18. God bless you for sharing with us all. I am so inspired. I've been in several relationships where I gave myself to the guys. I even got pregnant and had to abort the baby because I am in the university and the guy is in another country. I pray and hope for strength to live in Christ. I pray for the Holy Spirit to take control. I allow Him to take control of my life.and also connect me to the man after His own heart.God bless you

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  19. I thank God for the woman he has moulded me into,wish I let him in earlier. God bless you heather,where have you been all my life?lol

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  20. Wow, thank you for sharing this. In my previous and only relationship I noticed after our first kiss, rather than drawing closer to God, I was being pulled away. It truly is a matter of self control, of having the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

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  21. Thank you Heather for your continuous encouragement and transparency, may God continue to glorify Himself in your life and union. Amen Happy Anniversary

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  22. I v been encouraged so much with this.it actually pays to wait for God's timing.He indeed makes all things beautiful in His time. I m 23 wil surely wait.God bless u so much.u v made my day

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  23. God richly bless you Miss Heather for this blog. In fact am really blessed.

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  24. I'm not going to kiss until our wedding day, she will be lucky if she even gets a hug from me I'm strictly reserved for God

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  25. This piece has really blessed me.I always wanted to kiss the guy who happens to be in my life for the first time before God at the altar.but of late I've been thinking it's impossible.This piece,I know is from God to me as He used you as a vessel.God bless you!

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  26. I wanted to know your opinion on online dating. I understand that we should be patient and wait on God the bring us the one he has for us, but do you think God uses online dating as a tool? I am 31 an have been struggling with being single and my desire for marriage and a family for a very long time, sometimes to the point of depression. Its so hard watching EVERYONE around me getting married and having a family. I'm really trying to focus on using my singleness for God's glory and not focus on being single but its so hard. Sometimes I feel like God forgets about me, I know that's not true and I see Him work in my life, I just really struggle in this area. When my little sister got engaged I cried for two days. I am absolutely happy for her and am so proud of her, I guess I'm just heartbroken that everyone around me is getting what I've prayed for all my life. Lately a lot of people suggested I tried online dating and a lot of couples I've met met online. I just wanted to get your opinion on it.
    Thank you
    God Bless.

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    1. @anonymous... First of all, I want to remind you of the word of God that says: "Seek first God's kingdom and all his righteousnesss, and all these things shall be added unto you". You see, the desire to get married was placed there by God, and He will bring it to pass. You need to get to a point where you no longer make it a priority in your life, but rather, make it a point of serving wholeheartedly in God's kingdom. Be active in your faith walk, church and anything else that advances the kingdom. Seek to have a better relationship with Christ. I guarantee you, as you do these things, God will bring you to the right position of being found by your life partner. This is from my experience oof also getting married in my 30's.
      To answer your question of online dating, I have known a couple of couples that this has worked for. It is not a personal preference of mine, but I see no wrong in it. The real deal here is that it takes extra work and faith, especially in teh eraly days of establishing a relationship. Whatever you do though, never make a decision to marry until you have done verified over and over, that this indeed is a Godly decision. Check the guy out well, Get others to do the same.. pray.. wait... pray some more... wait a little more... You will certainly know what to do (Isaiah 30:21- And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk you in it, when you turn to the right hand, and when you turn to the left.)

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  27. I was truly blessed and encouraged by this. God bless you.

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  28. Heather or anyone else on here who would like to answer,

    I have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months. I am 22 years old, I live with my parents but I work a full time job and go to school full time. I am only home because they need help with bills right now. I love Jesus and I am saving myself until marriage. I go to an extremely traditional church with people who are not in favor of the relationship simply because of the way we met (online).

    He is a minister of the gospel. We have spent much time together in prayer, in our word, and fasting together. We are both committed to marrying honorably before God, purity. He has been to my hometown to visit. Now it is my turn to visit him. There has been much disagreement with my decision to go, alone. But I am an adult and we have set up accountability with his church family for ourselves while I will be there.

    Am I wrong and considered rebellious because I am still going? Despite their verbalized disapproval? I have complete peace about going. I am not afraid or apprehensive. We have developed quite a bit of trust between us in this 8 months and it saddens me that my community cannot see that I am happy. I just would like to hear from an objective source that my decisions are not rebellious.

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  29. @Anonymous... I noticed your post and see that nobody has responded. Hoping to help in some way if I can...
    I can see your predicament, and I'd like to say, for the sake of peace in your present and future home/household, rebellion is not the answer here. I have known many relationships like yours (i.e. met online) that went on to become happily married couples simply by being obedient to God's word.

    You see, if truly God is in this, and you are both walking uprightly, He has a way of perfecting all that concerns His children, eventually! This perfection may take time, but learn to trust in God's timing. You are still young and living with your parents. This tells me that you should be subject to their authority, whilst at the same time, finding a way of making them come round to accepting this man, if he is truly God's choice for you. I must say, 8 months in a long distance relationship with someone you met online, is not very long, so please give it time. Ask him to visit a couple more times if possible. Go visit him with a friend/family you trust. People are not always what they seem from a long distance, and it is hard to be objective about someone when you are "in love".

    Be careful about "being at peace". Sometimes, the emotional high we get when we meet someone we really like, can be misinterpreted as the "peace of God". Trust me, I have once or twice experienced this. In all, get in the Word of God now more than ever, concerning this... Marriage is one decision that needs all of the wisdom of God, and then some... It is well with you!

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  30. Thanks for your post Heather.

    It''s good to know that some people at least care about this.

    I'm sure a lot of people will laugh, it's obvious to me that not kissing is just a practical solution to not sleeping with your Girlfriend/boyfriend which can in turn lead to all sorts of other problems.

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  31. Thank you so so much Heather, I tap into your blessings

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  32. Wow what a beautiful couple and i love really those pictures and are really awesome.

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