Sunday, March 2, 2014

"Happy Birthday To My Ex"



Have you ever remembered an exes birthday? Every year when their birthday rolls around, you cannot seem to erase that day out of your mind. Although you've moved on & they have moved on-- you still roll your eyes at that day. Or, maybe every time you smell a certain scent, it takes you back to a certain season in your life where you were with someone that shouldn't have made it past hello. Or, maybe you see a guy or a girl that resembles your ex and then bitterness floods your heart. You roll your eyes and think back to "everything they did to hurt you."

You tell everyone that you're over him and deep down, you want to be but something is still holding onto a little bit of rejection. You wonder, "why didn't things work out?" "Why did he choose another girl over me?" "Was I not good enough?"

If it still stings when you think about him.. sis, it's not totally over. Not in your heart anyway. But I have good news! The good news is this: if you're tested and you find that you still have bitterness in your heart-- you can truly let it go and give it to God. I mean, really, intentionally let him go. 

I know maybe you hoped that things would work out, but it's not that you weren't good enough, it's that your very purpose and plan that was predesigned before the earth didn't include that relationship. No matter how many times you replay in your mind what you could have done differently, it wouldn't have mattered-- things happened exactly how they were supposed to happen. 

Whenever I see the bathroom door open, I run and close it as my 1 year old son, Logan going for it as well. I know if I leave the door open, he is going to go right for the toilet and he will have a field day playing in toilet water. He's also going to totally destroy the bathroom. One day, he won't even consider or think about playing in the toilet or the bathroom but as his mama, I have to close that door in his life. He just doesn't know better, but I know better for him. 


Same goes for God. He knew that you were going to play in a "toilet" of that messy relationship and to PROTECT you, He quickly ran & shut the door because He knew what was best for you. Logan typically whines and cries when I shut the door and he even attempts to open it, but I stand firm in my decision and I lovingly pull him away from the door. One day, I will let Logan open the door and go to the bathroom because I know that he won't abuse the bathroom. He will use it for what it's purposed use. Until he is mature enough, I will keep that door closed. 

So, what about you? Did God close a door and are you sitting outside of the door with your arms crossed and mad at him because He won't let you play in the toilet? How silly does that look? Sis, one day-- God will open the door to the RIGHT man. When He opens it, you will be READY. But before He opens that door, you have to let him HEAL you from all of those times you sat bitterly outside of the door-- mad at God.

God loves you so much that He is constantly going in front of you and closing the WRONG doors & OPENING the right ones. Some of us are still prying open old doors and allowing that bad way of thinking to torment us. 

Did you know that He allowed that door to be closed in your heart because you thought that you were going in the right direction but He had to show you that there was no profit? He had to show you that YOUR will wasn't lining up with HIS will. I know it was hard, I know it stung a bit, but it's time to move on.

Want to know why you cannot forget that scent, birthday or whatever else?

This is why:

Brain research shows that every conscious thought is recorded in our "internal" hard drive called the cerebral cortex. When we have the same thought again, the line of the original thought is deepened, causing a "memory trace." (ie. your past). With each continuous thought, the trace goes deeper and deeper, forming and embedding a pattern of thoughts. When an emotion is tied to that thought pattern, the memory trace grows STRONGER.

So, we get saved, break up but we still have that memory trace from our past. 2 Corinthians helps us to deal with that in vs. 10:5- "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."
So, capturing those stinkin' thoughts is going to take some EFFORT and some work on your part. Yes, he broke your heart. Yes, he choose someone else over you. Yes, he played you but either you are going to think on that, or THINK on CHRIST! You have a CHOICE! I don't know about you but as for me & my thought process, I'm choosing to think on Christ! I have been played, cheated on, lied to, verbally abused, beat up and everything else you can think of and I REFUSE to let my past push me around!!

Isaiah 43:18 tells us to "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."- so, I'm dwelling on Jesus and I'm talkin' back to those memories that I should have never experienced.

Now that you understand what is happening.

Let Go.

It's time to burn down memory lane & stop crossing that bridge. 

In Christ, He changes our actions. So don't focus on changing your actions-- focus on HIM. When you wake up and spend time with Him-- it sets your mindset so that you won't just think any type of way. When you are thinking on Him, you don't have TIME to be thinking on whatever else. You're focused. You are a purposed woman and you don't have time for games. When you're thinking of Him, you don't have time to be depressed. When your'e thinking on Him, you aren't focused on your "clock ticking." You see the difference? Whatever you focus on, will amplify. So today, lets focus on Jesus Christ, our Lord & Savior. The end.


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 20,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!

8. I am headed to Birmingham, AL this Saturday and I would LOVE to meet you! Details are in my calendar above! 


Love you all dearly,

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey







43 comments:

  1. Thank you sis. As always you stay speaking so profoundly to me. I have been in that boat of telling people I'm over him but deep down I have allowed myself to constantly wonder why I was never enough for him. I really want to let go and need to. I pray God gives me the strength as I look to HIM and not my ex for my worth. Thanks again for this word!

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  2. We want your application on blackberry world! Please and thank you!!

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  3. Beautiful! Love it..thank you god

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  4. Thank you so very much! I experienced going down memory lane this past Saturday and was in a complete mess but I thank God for a true friend she told me this exact same thing and this blog just confirmed it!

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  5. I needed to see this because I can't seem to get over my ex but I'm reassured that I can now.

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  6. amen...this is a great read but heather how about us the single mamas who have to be reminded of a man who is never there to support us or our kids?how do i forget this guy and just focus on christ...?i love my jesus but this guy put me through so much...we still see each other today...we go to the same college but he still does not care about me and my child...it hurts me soo bad but i gotta move on...its the only way to live out the purpose God has for me

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    1. Pray and give that situation to God. You have to love yourself and your kids enough to let go of a situation that isn't serving you. If he's showed you he doesn't care not only for you or your kids that isn't the type of man you should want. If you need help financially taking care of the kids seek the courts help. Praying for you.

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  7. His birthday is today. As I was sitting crying and praying for him back, I saw this post. We broke up months ago and it still hurts like yesterday. Thank God I have a healer. Thank you for this much needed post. Time to let it go and cleave morre to Jesus.

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    1. This post was for you...you'll be in my prayers!

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  8. Thank you so much for this Heather! I just went through a break up where God ripped the man away from me and slammed the door. Your blog has helped me get through it and see it for what it really is...a blessing. Please keep doing what you're doing, its definitely changed my life and how I look at dating completely!

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  9. Wow, just what I needed. Sometimes I don't even have to think about my ex, but I will have a dream where things go just the way I wanted to with him or I will have a dream about him and the women he dumped me for living a happy life together while I'm left crying. It has happened several times and I wake up feeling miserable.

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  10. You may not know it but in college alot of girls read your blog and quotes. It has helped us to grow. It is also wonderful to learn from others mistakes. Thank You. My Adam is Sleeping.

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  11. I really needed this. Thank you!

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  12. This is exactly what I needed to read today! Thanks for yielding to the Holy Spirit and writing this post! It's good to know I'm not the only one that has gone through this and I'm not crazy when my mind stays on rewind regarding my ex and why he chose her over me. It all starts in the mind!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

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  13. I sooo needed this. Thank you so much for speaking to my heart.

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  14. As always, a very timely post. Thank you for sharing.

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  15. I really like this blog because it also applies to other exes such as friends. One of my ex-besties has a birthday today. I really do believe that door was closed for a reason. All that came with that friendship was trouble, hate, anger, etc. Rarely did anything positive come from it. Now I hear from mutual friends of ours that she has said a lot about me behind my back an so on. It's only by God that it all ended considering I'm 17 & pretty introverted and struggled on how to break our friendship. Thanks Heather for the encouragement and God bless you and your family.

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  16. Just what I needed to be uplifted! Thanks so much, Heather!

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  17. The break up happened years ago.
    A couple days ago last week, I found a video with him and I and as I watched, a weird feeling came up. As I was thinking on it and let the Holy Spirit tell me what was going on inside after I watched, I came to understand that I have been mad at God and unable to love well... Walking in rejection, low key disobedient to God and all He asks and just overall resenting Him. He's given me so many promises and I would come to a place where I would believe or want to submit but it would never last. I couldn't understand what was going on until just recently. I realized (and am openly recognizing it now) that I really loved this man and gave him everything drop of pure love I had. I cherished his presence in my life and I felt very special with his companionship. He noticed things about me that I hadn't paid attention to and it made me feel very beautiful. I didn't even know how deep all of this was until I watched that video and this emotion filled my heart; it was intense. For a while, in myself, I had felt so numb, or I would be really sad or depressed but it was like in watching that video something broke and I began to understand. I thought I was in the will of God. I had no strange ideas concerning him (thank God) although we kissed and did some other things we weren't supposed to. After breaking up, I also thought I was fine.. I was hurt but I survived on the hope that we'd get back together, until I found out he began to go out with someone I consider as my little sister. It was too much.
    Our break up date is coming up and yes I remember his birthday (vaguely).. And one of another "him" after this "him". But I say all this to say, thank you Heather Lindsey, for your constant obedience to God with these posts. It has led me to a certain deliverance. I pray that one day God will use me to touch other young women in the same way just like you. This blog inspires me a lot; many of the posts; recent and old. May God bless you with more.

    Thanks again, and love you in Christ,
    HJZ

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  18. I just read this and it speaks about me
    I'm always saying I'm over him and the things but still catch myself getting mad about them
    He's here still in the picture but not 100% we have a daughter and that makes it a bnh ut harder. But thanks for this post because I need that boost

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  19. Thank you for consistently speaking life through your posts! May God continue to bless you!!!

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  20. Hi Heather, this post really hit home for me. I feel like I've been sitting at the door God wouldn't open and been bitter lately and this was such a good reality check for me and the fact that I need to trust God and His timing and plans in my life over my own. Thank you!! Be blessed!

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  21. Hi Heather, this post really hit home for me. I feel like I've been sitting at the door God wouldn't open and been bitter lately and this was such a good reality check for me and the fact that I need to trust God and His timing and plans in my life over my own. Thank you!! Be blessed!

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  22. Awesome and very motivating read. Thank you!

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  23. Thank you Heather! You're a blessing to me :)

    I've learned so much from your blog. It really does edify, correct, rebuke and teach us. Just yesterday I was ready to accept that some memories will remain with u even if u move on. Little did I know I'd read this. Its what I needed to hear. I've never read any post from u and not relate to it...God is doing wonders with u.

    You have people looking up to u, like us. Never forget that. I thank God for u.

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  24. I am in tears knowing that God has locked the door. I have been banging at it for months. Reading your blog has made me stand up and walk away. I am still crying but I know in the end Father knows best. Thank you I really needed to read this.

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  25. Thank you so much for this post Heather! I really thank God for this. Reading it tears literally fell so hard that I could hear them hit my pillow. It hurts so bad but deep down I know that God had to close, lock the door and throw away the key because I could not do it myself.

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  26. Thank you Heather. This was a perfectly timed answer from my father. Just this morning, I was thinking about the ex, who broke my heart, then went on to get engaged to someone else. I want to believe I'm over it. God has shown me a glimpse of what He saved me from, but I was asking myself/him, if I'm over it, why do I still think about it? And how will I know when I'm REALLY over it? Because I go from peace most of the time(even being thankful for the lessons and wishing him well in my mind) to moments when something strikes me and I feel anger out of nowhere.
    Your post is a timely reminder that I need to stay in prayer and conversation with God to maintain that peace. It's clear as a bell that the devil is making attempts to distract me with memories of hurt and rejection. But I know that's not what God wants for me. Thank you for letting him use you to speak to me. <3

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  27. I love your posts and I can relate to every word of it! #focusonGod It's the best medicine/cure for a break up or let down.

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  28. Awww! Thanks Heather Lindsey :) God has been using you so greatly to bless my life each day. Your post truly read my thoughts these past days, I have been fighting so hard to forget my Ex and all about Him. But Thank God for using you to send this timely message to me. I truly appreciate it, God Bless You Real Good Amen!!!!! :)

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  29. Awww! Thanks Heather Lindsey :) God has been using you so greatly to bless my life each day. Your post truly read my thoughts these past days, I have been fighting so hard to forget my Ex and all about Him. But Thank God for using you to send this timely message to me. I truly appreciate it, God Bless You Real Good!!!!! :)

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  30. Thank you for this.. I was very blessed by it. I have to keep remembering that God closed the door for a reason and I have to trust His judgement and stop going back to try prying it open again!

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  31. All I can say is this is nobody BUT God! Last night I had the most random dream about my ex. We're both married now. There were years where the stronghold had not been broken, even 2 years ago when I opened the door again while in a dating relationship... sirens going off yet I ran the red light big time! Yet God has restored my relationship with him and my now husband. For odd reasons my ex still pops in my head and I try hard to cast down the thoughts and make them obedient to Christ. Just this morning, before even seeing this post, I'm driving to work and my ex's birthday which is in a few weeks pops in my head and I'm like Lord whhhhhhhyyyyy! So I go again casting down the thoughts. Heather thank you for this reminder and for allowing God to use you! You've blessed me this morning and no matter how I feel I must believe God's confirmation thru this post and in my life

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  32. Ladies, write these scriptures in note cards, carry them in your purse and whenever thoughts creep him, pull them out and kill those thoughts with the Word. Others that may help:
    James 4:7, Philippians 3:13-14, 1 Corinthians 10:12-13, Proverbs 4:23

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  33. Wow!!! This blog is so Awesome!! And this blog is not just about our ex but to take control of your life which is taking care of your thoughts because so a man thinketh in his heart so is he! God has been really dealing with me in this area. God bless you! U are truly a blessing to the body of Christ!!!

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  34. All what u saying was "TRUE STORY" Heather... all above written is happened in my life... it has been a year, I barely over it, plus his birthday is exactly the same with my dad #firstworldproblem but God is sufficient right xx

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  35. Loveyou sis your such an inspiration!

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  36. Thank you so much for this just as I was praying and crying I was somehow led to this page and I feel sooo much better now..thanks for the confirmation and God bless you!!

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  37. thank you Heather about this blog it has blessed me today ,I have been reading it but I did not the purpose behind until today ,I was experiencing the same that I experienced 2 years back.I did not get why it seem not get forgotten in my mind .today I will definitely ask God to renew my mind and ask Him to give me his thoughts.

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  38. I really appreciate this blog Heather. God works in mysterious ways.

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