Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Secret Sins: Masturbation & Pornography





If you see a girlfriend dating a guy that is no good, you can see it. It bothers you as you share with her why she needs to get out of that unhealthy relationship. If you see someone overeating and gaining weight, you can see that. If you see someone cursing another woman out.. you can see that too.. but what sin is being done quietly.. away from the church members, behind closed doors-- where nobody is looking? Masturbation or sexually pleasing yourself and pornography. Is it a sin? I mean, you aren't bothering anybody? Yes, sis. It is and the sin is a sin against your own body. Although people cannot see what you're doing behind closed doors-- just something isn't right about you. You are walking around with the spirit of lust burdening your heart. And although you don't think you are bothering anyone & nobody can see you-- God is always watching and so is satan. Satan is laughing at you as you once again, make your body your idol and turn your heart away from Christ. Exactly what he wants.

Today, I pray that you're set free & then laugh back at satan & show him that his tricks didn't WORK.

I may not get alot of amens for this, but I had to post what the Lord placed on my heart. You can be in church every Sunday and Wednesday, spending time with God daily but still getting pulled in to please yourself. Masturbation is nearly always the result of lustful thoughts, sexual stimulation, and/or pornographic images. It is these problems that need to be dealt with. If the sins of lust, immoral thoughts, and pornography are captured and overcome, masturbation will become a non-issue. Many people struggle with guilty feelings concerning masturbation, when in reality, the things that LED to the act are far more worthy of repentance.You're only ACTING out on what you saw. And eventually, what you are doing may not fulfill you-- so you may go and try to act out what you've seen with some random man (or women for you men reading this). Then, you're pregnant out of wedlock or now you have herpes for the rest of your life. Was it really worth it? If only we recognized the end of a thing at the beginning.


Quick story:
I went to a Beyonce concert-- and yes, I'm using her name because I believe that many Christians are very wrapped up in attending her concerts. I sat in the audience in 2005 and I felt dirty. I felt the spirit of lust on me. I had to leave the concert! It's a PERFECT example that we have to guard our hearts against what we are watching. It's for your GOOD. The dancing, the pumping, the music-- is all planting seeds in your heart. And if it bothers you that I used this example, ask God to show you why it bothered you. Are you defensive because you don't want to let go of secular music? If you're struggling with sex outside of marriage or making ungodly decisions, it has alot to do with what you're planting in your heart. If you aren't submitting to your husband, then listening to these R & B artists sure won't help you with that.

Ok, back to the topic--
So how do you get free from it? 

1. You recognize that it is a sin and repent of it. Repenting means to TURN to a different direction. So when you turn from it, you delete any videos, throw out anything that causes temptation and refuse to go to places that cause you to stumble. 

2. Guard your heart against the open doors. For example, if you're watching a certain show that has sexual scenes  or listening to music that talks about sex, lust or sexual acts then, shut it down. Stop going to the different blog sites that talk about "sex tapes" or "see so & so celebrity naked." Don't you know that those things are PLANTING seeds in your HEART? You're creating pornographic images in your mind and those images are producing masturbation. 

3. Recognize that even though you're celibate from having sex with a guy, God views masturbation the same way. God views it as sexual sin and we should as well. We should desire to live HOLY as GOD is holy. So, look at it like this: You're having sex with yourself and the Holy Spirit lives on the inside of you. Does He feel welcome there?

4. Stop hanging out with people that talk about sex. Look at your heart as a ground and you must make sure that whoever you're spending your time with-- is guarding their heart as well. 

5. Spend time with God daily. This walk with the Lord is a daily journey. The less time you spend with God, the more likely you will be open to masturbation & pornography. After you read your bible, you'll  be sensitive to God's spirit and you won't want to sin. After you read a gossiping blog, you'll be hardened to it and won't mind because "it's not hurting anybody?" Actually, it is hurting someone, that someone is YOU. How can God breathe His glory into your heart if you're too busy idolizing yourself?
6. Recognize that marriage itself won't cure the lust that you have and the desire that you have to watch sexual movies and masturbate. Don't you know that you will compare them to what you see on the videos and will expect them to perform some "porno" show? As if GOD needs a porno to HELP your marriage sexually? HE is GOD. He created SEX to add to your marriage and if you have to use ungodly means to add to your marriage-life, then you're pushing the Holy Spirit out & inviting other spirits in.  
7. If you and your spouse are living apart due to work or because one person is in the military, it isn't the time to introduce porn or masturbation to "hold each other over." Do you not have the Holy Spirit inside of you that has given you a gift of self-control? If you take your attention off of your flesh for 4 seconds, it would give God a chance to pour His spirit onto you & make you content during that season! STOP running to ungodly things for freedom when true and lasting freedom is found in Christ alone!

8. And why do you and your husband need to get aroused by watching porn? If your husband cannot arouse you by being HIM, ask GOD to help you to be sexually attracted to him. STOP using the world's tactics in your bedroom. 

9. If anyone wants a porn blocker, x3watch.org is great option. For those who don't have self-control and need something to literally BLOCK their computer. It will be your accountability buddy if you don't have one. 

10. Again, turn off Usher, Trey Songs, Beyonce & whoever else is dropping sexual seeds in your heart. 

There are some biblical principles that can be applied to the issue of masturbation. Ephesians 5:3 declares, “Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity.” It is hard to see how masturbating can pass that particular test. The Bible teaches us, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). If you cannot give God glory for something, you should not do it. If a person is not fully convinced that an activity is pleasing to God, then it is a sin: “Everything that does not come from faith is sin” (Romans 14:23). We, We need to remember that our bodies have been redeemed and belong to God. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). This great truth should be directing us on what we do with our bodies. In light of these truths, the conclusion that masturbation is a sin is biblical. Clearly, masturbation is not glorifying to God; it does not avoid the appearance of immorality, nor does it pass the test of God’s having ownership over our bodies.

I'm not here  to beat you down or tell you that you're so horrible, I'm telling you to REPENT. God desires to use you and you must learn to be patient and trust His timing. So, the next time you have a desire to please yourself, STOP letting your FLESH rule your HEART. Fight BACK.



Just a few things:

1.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis" (there's another church that holds service there too). 931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA- in Theatre 6.

2. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com

3. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

4. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 13,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

5. To purchase bracelets, cross rings, my book, tote bags, fabulous shirts, purity rings & all that other good stuff-- go here: www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com . JUST for visiting this blog, I'll give you 10% off! Use the code: JESUS

6. I will be in Baltimore next week for a Singles Conference. I would love to meet you! I also added a few more states to the calendar today! :) My calendar is here: www.heatherllindsey.com 

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey


(A family photo taken last week! Logan is 4 months now!)




69 comments:

  1. This is awesome!!! I know many people do not look at masturbation as a sexual sin, but I am so glad you were obedient to God and giving us exactly what He gave to you. God Bless!

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  2. Hi Heather,

    I must say, i have been reading this blog since last year June, and i always feel so refreshed reading everything, but today, i am really grateful you shared this touchy but crucial subject.
    I was struggling with masturbation and porn, and whenever i was angry i would take my anger out on them. Most people dont want to discuss this topic, they feel uncomfortable talking about it. Worse still its so easy to judge others when they open up about silent sins.
    Truth is, i could have just prayed and cried to God instead of filling my time and thoughts with things that do not build me as a person. I knew what i was doing was wrong, but i was so scared of crying out for help because i felt i would be judged.
    But the most beautiful thing about Christ is, no matter what, he wants a close relationship with us, and he will eventually win us back. So thank you for sharing this, and thank you from the bottom of my heart that didn't judge us in any of this as you wrote it.

    and ladies, always take this, just like Heather said, if u cannot glorify Christ in any of the things you spend your time doing, then why on earth are you doing them?!

    May God bless you Heather, and that gorgeous family!!

    love,

    from a refreshed soul!!

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  3. So first and foremost, I must say I haven't been to your blog in a while like I use to. And as soon as I read the title of your lasted blog on masturbation, my mouth dropped!! I didn't even read your whole post yet. I had to send this comment first. Honestly, I've been dealing with this since I was 12.Recently, it's become worse this year alone! And its been tough and I've tried stopping COUNTLESS OF TIMES!! And I'm completely worn out! I've prayed and fasted in the past, but I've continued to stumble. I never had anyone I could trust to hold me accountable so I do feel that's why I still struggle to this day. I'm not married, still a virgin, haven't been in a lot of relationships and so I definitely struggle. Every time I come to your blog it's right on point for whats happened/ happening in my life. Thank you so much for addressing this issue because I have battled back and forth trying to 'justify this sin' of why I do masturbate and watch porn when I'm only grieving my spirit. Please keep me in your prayers.

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    1. Yes I know just what you're saying and sis there is hope. I too have struggled since I was 12. I'm not married, still a virgin, and haven't been in a relationship. I know that God is preparing me for my Adam and these issues only get in the way but sometimes I just give up the battle and let my feelings win. I'm frustrated, annoyed, and ashamed really. Still I know this is not the me God has for me to be. And slowly day by day, I am growing. When I get those urges, I do an identity check and remind myself who and whose I am in Christ. When that's not enough, I go further studying my Word and preaching to myself and having a date with Jesus. We are more than these desires. We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus.

      Thsnks Heather! Great post :)

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    2. You are not alone sister. Since i was 12 also i have been struggling with masturbation and pornography. Heather really has a way of speaking to us girls through Christ!

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    3. I can totally agree. I've been struggling with pornography since I was 10 years old. I know that God will make a way each day to shield me, but instead I periodically choose my will instead of HIS. I've gotten to the place where I became so numb to watching porn and masterbating, that I started to believe that it is a part of me. I started to convince myself that it can't be a sin, but I know deep down that its soo wrong. I ask for prayer to spiritually fight by letting Jesus take the wheel and changing my surroundings and what I let in because that's the only way.

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    4. I was just thinking about this today, more like everyday. I've been doing it since I was 17. I am also still a virgin also, even though it sometimes doesn't feel like it because of what I've done and seen. But thank the Lord that I know Him. It's hard to try and tell someone about this. I've only ever told one person. A stranger at a church I sometimes go to. They asked if anyone needed prayer. So I went to the altar and she prayed for me. That was a little more than a month ago. I would like to say that I haven fallen into masturbation and pornography since then, but that would be a lie. I'm coming to understand that I can't quit this sin by myself. God is strong when I am weak, and as Heather said above, I need to be in His Word daily.

      I just wanted to reply to your comment to let you know you are not alone. I sure felt like I was the only one doing it for years. But now I am trying my best and setting up precautions to help me not fall again. We can overcome this again.

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    5. Hey love,

      Thank you for sharing. I started when I was younger than 12 years old. I continued since I was 22. I have been touch-free since for 5 months now. You can too. The desires will come up, but when you truly seek God with all your heart, mind, BODY, and soul, you will overcome it. You have to have faith that He does provide a way out of all temptations. Also, make a pros and cons list on masturbation. After I did that, I never wanted to do it again. The cons outweighed all of my pros tremendously.

      Hope this helped.
      -Your sis

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    6. I've had this problem in the past too. I started when I was very young around 12 and it has taken me over 10 years to break this habit. It seems like this is the enemy's way of keeping us virgins in check because I always felt too ashamed to come into God's presence after I committed these lustful acts.

      I want to share how I was able to stop and I pray that I will be able to help at least one person out there.

      1. You need to want to stop.
      I had tried to stop multiple times, but I never really wanted to give up. Until one day I was tired of being a slave to my own flesh. I also used to have dreams of men sleeping with me and I had no control over it. Someone told me that they were spirit husbands, I thought masturbation was an entry way for this to happen. So this gave me extra motivation to stop. I'm glad I did because I haven't had such dreams since I broke free from the addiction.

      2. The power of a thought.
      I watched this sermon by TD Jakes on the power of a thought, it is an awesome message I really recommend you watching. The long and short of it being before you act on anything the thought comes into your head. This is really the key to winning this battle! What the enemy does not want you to know is that "as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7). So the moment I got lustful images in my head I immediately said "Lord take them away" or I would sing God's praises. I did this for 2 night's straight and afterwards I felt like the chains had been dropped off.

      Don't get me wrong I still struggle with urges, sometimes I get spiritual attacks of lust but I just pray in tongues and the spirit goes away.

      Keep praying Ladies (and Gents) and just keep walking with God, you will get there :)

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  4. Love this blog post, Heather. The temptation is so great I unplugged my TV. I too have not watched scandal... Ever...for thus reason and I don't look up to Beyonce. Would you mind if I asked you what shows you and the hubby watch on TV? Besides house hunters :-)


    Stay blessed

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  5. Also, how do you feel about shows like toddlers and tiaras, shows on MTV like catfish or anything on BET?

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  6. "Masturbation is nearly always the result of lustful thoughts, sexual stimulation, and/or pornographic images."<<<i'm so glad u say it's nearly always the result of such. in my case, it was the result of lacking discipline and refusing to trust/wait on God to calm me and help my needs be met in His design, in the healthy way, in marriage by my husband. was simply meeting natural, healthy, biological urges in an unhealthy way. still sin. still indicative of lacking discipline and trust in God.

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  7. *crickets* LOL Now come on y'all. There are usually 20 "amens" & "preach sis" within the first 10min of a new blog. I'M FEELING CONVICTED OVER HERE! This is something I struggle with off and on. My husband does too. Our sex life is fantabulous, but sometimes we do sneak away for some "me time". We make excuses for why we do it, but we know we shouldn't. We're about to start marriage counseling at church and I would like this to be something that we address. I thank God for speaking through you today with this message. I needed it. ALWAYS RIGHT ON TIME!

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    1. Serena, please help me out. Why do you & your hubby have to masturbate if you are married? I would think your needs would be met when you have sex together. Please fill in a sister. :)

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  8. Thank you so much for this post. It is almost taboo to think that women would mastrubate and you dont find alot of blogs that would talk about it. I'm a young girl that deals with and I honestly have been praying to God to help , your post was God answering my prayers. Thank you ! God bless.

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  9. Thank you for this. I've been seeking council on having immoral thoughts inclined to women lately and found it hard to speak up because of the shame associated with such things. So I thank God for placing this topic on your heart regardless of the stigma. I've noticed over the past few weeks as I've been disciplined in seeking God's face and casting those thoughts down those thoughts have subsided. It really is a case of guarding ones heart. The smallest things can plant seeds seemingly innocent "love scenes" in movies etc. And also to remember lust is an asexual feeling. Women can lust after men and women so watching Beyonce prance around scantily clad can arrouse a person just the same as watching Trey Songz half naked. Be weary,
    God bless you Heather!.xx

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  10. Due to health issues, our sex life has decreased a lot. I remain the spouse with the higher natural drive. I can be thinking about doing laundry and will masturbate. As Heather said, I need to spend more time with God and less time pleasing the flesh in other areas. Lord help...

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  11. For years I've struggled with these secret sins. It's true that it all starts with what you think about. I have repented and thank God for His grace and mercies i know i'm forgiven. You can overcome masturbation and porno through daily guarding your heart and mind. I'm more careful about what i watch or listen to.

    Be blessed.

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  12. Wow!! Heather you always hit the hammer right on the nail!
    I wondered why Christians were always so silent about issues that really plague our community. Nevertheless, I have been struggling with sexual sin for way too long. I pray about it but not really. Ya know? Its like "Oh I need to stop"....starting Friday! lol. I'm always starting a different day and that day comes and goes and no change. You are right about the music and tv shows. I definitely feel the tug of sexual sin watching and listening to these things and although I got distant from God lately, I'm getting back on track.

    Thank you girl,
    Your always so honest and I love that!!

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  13. God bless you for posting this i have been struggling bc of unholy connections. When i was prayed up and saturated with Hid prescence i didnt struggle with immorality but when i started to compromise on friends andcfellowship i fibd myself in a real mess. I am trying to root out the seeds that have been planted long long ago and thank you sometimes its hard to confess bc others dont want to address their own sins and immediately judge you but praise God for grace and mercy. Im going to have to remove some people i love out of my space bc its feeding my addictions, i dont want to GET PRIDEFUL bc its easy to do God bless you for having the courage to speak the truth

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  14. I fell into sin(masterbation) due to rebellion, it started with lustful thoughts and graduated to sinful behavior bc i was angry and tired of waiting or rather more so angry and feeling God had forgotten me in my singleness. I felt like well since you arent gonna bless me anyway. And now im dealing immorality sin shame and possibly a life threatening disease. All bc thoughts had been planted by an ungodly seed that God doesnt care and cares more about punishing me then ever giving me a husband. But that is a lie it wasnt a husband i wanted but to please the flesh and now im paying a price consequences are rarely swift but happen months later and since God is not mocked now Satan has stolen the very thing i said i wanted which was marriage. Pray for me

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    1. Hey sis don't let the devil tell u it's over ,cause it not. You & I have sin with our & it was wrong. God word say he will never be mock with that being said we all have to pay for our sins. The wonderful thing about God is that he is a healer ,he the creator ,so he the cure for all diseases . Keep ur faith hun cause God can & will heal u inside & out. Be bless sis

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  15. Last thing i know its highly offense to God so through counsel and working and staying busy i believe i got victory with Gods help, i also believe i have grace and gift of singleness so that helps but i would mediatate on Gods ways word the only time its hard when others get to marry and i cannot that is the time i am a lil envious but God says' you ask and have not bc you want to consume it upon your lust' james thats about right its hard to wait but if God has not given me marriage i must obey Him still. Sex is a gift only for marriage, if God has not given it i cannot consume it upon my lusts bccthat is extremely selfish thanks for this

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  16. Amen Amen! I love it.. whew if not everyone I know most of us can relate. I am very grateful for this blog. Bless you Ms. Heather!

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  17. I've struggled with this since age 7 or 8... I'm now 21. Needless to say, it's a major struggle. I think it's also important to identify how sin creeps in. My pastor taught me the acronym HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). I find that I usually fall into temptation when I'm one of these 4 things, especially lonely.

    If anyone wants a porn blocker, x3watch.org is really good. For those who don't have self-control and need something to literally BLOCK their computer.

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  18. You hit the nail on the head with this one. This is something I struggled with particularly over the past 3 years but really all my life. I was exposed to pornography at the age of 7 because one of the adult cable channels wasn't blocked. I know what it feels like the devil is laughing at you when you fall. This battle with lust is not easy but I refuse to lose! I won't go back to that bondage! I don't spend time with God everyday like I should but I'm depending on God to keep me free and I'm working on our relationship. My heart goes out to anyone who struggles with lust, pornography, and masturbation. Press into God, block your favorite sites, and get an accountability parter. Stay free everybody!

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  19. Heather, I admire you for speaking about this touchy subject! I also admire how strong you are in your faith that you dont mind sharing what God placed on your heart despite how others feel because you know that there are others who really need to hear this and witness what God has done and is doing in your life. Its definitely a struggle. Keep Going Sis! We are paying attention. I Thank You for this message! God Bless you and your beautiful family!

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  20. I went through the same thing as a young teen but at the time I was not saved. During those periods though I was a virgin and iv remained one up until now (age 20). Nway even after getting saved, I'd lust on every guy that I kinda liked and that would lead to masturbation. At the back of my head I'd always wonder what God thinks but because I'd never seen a blog or sermons I'd simply ignore that voice. But everything in my life really started changing this year, I told myself that I'm tired of having one foot in the world so with the help of the word I simply turned my back on my thoughts. The devil got me at being impatient- dating- and this lust but otherwise I hardly do anything. Therefore when I was sitting alone I realized that he'll attack me where he knows that I'm either ignorant or choosing not to change and these were the two areas. I was listening to Tony Gaskins once when he came to our church and he said that when he goes to sleep- in another country and without his wife- he is laying in bed with the Holy Spirit. I just thought that, that was so beautiful! So till this day I appreciate sleeping but I appreciate it so much bcs I know that I'm laying in my bed with the Holy Spirit of God. So I don't defile that beautiful spirit that has been given unto to me instead I rejoice that God has his eye on me at all times. My point is, I heard about the Holy Spirit and I completely stopped doing all of this. Just fight the battle in the minf while knowing that its pleasing to God and that He wants you to WIN! Thank you very much Heather! We- as young christians- NEED this! And GOD forgives us guys so don't be weary but press on.

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    1. I am in this situation now. I struggle with masturbation when I'm bored or alone. I know that it is wrong but when my thoughts get to going and that desire comes over me it is hard to let go. I feel so guilty after the act is done. I needed another way to think when I get lonely. When I am in my bed I will think of sleeping with the holy spirit. God is watching me at all times . Thank you for this.

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  21. Heather, I am so grateful that you posted this blog. I am a young man trying my best to be & remain delivered from both porn & masturbation. I really needed this information. I appreciate your ministry!!! God bless!

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  22. Heather thank you so much for writing this post. Like many other sisters, I started masterbating at a young young to feel control, satisfaction and love. In my teenage years I had specific songs that I would listen to that would help me to sin. However, in the last six months, I have cut out secular music and skip the Sex sections in magazines like Women's Health. I work out more often and have been watching what I eat. I also avoid alcohol if I am out with friends at a restaurant 'cos I know that I will go home feeling a certain way which often would lead to masturbation. In conquering this area of sin, we have to know how God sees us, know that He has the power to purify us once again, learn to value our bodies, minds and soul and stop engaging with people, drink and media that will make us prone to sin. I stopped using YouTube late at night because one click can lead to another, and before you know it you are on something sexual. Clean up your Twitter timeline, Instagram and Facebook. It may seem drastic but we are too precious and we can't continue to destroy ourselves for 2-10minutes of pleasure

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  23. NO RANDOMS doesn't mean getting a vibrator, masturbating and/or watching porn. We have to pray and fight. Flush out the images from our minds with the help of the Holy Spirit. Pick up the Bible app on your phone, play worship music. Some people who want to stop self harming have a rubber band on their arm, whenever they want to cut themselves, they pull the rubber band - it's a painful tactic but something similiar could give us a physical reminder not to masterbate or watch porn. God, His word and spending time with Him is the most powerful thing. We are not too far from receiving His healing xoxo

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  24. Sometimes,you can block out all the music, shows, movies, websites etc but still..... I haven't listen to secular music in years and I screen shows/movies i watch...BUT during that time of the month...my hormones get out of whack.... I am 31 and never been in a relationship so what am I supposed to do??? I would rather not burn with lust (1 Cor. 7:4) but God is not sending any man my way, I feel non existence to them.
    So I have accepted, it's just me and God... I am accepting my fate of singleness. I truly desire to honor God with my body. but my mind wanders even with all the SECULAR things I have blocked. A virgin because no man has touched me but in my mind, so I live in fantasy, hopefully that someday, I will know what it's like to asked out on a date...
    Until then, it's me and God as i fight this battle...

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  25. This absolutely speaks the TRUTH! I'm blessed reading this and yes... I am finding a lot of answers here.
    Thank you ;)

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  26. Was I the only one who read this and responded like the little girl on the AT&T commercials going "ooooooohhhh" when the other little girl said "what about infinity times infinity?!" LOL!!

    But in all seriousness, Miss Heather this was RIGHT on time! OMGoodness! I always want to talk about this to get real feedback, but it does seem to be a hush-hush kind of thing. I'm guilty of doing this (masturbation) as well. Got introduced to it in college by an old boyfriend and I've been doing it ever since. As a single, I notice I really want to do it (and too often cave in) right around the time of my cycle coming on. I'm celibate, but that week before my cycle I am literally like a cat in heat. So I "rationalize" it that I just need to get the "pressure off" and it helps me avoid getting with a random.
    Completely unacceptable and the sad thing is I KNOW it. Would always feel guilty before and after doing it.

    And you are right about sexual scenes in movies and shows. I have my girlfriends laughing at me because I either turn the channel or look away if something sexual comes on because I don't need that kinda motivation.

    Your post has truly made me think about how much deeper and stronger my faith and my relationship with God could be if I confessed and repented from this sin. How much lighter would we all feel if we confessed all of our secret sins?

    Thanks for writing this!

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  27. Awesome! Bless you real good for making this known to the world. I'm free amen

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  28. Thank you for posting this. I struggled with this a lot when I was younger. For me, it was mostly tied to failure and rejection and not really sexual pleasure. During a season when I was really growing in my relationship with the Lord, I was delivered from this sin. I hadn't masturbated in several years. Recently, I went through a really stressful time in my life where I felt like there was a dark cloud over my life. The enemy was attacking me at work, at home, and even at church. I tried praying, but I the attacks just continued. I got discouraged and committed that sin after all that time. I was so upset, and I cried out to God about it. I asked Him why teachers weren't dealing with this issue. I believed that so many people in the body of Christ were struggling with this issue, desired to be free, and didn't know how. Then Heather posted this. I am so happy Heather that you are bold enough to bring into the light this secret sin. God says only when we bring our sin into His light to be exposed that He can remove it. Light always expels and exposes darkness:

    But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. (Ephesians 5:13)

    I truly believe that masturbation is one of those things done in secret spoken of in Ephesians 5:12. It’s such a shameful sin, and truly shames those who are bound by it. It brings so much condemnation and discouragement.

    I'm glad the Lord revealed to me the root (failure and rejection) and why it crept back in. It happened because I wasn't fighting with the Word. I was allowing myself to be beat up. In Psalms 18:4, it says that He teaches our hands to war. We have to learn how to fight and to stand up against these sins. And we have to learn when to call for backup. I didn't do that, and tried to fight all the things coming at me at one time. My flesh is not strong enough to fight against spiritual wickedness in high places. I must use the Word to defeat the enemy. I thank God for His patience and His faithfulness to me. I am praying for everyone brave enough to post their stories on this blog. Don’t allow yourselves slip into condemnation because of this. Allow your sin to be covered in the Blood and wash yourselves with the word of truth in this post and the Word. Thanks again, Heather for your obedience and literal answer to my prayer!

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  29. AMAZING post Friend!
    We have been getting many questions, updates and posts regarding Masturbation, Lust and even how Husbands & Wives are attempting to be loosed from this lustful sin. We are so thankful for the Marriage that you and your husband represent. Thank you for saying the things all of us are thinking and PLEASE kiss that handsome baby for us.
    Praying for your Family always!!
    ~iCleave Ministries/The Marriage Concierge

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  30. Another great post Heather. Love the family pic : )

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  31. Heather, I love you for speaking about this! I too, have masturbated at a very young age at about 8 yrs old like many have mentioned above. I'd always wondered why nobody ever addressed this in the church/youth group while growing up. Yet; they'd always talk about sex outside of marriage?? But never lust, porn,& masturbation. I thank you for continuing to listen to the holy spirit & being obedient to his voice, despite offending others. Amen! I still struggle with the spirit of lust to this very day, & I am 27 yrs old! But b/c I've deepened my relationship with Christ by getting in the Word everyday & praying, it is gradually releasing itself from me. Ladies, deep intimacy with God is key to being set free from the lustful stronghold! Also, jot down scriptures about lust on an index card and say these scriptures out loud really helps you to fight off the evil spirit! God Bless you Heather!

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  32. Mrs. Heather, this is a WONDERFUL blog!! I became obsessed with sex at a young age, I saw videos, begin experimenting pre-sex, started having sex when I went to college, I wasn't happy until I have sex. . It was soo horrible, and I didnt realize how much I was harming myself. . I used student loan money to pay for subscriptions to porn sites - I was that desperate!! I even thought at one point it was okay to masturbate as it was safe. . The devil is so crafty and we have to be really on guard especially against these "secret sins". . I was stuck in that phase for almost a total of six years. . However, I prayed about it and God delivered me from it. . I am happy to say that as of June 2009, I have been celibate. . I have sometimes have to go back to that lifestyle but I know that God did not intend that for me. I am thankful that God has given me another chance to live this life. . Thank you for you speaking on this topic. . I believe God will free alot of people because of you!!

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    1. I meant I sometimes have "desires" to go back to that lifestyle but I know God did not intend that for me. . .

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  33. Thank you heather for sharing this topic. I really struggled with this issue ever since my cousin taught me how to masturbate when i was 5 yrs old. God knows how much i want to stop but i always failed. It's haunting me even in my dreams. I dont know if im doing it unconsciously while sleeping or it's really just a dream because it seems so real. I prayed it to God and even fasted before but still i keep on doing and doing it all over again. And im sick and tired of it because im grieving the Holy Spirit in me. Now, im starting anew. Im keeping a journal now because i never done so before. Im writing my daily bible reading reflections and prayers and everything i wanted to say to God. I know He will help me to be victorious from this addiction..
    Thank you so much.. Im so blessed with your life heather. God bless you. :-)

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  34. This is definitely a taboo topic, so kudos to you for addressing this issue. I struggled with lust and masturbation for over 5 years, and earlier this year I was finally FREED from this sin. After years of trying to stop on my own, this year I realized it was not through my self-effort to stop...but through God's grace. I could not stop by myself, but ONLY through God's helping hand. I am thankful for His grace! And now I eliminate the things that provoke lustful thoughts. God is not condemning you for lusting; He simply wants you to ask for His help so He can reveal personally how much He truly loves us and has saved us through Christ. I am set free...and you can be too!

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  35. Amen Heather, thank God for your obedience! This is a subject many refuse to talk about because of fear of judgement but what most also fail to realize is that God wants us to be free from this bondage! I was delivered from from this secret sin and I thank God for cleansing me :))

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  36. Thank you Heather
    I'm coming out Free in Jesus name.

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  37. Amen. . . Thanks for this post. . . So many friends ask my advice. . .#instantshare... everyone gets in heat round their cycle but it's a spirit that needs praying about. . .
    Pray it out and pray in the Holy Spirit and His fruit. . .self control....

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  38. Thank you woman of God. I strive to be holy in every area and this blog has delivered me. I didn't think as a woman that I would struggle with masturbation and pornography, I thought it was more of a man's problem. I'm grateful that you speak openly about this secret sin. It is so needed and helpful.

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  39. Thank you for this blog! This has been something that I've struggle with at a very young age.This is truly helping me out a lot.I'm thankful for your ministry it's also helped me out a lot.Please continue to pray for me.God Bless!!

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  40. Praise God for this post Heather, what is done in the dark must come to light and too often we are afraid to talk about silent sin. As someone who struggles with mental fantasies of me and my Laz Alonso look-alike husband I realize that we must honor God with our mind, heart, soul and body! It is hard to turn away from the secular music, TV shows and even feeling outcast when friends discuss sex. But greater is He that is within me than he that is within the world and God is worthy of our sacrifice and living a pure life for Him.

    Thank you for your obedience and I pray God continue to refresh you as He uses you to build the kingdom.

    Lillian

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  41. Thanks for this post! This is a poem, written with tears and frustration with myself, after the last time I did this. IM FREE YALL!

    Why do we hurt the One who loves us the most?


    Why is it so easy to hurt the One who died for us?
    How can we abandon such a great love for such a bleek feeling of satisfaction, of promised fulfillment.
    How can we turn our backs on someone who sacrificed ALL for us?
    How do we do it willingly?
    How can we expect forgiveness? Freedom? Happiness?
    GOD loved us so much he gave of Himself. He gave us LOVE. Yet we turn our backs on it. Reject it. Spit on it.
    Ignore it. Avoid it. HOW?!?!?!
    Hes IN love with every part of me and I cant even stay faithful to HIM?!
    Why do I deserve a Husband who will love me like Christ and I cant stay faithful, even at lustful temptation
    to my Savior. While he can see me, while hes watching...
    I go do the unthinkable.
    Thoughts of promised pleasure, unimaginable... To get rid of this desire, uncontrollable.
    Placed in me by the creator of the Universe, knowingly.
    The biggest fight I will ever fight is within me, against my own flesh, my own desires, my own thoughts.
    They overtake me, flood.
    Look away, think of something else..
    Beat stronger...
    More Intense..
    Get rid of this feeling.
    Ill just watch one video.
    I will only do it once.. Just to make the feeling go away..

    How can he Love me while he Sees? While he KNOWS?
    Nobody knows but HIM yet he loves me..
    It only breaks HIS heart..

    Why do we hurt the ONE who loves us the most?

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  42. Wow Heather! Thanks so much for being brave enough to talk about this issue. I too have struggled with lust and masturbation since I was 10 yrs old. Im a virgin and now 26 yrs old. Its been such a struggle for me as Ive always known it was a sin. But God is faithful and soo good! It was so bad that at one point I thought about killing myself because of the shame. I was trying so hard to get free in my own strength and always failing miserably. But thank God we overcome through his blood and his unfailing love! When I finally allowed God to help me in his power I saw a big difference. For me masturbation has a lot to do with feeling rejected and unloved. Ive used it to mask the pain of these negative emotions. But God doesn't want us to mask our pain or dull it with masturbation . He wants to heal our hearts and set free. His love is the key! We have to admit to Him and ourselves that we can't overcome by ourselves then He can step in and help us! For me, its been a long journey to freedom and something Im walking out regularly. I still get tempted to this day and sometimes (rarely) do I give in. Its something I have to keep asking God's help with. So my top tips are:

    1. Get it into the light - talk to someone about it whom you can trust. This for me was the scariest thing Ive ever had to do but at that point I had hit rock bottom and was desperate for help. I believe its such a big key because this is a sin which is done in secret and Satan knows that if not exposed he can control us and lie to us so that we can never be free. Praise God we can be! I was afraid I'd get judged for it but the opposite happened - I was loved in spite of it. I confessed to a lady in my church who completely showed me the love of God. It turns out shed had a different addiction in her past so she was able to relate to my struggle.She then held me accountable, prayed and talked with me a lot through the root issues of the sin. This helped me tremendously. Ask God to show you who you can trust and he will.

    2,Draw near to God - I find Im most vulnerable when my relationship with God is in a funk. Primarily I think lust and masturbation are issues of the heart. Its different for different people but if we are satisfied in God then we wont need to turn to masturbation. The love of God CAN AND WILL satisfy us!

    3. Get rid of the triggers that cause you to stumble. For me its music, tv, books that are sexually arousing.

    4. Pray in the spirit/tongues - this key I found is soo powerful if I'm tempted. I'm not sure how it works but it does! If I'm tempted and start praying in tongues that desire dissipates completely. Its amazing!

    5. If you sin - repent - Go straight to God, confess and repent from the sin. Don't wait for the devil to cripple you with shame and his lies. Run to God! -easier said than done when you've sinned but I believe this is our only hope. God will not condemn you but will forgive you and cleanse you - 1 John 1:9
    My mentor used to say - Get up quickly!

    Just know ladies Im praying for you! Keep fighting in God's strength and you will overcome. There really is hope! I used to think there wasn't any hope but now I know there is. God will not let us go! He loves us! Even if you have to get up 100 times a day after you have sinned - do it! God is with you! xxx

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    1. Wow! I'm going to tell another person about this soon and I am SO scared..but I cant wait for the freedom

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  43. Thank you for this!
    One question though?
    I had stoped doing this shameful sin
    But I ended up backsliding once again and I dont understand why I gave into the temptation. Recently I had decided with Gods help to study more his word and work harder in his ministry.I felt so horrible after I did this shameful sin. I remember praying and telling the Lord that I was angry at my self for doing this again and that I was sorry and asked him to forgive me for this horrible sin. Now I just feel bad should I tell someone about this ? I am determined with Gods help to never let my self back slide. I am a born again christian. I just really want to why us Christians end up doing a sin we once said we wouldn't do again, again?

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  44. Baffled by this post, i have came to a point where i am ready to..where i have given it all to God. My total down and out point was getting herpes(before i got in that relationship i wanted to buy myself a abstinence ring and stay abstinent until marriage,But the devil didnt like it and i feel in the devils trap,) and No it was not worth it. But i know its not the end of the world or to late for me nor will hinder me from getting married to the right man. but i felt like my life stopped and at the moment of being desperate i begged and pleaded to God to heal me. but even so i still felt like yea its not true i dont have it and still living my life as i always was.half in the world half in the church. but the moment where i really felt and seen i needed a change was this holiday i couldnt even enjoy it with family i was very mean and cold towards them because my random and i are apart for college winter break and is not acting the way i want him to. i know its silly but it had total control over my life. mind you ive been being warned to let him Go. after looking for advice on me and my boyfriends subjkect u came across heather lindseys blog and i am so blessed im so happy im so eager to know God again, to see her story and see that she changed her life that her single life story mirrors mine and it gives me hope that i can be be where she is now and where she is with God gives me hope. And even gives me hope tht God will HEAL me of any disease that is present in my body once i start to obey and do his will. I know he is a healer! I just ask that you pray for me to stay strong and not turn back on God. I want to do things the right way like i planned before, but even then i dont think even being celibate with a promise ring to myself that i would have been doing this right. God makes no mistakes.(why i never became angry about the diagnosis i knew God was calling me and getting my attention and know he will heal me if i just obey!) its no mistake that i am on your blog site, This is what i needed to live my life without question. God is even speaking to me now saying if i just obey..he will restore it all...im so ready! Thank you Heather

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    1. Thank you for your story. God is with you.

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  45. I have struggled with this for many years. But unlike most, I didn't keep this a secret. I wanted to KNOW was it REALLY a sin....so I asked my Pastor when I was a teen. He was terrified that I would ask such a question. But he was my spiritual leader, so I figured, why not ask? I've spoken to many people over the years about it, and I've gotten a bunch of opinions with nothing to back it up. So I've been abstaining from masturbatory for awhile now, simply because I figured if I'm going through all this trouble to SEE if it's a sin or not, I must be convicted already in my heart. And James tells us that if we do something that we think is a sin (whether it is or not) we HAVE sinned. That was enough to stop me. This blog is a reason to maintain. All these years this is what I have been seeking. Convicting words with the scripture to back it up 100%. So thank you Heather, for being obedient and posting this. Even all these months after you posted it, it's still blessing people.

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  46. Thank you. Like so many previous posts I struggled with this for years since my i was 10/11. I finally realized at 35 it was effecting my marriage. Having a much higher sex drive than my spouse I thought it was ok to masturbate and he said he didnt care. I realized too late it had been planting a seed of lust in our marriage. We have been separated for over a year and both struggle with sin. We will defeat this though. Dont give up!

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  47. I have struggled with porn, masturbation, romance novels, erotica or whatever you want to call it since I was 13. I didn't see anything wrong with until I got saved and heard a preacher talk about it for the first time. I felt so convicted and hopeless because I figured if I'm not having sex then at least I can still do this and be alright. Biggest lie ever. And now at the age of 21 and single, it has become the biggest mountain for me to cross...
    I'm in college and even though I do attend on campus Christian gatherings, I often isolate myself and feel alone and that's when it starts usually. I'll read a new romance novel and before you know it, I've done it and I feel like I'm literally dead inside.
    I talked to God about it, but I just feel so ashamed.
    To me this is truly one of the heaviest sins to me .
    I go to class's and smile and laugh but I feel so fake and phony because I feel like this sin is robbing me of who I am,....
    I asked God for an accountability partner and I am going to a a women's retreat this weekend.
    So I pray that i will be delivered from this soon.
    Thank you so much for this post Heather, God bless you.

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  48. Pornography is also a tool used to introduce the spirit of Homosexuality into you because you're not just looking at the opposite sex. And we wonder where thoughts of Homosexuality come from.

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  49. I also struggled with this and recently became free from this sin. I was hiding this for many years. Finally, I accepted that I had to talk about it. I was very scared because I didn't know what reaction I was going to get. I chose to tell my mom. She prayed for me and still does. That very moment I was set free. I feel free. I know that I am forgiven and I know that God can and will restore my purity. Ladies, it is ok to talk about it. Seek God and repent. There is freedom on the other side of things that keep us tied up and afraid. Be blessed sisters.

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