Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Unequally Yoked?




I think it’s important to address this area because unequally yoked relationships are hindering our walk with God in regards to our friendships, courting, and especially in your dating relationships. Then, you look up and you’re married to this person that you’re completely unyoked with but because you were so focused on leaving the title of being “single” behind—you ignored ALL of the warning signs and married this fool who “said” he was a Christian.

Let's clear up a few things:

1. Yes, you can be unequally yoked with someone at your church or another Christian. Just because they are sitting under the same word as you-- doesn't mean that they are taking it and applying it to their life. Maturity comes when we start living this walk and passing these tests.

2. Yes, you can be unequally yoked with your friend. At times, there's a fork in the road of your relationships where maybe your friend stops pursing God as you continue to pursue Him. You may find that surrounding yourself with that friend is pushing you further and further away from God. You find yourself compromising and heading the wrong way.. but you just don't know why.

3. Yes, you and your boyfriend could be totally unyoked. Maybe you're trying to make it work because you don't want to be single. Maybe you're rationalizing because .. you're tired of being lonely. Maybe you both are working on your relationship "together" as you sleep "together?"

4. NO, you don't throw away every person you think you're "unequally yoked" with-- some relationships (mostly FEMALE friendships develop & grow into great relationships as no relationship is perfect), but YOU have to control the environment (ie. invite her to church or to a positive event.) And knowing God-- He refuses to share His glory with your little sorta-saved boyfriend so--most likely, He already told you to break that off.

5. YES, you can be free from soul ties by confessing your SIN to God and HE will cleanse it. (1 John)-- Sometimes, we think we need this whole emotional production at church to be free from a soul tie. WALK in the cleansing POWER of CHRIST & turn away from that sin. Now, by faith-- continue to choose Christ and the light. Then, GUARD your heart. Block him from social media, change your number-- do what you have to do.

6. YES, there's times you will have to pull back from your family and not surround yourself with them 24-7 as Christ builds your faith. They may not accept or understand your walk with God and criticize you for it. Stand firm in love.

Even demons can “say” they are a Christian. What would you say if satan came up to you and said.. “I’m a Christian, I’ll go to church with you on Sunday.” He goes to church with you—lifts his hands during praise and worship and shouts like he was delivered from something. Would you believe him?  Well, you’ve just met most people that are in church today. We sit in church on Sunday for one hour a week and we live the rest of the 167 hours a week like no God exists on this earth. Although they may not be satan—they live their life like they belong to Him.

 1 John 2:4- “If someone claims “I know God, “ but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love Him. That is how we know we are living in Him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.”


So, I'm saying that you cannot just SAY that you’re a Christian and expect to get into heaven. If you belong to God—you will live in the light and stay in the light and make decision that line up with His word. Yeah, you’re not perfect but if you DO sin, He’s faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you. (1 John 1:9) However, a real Christian isn’t practicing SIN. They practice holiness. They guard their heart. They’re intentional about living for God. So I challenge you. Do a lifecheck. Is there some fruit growing on your tree that PROVES that you live for Jesus? Stop telling me that you belong to Jesus if you hate someone that hurt you. (1 John 2:10). When you take each day—day by day—you’re living for Christ. When you GIVE Him your hate, frustration, issues and problems-- and ask Him to help you and you really mean it-- you're living for HIM.

So now that we have the basics down about what a real Christian is—let’s take a look at how to identify an unequally yoked relationship. You know deep down in your heart if you aren’t equally yoked with someone. You just know. Especially if you spend time with them and see how they respond to life’s issues. You may ignore those areas because you “love” him and he’s “on his way to being saved” or you’re trying to “get him saved.” The only thing you can change on a boy is his diaper. A man has to want God for himself. You may have been with that person for a really long time and you don’t want to start over with anybody else but you know good and well that person,  (insert name) is not God’s best for your life.

2 Corinthians 5:14-16- “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.”


Remember that just because someone says they’re saved, they can still be an “unbeliever.” An unbeliever is someone who refuses to believe God’s word and live according to His ways. I'm so tired of Christians running around and saying they got saved at 4 years old and since then-- they've been living like hell on earth. YOU are LIVING for your master. Is your master GOD or satan? Your lifestyle best identifies with who your father is. 
         
Preaching in MO this past week! My hubby introduced me!

Let’s look at a couple of scenarios.

1. An unequally yoked boyfriend or girlfriend can pull you so far away from Christ. They will poison you with their “ideas” and “philosophies” about God while planting seeds in your heart.

They may say, we are planning on getting married—"it’s ok for us to have sex. Nobody is going to know—I just want to be one with you. I’m committed to you and you’re committed to me—we have each other." Sounds like something out of a movie right? You feeling’ all warm and fuzzy inside but STOP. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20  “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.  Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” YOU cannot trust that man with your own purity and you're about to trust him to lead your life in a one-day marriage?

Your little boyfriend has made his flesh his “god” and is about to rob you of your purity and relationship with God by taking what doesn’t belong to him. Don’t be that girl that goes along with him. Your relationship will only get worse as you push God to the outside of it. Remember those that choose Christ are abiding in the light. They are choosing God when it’s hard. Remember that our relationships are supposed to push us closer to God—not away from Him.

   2. They can weaken your faith. It’s that person that constantly doubts everything about God based on some weird “logic” that they came up with.  So if you’re hanging around a ton of “friends” that are of different religions, you’re setting yourself up if you aren’t strong enough. Meaning, most likely, you will end up doing what they’re doing versus your Christian values influencing them. You cannot tip-toe around this area.

1 Corinthians 5:9 says “Do not associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulged in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to believe yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, worships idols, abusive, is a drunkard or cheats people.”

You may be thinking that this is a bit extreme. God knows that you’re not going to walk around sinless and neither will those around you but this text is referring to those people that deliberately sin, feel no guilt, shame or remorse and then come up with excuses in their head to why they think it’s ok. If you continue to read that same scripture—it says to JUDGE the person inside the church who claims to be a Christian yet indulges in sexual sin. This isn’t a chance for you to yell at everyone and call the out unless you’re ready to call yourself out. You go to your sister in Christ and confront and discipline that person from a caring place of LOVE.

If you have a friend who you are watching go downhill in a certain area—talk to them in a loving way about this. But check and pull your emotions together before you speak to them. It’s vital for your walk as a Christian to make sure that you’re surrounding yourself with believers and Christians that live for Christ. More than anything- be GOD led.

Don’t you REALIZE that there’s a reason that God doesn’t want you to associate with people that aren’t going in the direction that you’re going in? God told Abraham in Genesis to LEAVE his family and go to a place where God would show him. God didn’t even give specific instructions. He just said GO. So, when God tells you to “go”—what excuse do you give? You don’t want to leave your boyfriend that keeps sleeping with you? You have chicks around you that are dropping seeds of doubt in your head? Are your “unequally yoked” friendships pushing you away from God? Of course they are. The proof is in the pudding. You get around that girl—and you find that you complain, gossip and feel heavy after leaving her presence. Back to the story—God told Abraham to get away from His family because his family worshiped idols. They didn’t belong to God. God needed Abraham to GET away from those people that were framing his thinking. They had influence on him. So.. who is influencing you?

Your life is much greater than having a billion friends and a ring on your left ring hand finger. At some point, we have to learn to trust God concerning these temporary things. Eternity is knocking at your door and you don’t want to stand before God and say “I didn’t obey you because I was too busy & distracted trying to keep a man that you never told me to keep.”

I know I will get this question—“What if you’re married?” Well, if you’re married—this isn’t a reason to run and get a divorce. You win your husband over to Christ by your quiet & gentle spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Trust me.. I've won my husband over in certain areas concerning areas in our marriage. I've watched God change my husbands heart because I learned to accept him-- ISSUES and all. I knew that I couldn't change his issues but CHRIST could if I moved out of the way and LET Him. YES 1 Corinthians 7:14- "For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." HOWEVER, your goal should not be to marry somebody who is NOT equally yoked with you. Paul is referring to a person's "current" state-- not somebody who is pre-planning to marry a random. His instructions for that was "DO NOT DO IT." Don't marry an expectation that a person will all the sudden change once you get married. You WILL deal with so many other issues that come with marriage if your husband isn't saved. So don't even gamble with it. PLUS, how can YOU trust the leadership of your one-day spouse if his father is the enemy? So if you are married-- continue to pray and ask God for grace. But if you're not-- don't use this as an excuse to run and marry somebody. You will remember my words if you do. 

At the end of the day, this Christian walk is going to cost you something. You are required to DIE. Die DAILY. Die to your old way of thinking & being and taking on the image of Christ. So, you may think.. “my situation is different, we’ve been together for years and years and he says he’s saved but—I don’t see any fruit but he’s working on it.” Well, sista- you need to let him work on it, over there. Don’t be a distraction to his walk and most likely, while he’s working on it—he’s still dealing with his carnal nature concerning his flesh and your body. Don’t allow yourself to become an idol for a new Christian. They’re searching for somebody to depend on – make sure that space is empty for Christ. And make sure that yours is empty as well so it can be filled by CHRIST. You don't really need that man to be satisfied, you need CHRIST.

Few things:
SO sorry I haven’t been blogging! Hubby and I have been traveling NON-STOP & preaching everywhere! It's currently 10:51pm and we just landed in the Bahamas today as I preach on Friday! Whew! It’s pretty awesome and I’m thankful—I’ve just been busy and this growing belly is a reminder that I need to slow down. Also, baby Lindsey is a BOY! ☺ I cannot wait for March 2013! I will be blogging more moving forward! ☺



Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!
www.pinkypromisemovement.com

You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store! 
www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com

Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!
www.pinkypromiseconference2013.com


Have you picked up my husband's book? "So, You Want To Be Married?"
www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com 

God loves you like crazy!
Love always,
Heather Lindsey 
(last week in MO)- 22 weeks pregnant! 




81 comments:

  1. WOW I was recently baptized this past September after years of being a so-called "Christian"living in constant sin. I'm now a strict follower of the Bible. I found about you randomly on twitter and its so encouraging to finally find someone being very real and upfront following the Bible.!! Thank you, your pinky promise campaign is inspiring! --@LuvlieCassie

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  2. Thank you Heather! I have been waiting on this! :)
    I am a "new" Christian, its been about 5 mths since I have fully dedicated my life to Christ. It is really hard. I live w 7 ppl, and I am the only one attempting to live according to the bible. My bro & sis call me weird bc I don't do what they do. sometimes, i feel like I dont belong, but i have no where to go.

    I guess my question is, What do yu do when you're unequally yoked w your fam, and yu cant just "go"?

    I feel like I can't get ahead in life because of my environment.

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    1. I updated it and included that above! :) Let them develop you in love. Keep those eyes focused on Christ!

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    2. Thank you Heather for this wonder post. It was very nourishing to my ever so growing spirit! To the anonymous post above... I kind of know where you're coming from. I say this to you in response; God will never give you more than what He feels you can handle. Who knows? Maybe God put a calling on you to be the light that your family needs! It sounds like you weren't born or raised in a christian environment/family and you really are one of the first examples that your family have to see what its like to live a christian life. Play your role well!!! God is using you. Before you know it (as Heather stated in her post) your quit and gentle spirit - 1 Peter 3:4 - will have drawn them to salvation... He promises to strengthen you where you are weak, so pray to Him and no one else!! Direct your questions to Him and "He will" answer them. God bless you!:)

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  3. I love this post. Can you speak on breaking soul ties after you have been involved in an unequally yoked relationship....

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  4. I love this blog Heather! Choosing to live for God, and being willing to make the sacrifices to actually walk the Christian walk the right way surely is not easy, but I know it's worth it. Thanks for all of your encouragement :)

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  5. Heather,

    I have seen and heard several situations where my girlfriends are in relationships thinking they can "change" their guys. Shoot, I've been there as well. But after learning the hard way, I realized it's pretty impossible -- as you said, "The only thing you can change on a boy is his diaper." LOL.

    But if this is the case, how do you interpret 1 Corinthians 7:14?

    "For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

    Doesn't that mean that if a woman/man is sanctified and the spouse is not, that the woman/man can turn their unbelieving spouse to Christ? Maybe you can help me understand.

    Thanks! <3

    P.S. It was a blessing seeing you speak in MO! Come back soon!

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    1. Hello! I addressed that above! Paul is referring to women in their current state-- we should RUN and marry somebody & try to use that scripture while ignoring God. It's a formula for disaster as we have to go through MORE if one's husband or wife is not saved and has no standards. We cannot TURN anyone to Christ-- Christ does that and can USE us to win a person over by our example. But do you know how HARD it is to "win a man over" when he's CHEATING on you and treating you like garbage because his father is the devil? Why would one even put themselves in that situation? xoxo

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    2. Amen!Never again will I allow myself to be unequally yoked ever again in all type of relationships!It diminishes your personal value and worth in Christ Jesus,and stunts your growth....I Am The Bride of Christ Now and Forevermore!; )

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  6. Awesome, Awesome, Awesome!!! God bless you sis!!!

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  7. Mrs. Lindsey, thank you for giving this message and giving it directly in line with God's word. Sometimes we want to change it and edit to make ourselves comfortable. I've struggled in the past with letting go of that 'best friend' that wont live for God or that boyfriend. Just relationships that didn't bring me closer to God period. We have to live according to his word and that means giving up certain people and things. I get that now! Thank you...

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  8. As always this post was right on. BTW I love the new pinky promise ring and I want to purchase it, but I want to make sure I get the correct size. So, do you have a ring sizer on your website or can you refer me to a website with a ring sizer that matches your new Pinky Promise ring? Thanks and be blessed :)

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    1. Your best bet is to go to a local jeweler and get your ring finger sized! :) It's true to size!

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  9. Thank you for this post. Taking time out of your busy schedule. God bless u! And Congrats again!! Pregnancy suits you! May the Lord continue to bless you and all that's yours! Amen!

    Tell the World

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    1. Means a ton! Thanks for understanding! Hugs!

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  10. thank you Heather!!! I'm really happy about being single in this season because as I was reading this, I didn't feel convicted. and whoever comes my way I will have this to remind me. and yes I have a best friend and I realizes that we are in two different stages in our lives but I know God gave purpose to our friendship. Because what God wants her to hear, it comes from me and that makes me happy. I'm praying for her daily!!

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    1. I know what you mean! I have a friend like that too! :) Blessings to you sis!

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  11. Hi Heather, I'm Cierra and I'm from the Bahamas Nassau actually you're over here and I was trying to comment on your status but it wouldn't let me. I wanted to know where is the conference tomorow that you're having

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    1. Hello! It's tomorrow at 7:30pm at the College of the Bahamas Performing Arts Center!

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  12. I normally dont leave comments but this just touched me beyond words. I'd been feeling a certain type of way about this subject matter for a couple of weeks and I started to blog on it (why you shouldn't and cant be with someone of another religion). Problem is I know within me why but the words weren't coming out properly and as a matter of fact, one of my friends challenged me and said no it is possible. Going back and forth with him made me realize how lost & misunderstood he is so I'll definitely be sending this over to him. Thank you for putting in words what my spirit wanted to share with the world.

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    1. Thanks for commenting love! :) Continue to be a light for your friends!

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  13. After God told me He wanted me to grow up the friendship/mentorship I had with someone I really cared about and still care about ended. It's like God kept warning me and I ignored Him. He told me "You go looking to hear from me through them, but I will speak directly to you." He also told me "You must grow up." I cried like a baby during that sermon and what's worst is I shared it with my mentor right after the Holy Spirit told me not to and our friendship ended tragically. She was was idol in my life and I didn't know it because I was a baby in Christ and I depended so much on her. I didn't have a family who could understand and I was being attacked because of my beliefs. My relationship with my mother was awful and so I turned to my mentor...needless to say, God shut that down completely. I was hurt because I was falsely accused of a lot of things and I'll never say I was perfect either. I learned a lot from my mentor and God even showed me things about myself. I just hate it ended so badly and they walked out with a false perception of me. This all happened after a man of prophesied that I suffer from bouts of low self-esteem from people misunderstanding me. I still miss them, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not hurt by the way they treated me. Heather that one line about new babies making other mature Christians their idols, WOW! Sisters follow Christ and always listen to what God is telling you because if you don't....it will STING! I'm a witness.

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  14. Hi Heather. Thanks so much for posting this! I completely agree. I am currently single and not dating. I do want to eventually get married to someone that a I am equally yoked with so I have decided not to even date someone that I am unequally yoked with with. It makes no sense to me. If I am dating with the purpose to marry then why would I date an unsaved person? That's wasting my time. I have had a number of unsaved men who know and see that I am serious about my walk in Christ (apparently it's attractive to them) who have asked me out on dates and I have declined because they don't live for Christ. I often get the response that I am judging them. I don't think I am. Any thoughts or advice on how I should address these types of responses? I've also noticed that men that take interest in me are unsaved. I don't know of any saved men that are interest. I'm beginning to wonder if it's something in me.

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    1. Hey love!
      Don't worry about men that take interest in you that aren't saved. It's just a reminder to you that your ONE day husband will measure up and that person.. SURE isn't measuring up! And that's OK. He isn't for you. So tell the randoms that you're focusing on your relationship with God- ALONE. A person cannot argue with that! I told a guy I was focused on my relationship with God and turned him down.. 1 month later, I met my now husband. I knew the right guy would measure up & I refused to settle!!

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  15. I hope you are coming to the Midwest soon! I would love to bring my two teen daughters to listen to you speak.

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    1. I hope so as well! :) Thanks for taking the time to read the blog!

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  16. Hi Heather,
    I came across your website solely by googling “bracelet with the cross” b/c I have wanted one for some time now. What I got was so much more... I consider myself Christian and was baptized 4 years ago ( I'm 30 yrs old) but like you mentioned above, I was not living following Gods words. I was in a 6 year relationship with a “Christian guy" but again like you mentioned above, we had sex, slept over but went to church every Sunday. I decided to not have sex anymore b/c I wanted God to bless our future marriage if that's what was in my future and if he was "the one" for me. I didn't have sex for a full year and the relationship ended shortly after, not b/c of the no sex but we were not meant to be and he was too self absorbed, I was fed up. Trying to mask the pain and hurt from the breakup, I build up a wall and didn't show any emotions. A friend invited me out and that's when I met a guy, which I was not trying to take seriously at all. long story short we had sex I ended up pregnant and now have a one year old. I haven't been to church since my break up. The father of my child is not a Christian. After asking God what is his will for me and if I should continue to work things out with the father of my child, God told me to start getting back on my path to live according to his word. I know what I have to do but how do I go about telling the father of my child that I no longer what him to sleep over my house, have sex, etc? I know that if he doesn't take it well and decides to do his own thing that'll be confirmation that he is not the one for me regardless if we have a child. We are not married and the relationship is not all healthy. When I read your blog, I get a sense of 'oh my! I'm doing so many things wrong... how do I get back on track?”

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    1. Hey lovely,
      Wow! I'm so thankful that God led you to my blog! Thanks for sharing your story. 1st, you have to tell the father of your child that you are saved and that in order to live what you have confessed, he cannot stay the night, have sex, etc. He won't understand. He will most likely buck and try to either change your mind or start dating another. You KNOW that relationship isn't healthy so break it off. God longs for your entire heart sis. Getting back on track starts with making decisions that are in the LIGHT. Ie. cutting things off with the unsaved baby's father, etc. Check out my blog on "How to Spend Time with God" -- it should help! :) xo Also, find a good local church & go to iTunes & search The Gathering Oasis- Heather Lindsey & I have a ton of messages that I've preached on topics such as these!

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  17. Hey!
    So I am currently courting this guy and we started off kind of rough. Like I knew some of the things we were doing were wrong and it bothered me. Unlike me he didn't grow up in church and I had to explain to him why its wrong and he is really just beginning to really seek God. A few weeks ago I felt uncertain about or relationship and I thought that maybe if we stopped dating and started courting that it would be better for us. When I ask him he got kinda sad about it almost as if I was breaking up with him and I just feel like he missed the point. We didn't speak for a few hours and I spent that time praying that if this is where God wanted me to be then He would help my bf to really understand courting. When we did finally talk again my bf had done research(from you and your husband I believe!) about what courting actually is, the purpose for it, and agreed that we should court. So things have been good so far we're going strong. But sometimes I feel like we're unequally yoked, and idk if its just cause I'm further in my walk with God than he is? Should I just ask him to clarify? I'm not sure what to do. I pray for him everyday and I've been praying since I met him that if this isn't where God wants me to be for the door to close but here I am. God bless you and your family thank you for all the helpful blogs!

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    1. It seems from your uncertainty that you feel deep down inside that you two are unequally yoked. His walk doesn't seem to be as advanced as yours, as you explained. One thing Heather points out as the role of the mane is to lead and push you closer to Christ. If you have to tell him everything and he's not leading, then most likely you two are unequally yoked.

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    2. Hey love!
      Honestly, I could never tell you what to do! But I can say this-- go with your peace. God made it VERY clear to me that my husband was my one-day husband and I remembered that during the times where I saw Cornelius's weaknesses. EVERY guy you court with-- WILL have an issue. The question is-- what issue are you willing to put up with for the REST of your life? You have to have your dealbreakers! While I was courting with Cornelius, I took a fast from all communication & him for a week. I wanted to make sure that God was constantly first and that I placed my hope in HIM alone and not my future husband. So-- do what you need to do sis! Let God lead you!

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  18. Hi Heather,

    I just wanted to tell you "thank you" for your blog! It's a blessing to see young sisters-in-Christ who truly live for the Lord and are leading a Christ-centered example. This is expecially true in the area of marriage. I am so very happy for and proud of you. I'm a 33yr old virgin who's been saving myself for my husband. It's been a long, tough road, and some days I wonder when all of this will come to an end. In my entire life, I've been in one relationship, and it occurred when I was 29/30 years old. The guy and I were good friends for 10+ years (throughout college and beyond). Our relationship began very slowly and developed over time. We loved each other dearly, but he was open about the fact that his relationship with Christ was broken. He told me often how he felt as though the God he once served and loved had "let him down" repeatedly. I knew it was a source of great pain and unhappiness for him. I sometimes talked to him about the Lord, although in retrospect, I realize that I didn't spend quality time praying for him and his salvation. In terms of our relationship, he was a great boyfriend to me b/c he never pressured me into sinning against my body. I was upfront with him about my commitment to remaining a virgin until my wedding night, and he whole-heartedly accepted and respected that. He really was wonderful to me. However, I did feel myself (this is 20-20 hindsight) pulling away from the Lord. This was b/c I loved him so very deeply, and also b/c it was the first relationship I'd had in my entire life. AFter a little over a year tgtr, he walked out on me. We were planning on going on a vacation together, and right before then, he had gone on a vacation with his parents. It was during that vacation that something happened. I don't know what it was, but it was during the end of that vacation that something changed either in or for him. Our relationship ended suddenly and without any reason that he was ever able to tell me. We were always very honest with one another, but the circumstances surrouding our breakup are still an area of confusion and uneasiness for me. We always talked things through, and rarely fought/argued/were angry with one another.

    I still love him, and am in love with him. However,I know that if he wants to be with me, he will find his way back to me. Therefore, I don't pursue him. Since our relationship ended, I've only heard from him once or twice. He's still the same, sweet person he's always been. But I"m confused as to how to allow my heart to let go. Part of me wonders if God will ever speak to his heart and turn Him towards the cross for salvation. Part of me also wonders if he'll ever come back to me. I know that I cannot take him back without him knowing and loving Christ for himself.

    Since our breakup two years ago, I haven't dated anyone and honestly haven't been interested in dating anyone. I really have been using the time to find peace and happiness again, and to allow God to be the center of my joy. I've been spending more time with the Lord lately, and know that I'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone.

    Can you help me to direct my prayers? What should I be praying for in this situation?

    Much love to you, Heather, your unborn son, and your husband. Thank you so very much for your advice/help, and prayers.

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    1. Hey lovely!
      I'm totally praying for you! Have you seen my blog- "We Just Broke Up, Now What?" -- that has a ton of advice and I encourage you to ask God to help you to be content without your ex. You will get tested with different things that can throw you off but stay strong. Tell God that you want to get to a place where all you want is HIM alone. Spend time with God daily & pour your heart out. Ask Him to remove any fleshly desires & replace them with a hunger for HIM.
      Praying for you xo

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  19. Always on time. Im so glad you expanded on this topic as you briefly touched on it last conf.call. Im praying everyday and thankful your messages always speak to my heart. But Im even more thankful I can share it with my sisters as we all seek guidance no matter where we are in our walks. *Hugs*

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  20. Thank you for telling it like it is! You are right. Please listen to Heather today all you ladies in this situation. Listen to her pointing you to Jesus Who loves you far more and far longer than any boyfriend.

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  21. Hey Heather, great blog. I relate a lot to the girl that has unequally yoke men atracted to her n no christian men around. There are such few men in the church. The same happens to me n I've been completely faithful and obidient. Problem is I've been a few years single n sometimes worry that there is no perfect mate for me. I rejoice in my singleness but I also desire a husband and family. I'm 26 and feel I'm ready. What can I do to not lose hope?

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    1. Read my blog on "Where is my Adam" and listen to my sermon on Being a Woman After God's Own Heart which is at the bottom of that blog. I believe it will give you clarity! xo

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  22. Hi Heather!

    This has been one of my favorite posts on your blog! Thank you for sharing what the Holy Spirit puts on your heart to write!

    One of my close friends and I have slowly grown apart over the last few months. I am actively seeking a better relationship with Christ, while she is not. Her actions have become more and more contradictory to my actions. Lately she has been following atheist Twitter pages and retweeting them and some are basically shaming Christians. After reading a book called "Black and NOT Baptist." she considers herself a "freethinker" when I looked into what this was it seems like a philosophical version of atheism. I cherished this friendship so much and have been praying for God to soften her heart, but I just see it growing harder and harder towards God and all that He represents.

    Above you said," NO, you don't throw away every person you think you're "unequally yoked" with-- some relationships (mostly FEMALE friendships develop & grow into great relationships as no relationship is perfect)." I'm not sure if this relationship is able to grow and develop as it seems we are going further and further into opposite directions. I miss our close relationship though and do not want to give up on it if there is something I can do.

    Do you have any advice on how I can save our friendship or should I just let it go?

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    1. Sounds like shes' going in a totally different direction then you are. I can understand that you miss her so I encourage you to love her from a distance and naturally, your relationship with Jesus will put a wedge in between you & her. Jesus came to separate mother from daughter, father from son-- or friend to friend because one believes in Him & the other doesn't. (matthew 10:35) It is the Lord's desire that we all know Christ & come into the knowledge of Him but surrounding yourself with unbelievers will only hinder your faith-- especially if it's your very best friend. Prayers for you & her.

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    2. Thank you so much Heather for your advice and prayers! My love for my Christ is much much greater than my love for this longtime friendship, so I understand now that I must sacrifice this relationship for the one who sacrificed for me. Thank you and may you continue to be blessed through the Holy Spirit to enlighten women on various life issues, such as this :)

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  23. I am in an unequally yoked marriage and feel guilty about it, every single day. I feel like God wants nothing to do with me, like I sealed my own fate. Will the guilt ever go away? I just want to be as close to God as I used to be.

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    1. Being married to an unbeliever can be one of the most difficult challenges in a Christian's life. Marriage is a sacred covenant that joins two people together in one flesh (Matthew 19:5). It can be very difficult for a believer and an unbeliever to live in peaceful harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). If one partner becomes a Christian after the marriage, the inherent struggles of living under two different authorities quickly become apparent.

      Often Christians in this situation will look for a way out of the marriage, convinced that this is the only way to truly bring honor to God. His Word, however, says the contrary. It is very important not only to be content in our situation, but also to look for ways to bring glory to Him out of our challenging circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:17). The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14: “…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband…”

      Christians married to unbelievers will need to pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable them to profess Christ and live in the light of God's presence (1 John 1:7). They should seek God's transforming power to change their hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward her unbelieving husband (1 Peter 3:1), and you will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable you to do so.

      Christians are not meant to live solitary lives; you need to find support from outside sources such as the church and Bible study groups. Maybe a Pinky Promise Group? Be sure to join here: www.pinkypromisemovement.com There may be a group in your area! Being married to an unbeliever does not alter the sacredness of the relationship, so it should be the priority of every Christian to pray for his or her spouse and set a good example, allowing Christ's light to shine brightly (Philippians 2:14). May the truth found in 1 Peter 3:1—that an unbelieving spouse is “won over”—be the hope and goal of every Christian who is married to an unbeliever.

      So, stop beating yourself up. God is USING you in your marriage-- so give your care to Him daily! Don't let satan drop stupid thoughts in your head all day! He's a liar & all He wants to do is make you believe that God doesn't love you anymore.
      Hugs!

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  24. Heather, I love your heart towards God. I too stumbled accross your blog by accident and have been richly blessed. I've been saved for some years and have had too many setbacks. My hiccup has always been a man. I go a couple years on the right track and then the test comes. Unfortunately, I've failed. When a "prospect" comes along I turn from Lord and focus on this "man"; even when I know he is not God's best. I just find myself compromising out of fear of not gettig what I think I want. One of my spiritual mentors, whose an older woman, keeps telling me that I think I'm waiting on God but God is really waiting on me. You have no idea how your post have ministered to me even in the mist of the last test I failed; which was just a few months ago. I'm tired of failing these test. I know I'm super late but started my journal challenge yesterday. I use to be so much closer to the Lord some years back. I feel that I've been operating on past revelation and annointing if that makes sense. I'm encouraged to seek God like never before and work on my relationship with him. I want to fall in love with him as I know that he is already in love with me. Thank you Heather for being obedient to the Lord and sharing so much of yourself with us. I pray continued blessings on your ministry and family.

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    1. Hey lovely! I am praying for you. Sometimes, we go through dry seasons where it seems like things are slow & maybe we felt closer to God in other seasons. Know that Christ is always with you. He gave you the Holy Spirit and HE lives on the inside of you. Give your care to Him daily & spend time with Him intentionally!
      Hugs!

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  25. Hi Heather,

    I normally wouldn't commit but the last 4 blogs have convicted me. I recently started dating my ex boyfriend again. We dated for two years, were having sex and broke up bc of arguments and my dad not approving of our relationship because he has a son. We were broke up for 6 months but then got back together. This time we have started having sex again but stopped and haven't for awhile bc I felt convicted. He agreed and now we are not. My problem is that I feel like he is seeking God bc of me. I think he wants a relationship with him but I'm not sure if he would if I wasn't in the picture. I grew up in a christian household and he didn't. I'm just torn on what to do bc I love him but idk if I should stay with him bc he is trying to serve God but I don't know if he could be the head of our household. I think he is trying but with my father disagreeing it also makes it hard. I'm just torn. And I feel bad bc I went back and now feel like I'm torn between staying or leaving.

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    1. Hey lovely. Sounds like you know what to do but you don't want to do it. Based on what you said-- it sounds like he wants Christ because of YOU & not because He needs a relationship with Him. Pull away & get quiet before God & obey Him with what He tells you to do. xo

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  26. My husband and I are trying to get on our feet financially and have decided to move in with his parents. We are both growing spiritually, recently re-dedicating our lives to Christ, and his family isn't necessarily trying to live the Christian lifestyle. I'm not sure if we should even go because we don't want to slip back into our old ways. I'm currently battling what I think may be an alcohol addiction, and his mom drinks all day.They give my husband a hard time and call him a "conspirary theorist" because of him studying the bible. Things like that...

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    1. Hey love.
      My heart breaks for you, it really does. Its good that you recognize that the alcohol is an addiction. Know that Jesus came to set you free from any bondages or addictions. I encourage you to go & sit at the feet of Jesus & pour your heart out to Him. Cry out to Him and let His saving power free you from your bondage. Then, stay in that place by continually spending time with God daily. Check out my blog on How to Spend Time with God and some of my sermons & my husband's sermons on ITunes under Heather Lindsey & Cornelius Lindsey- The Gathering Oasis. Remember that whatever you give your attention to-- you will desire. So start giving your attention to God & His word. Get plugged in at a local Christian based church that teaches the bible. You WANT your husband to lead you so don't talk down to him. Use your words to encourage & build him up. He is your leader & God holds him responsible for what is going on in your house. Praying for you. xo

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  27. So let's say I want to start praying for my future spouse who I obviously have not met yet, and isin't saved yet, doesn't have a relationship with God, or most likely isin't religious, would it be wrong to pray and ask God to change all those things?

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    1. Hello!
      Honestly.. if you haven't met him, how do you know the above? Don't pray for a man that doesn't know Christ-- pray that your one-day husband has a relationship with Jesus & pursues him daily. God's best for you-- WILL be SAVED. There will be no question. xo

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  28. Thanks for the blog. It was a good heart check for me. I don't know you but you are a good friend. Always pushing us toward God. This post and the media study have made me realize I need to focus on seeking and serving God. By God's grace I can also be a good friend.
    I'm so grateful fo you. Praying for you, Cornelius and baby Lindsey!

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  29. Hi Heather I always appreciate your blogs. Thanks for sharing the Light within you, it's a blessing. I love hearing people talk about God, He's awesome! I try to live each moment in respect to our heavenly Father, and I hope to grow in His ways so I can influence others to do the same. To live by faith in God is the best decision I'll ever make....I love it :) Love Love what you're doing thanks again for keeping us grounded on Love. You and your husband and baby Lindsay are super cute! Xx

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  30. This word is good & right on time. I've just let go of a guy that I was using for comfort, knowing that I don't love him anymore, nor do I see him as my husband. Placing my issues & inadequacy in Christ. Ladies, be encouraged. No relationship pulling us away from God, even if they "claim" they're saved. It's not worth your eternity with Jesus.

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  31. Thank you thank you thank you Heather. It's instagram victoria1989 here. I commented on you latest pic in desparation and then I came to your blog and boy- I am lucky. This blog spoke into many relationships that I have, with a friend, my family and a random. The example of Abraham was a God send and I thank you for using this platform to speak the words that God has placed on your heart. If God asked Abraham to leave His family, I can walk away from this random and negative people around me. It is always easy to make excuses and use scripture such as 'love thy neighbour' to justify why we cling onto people who are unequally yoked. Thank you for explaining that the gaps in our heart are to be filled by Jesus before we can extend our love to others. Guarding our hearts is important. I asked God to speak to me whilst I was listening to a podcast and then the random called. It always happens that way- whenever I am journalling at the feet of Jesus, the random will call. Sorry for the rambling, just thank you for this blog post and your blog. And I hope baby Lindsey and Mr Lindsey are well. Love you sis.

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  32. thank you God thank you God. From reading this post and a few others, I am learning how to become closer to God. I'm very thankful I was lead here by way of a facebook friend that I do not know personally. God ordered that friend request!

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  33. Since i stumbled on you blog a few weeks ago, i had hoped for an opportunity to talk to you about my issue. I am not very good at pouring my heart out there in public but today something told me to go ahead.

    First thank you for sharing your life and most of what you post on your blog aligns to the struggles I face.
    However, i need your input on my issue, I briefly dated some guy 3 years ago, and it was so brief that by the time i started 'feeling' the relationship it was ending. This person brought me so much humiliation from our friends and others because of how the whole relationship ended. Yes we slept with each other in that brief few months.
    The problem that I have is that, since then, I haven't seriously dated anyone and no matter what i do I cant stop thinking about him. Recently i renewed my walk with Christ and other aspects of my life have been going well for me, but my ex is one of the things that no matter how many prayers i say i just cant stop thinking about him. I know he is not right for me unyoked and all (e.g.we are from different denominations) and i made a list after reading one of your blogs and he doesn't fit in at all.

    I wish that I no longer think of him the way do.I make some progress then all over a sudden i think about him a lot.

    I have seen the goodness of God in my life and there is nothing i want more that to live a life that glorifies God, but this affects my season of being single.What would you advice in this situation?

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  35. Thank you so much for this post, Heather. Truly inspiring and several of your posts have convicted me over the last few days to start journaling and letting go of past hurts. It is truly inspiring to see that you have come so far and that you have "been there" in regards to poor choices in relationships and even falling from God's grace.

    My question to you - did you ever feel as if you would never find your Adam? I was in a relationship for close to two years that I KNOW was wrong - we never went "all the way" but I know that the relationship did not honor God. I do believe I love and cared for him greatly, and even though it has been two years since he's broken up with me, I still do feel guilty about the relationship and often feel that, because he was my first love, I will never find "the one" for me. I know that we aren't supposed to be looking for the one and he should find us with the help of God, but it seems that day by day, I become more discouraged. My ex doesn't talk to me anymore, and it often makes me wonder if our relationship failing was my fault.

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  36. your blog is awesome! I just found about your blog via virginmonologues.blogspot and I read the first post and I am now subscribed. You and your husband are truly an inspiration. Do you have any post about being in a a relationship that is long distance?

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  37. Will definitely need to keep this post close as I'm meeting different types of guys at the moment and yes 'I am a christian, I go to church on Sunday' means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Thanks Heather x

    Yay! Congrats, he's a boy!!

    Where did you get your phone case from please? :-)

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  38. heather God bless u ur blogs have helped me to change lifestyle.am kenyan and siz ur blessing the whole world.thank you

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  39. This is lovely, Heather. God bless you.

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  40. This is lovely and the truth told. God bless you, Heather.

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  41. This blog is awesome!

    My question to you: If the man your dating is unequally yoked with you, Can you still pray for him daily and be an example to lead him to Christ?

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    1. Girl, no. You need to move on. He needs to learn Christ by himself--- over there. Most likely, his standards are challenging your standards & pushing you further away from Christ. He has to want CHRIST for himself. If he does at like he got saved.. it could be just to shut you up-- without any change or conversion. My advice- break it off so he can find Christ for himself & so that you can focus on the Lord. You want a man that can LEAD you. Period.

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  42. Just found your blog recently. I am married to my husband who had grown up in the church and was a Christian. We dated for 3 year before getting married and only had sex maybe 5 times bc we did not want to sin. While we were dating we prayed together, went to church together, etc. We both looked forward to God's plan for our lives. This continued for the two years of our marriage. We found a new church home and wanted a deeper walk with God. Now my husband is no longer a beliver. He doesn't believe the Bible is in the word or that Jesus is the son of God. He analyzes all scriptures and is more interested science over faith. He doesn't believe in Christianity at all. I have continued to pray for him and that God will reveal himself to him,. Lately I have become discouraged especially with the birth of our first child and my wanting to teach her about the word as she gets older. My husband woukd never tell her God is not real, but it makes me upset that I will be in this alone. Please pray for me and any advice you could offer. My husband is an amazing, kind, compassionate, positive man. I never imagined he would ever change his views about God, it hurts me so much that we are unequally yolked.

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    1. Hey lovely,
      For "better or for worse" def. gets tested in marriage & there's always a chance at any point that a person's heart can turn away from God. My advice would be to pray earnestly for him and don't STOP. I know it's hard but remember that you're not alone in teaching her-- you have the Holy Spirit on the inside of you --God is with you sis! DO your best and God will help you. Also, pick up the book "Created to be His HelpMeet" by Debi Pearl. I believe that it will minister to you. Another book to get is "The Love Dare"-- you can do the love dare on him for 40 days. xo

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  43. Hey, I have a best friend that claims she is a christian but we definitely don't have the same opinion on how to raise our kids and respond to our husbands. I found out she has lied to me on several occasions. I really feel I am unequally yoke friendship and my husband and I agree it should be ended? How do I end a 5 year friendship without sounding like a judgmental person

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  44. Rikeshia Precious BaxterMay 4, 2013 at 12:02 AM

    Praise God!Thankful for you sis!Continue onward!You are a blessing!!!Praise God!

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  45. Heather,
    I am happy to have come across your blog...you have no Idea, but I can't help but to question, where were you 4.5 years ago before I married my "Christian" husband? Now I find myself unhappy, not serving God as my heart knows it should, because I've lost myself in this marriage & am just trying to find my place in Him again. Thanks for your honest insight, I look forward to following you on this blogspot. May God bless you.

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  46. I just knew when I came home today I was going to take a nap. Instead, a friend told me about you and I decided to just check out your site for a few minutes. Well it has been 2 hours and I am reading every blog falling more and more in love with my decision to become a believer. I am a baby believer as it has been less than 6 months since I've decided to seek to be in God's presence and almost 2 months since I've decided to be celibate. My question for you is how does someone who was once living in sin find the strength to break up with their boyfriend of 3 years because they are a distraction? I love him but I think my walk could be easier if we both were on the same page and he is not ready for that move. Although he has agreed to be celibate as well. I am weak when it comes to him.

    P.S. Your son has the best birth date ever! ; ) Congratulations on everything and I pray God continues to give you messages. I will be listening!

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  47. Hi Heather,

    I was wondering if you have any advice for unmarried couples that are aware and feel remorseful about their sinful past but have both agreed upon walking in Righteousness together from here on out? And if God wishes them to marry, how we can make certain that we are walking right and living according to His will in our journey to the altar & Him (of course, if His will)? God bless you.

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  48. Hello Mrs. Lindsey! I just wanted to make a quick comment. One scripture you referenced was 2 Corinthians 6:14-16- “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers... However in the post it says chapter 5 not 6. I just wanted to make that aware to you!

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  49. I'm a single 29 year old male who has been single for almost 10 years. It is so encouraging to hear this perspective! I know so many believers who are very "grey" about this area. It is very disheartening to see fellow believers give in to carnality! But I must look at myself first. If I were to be honest, I feel like God has kept me single so that He would know that He is my number 1 priority. Thank you for sharing and I pray that all goes well with the new addition to your family!

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