Tuesday, October 16, 2012

"So, The Lord told you "he" was the one?"




(Me & my hubby toasting in Africa last month!)

I get this question a ton-- people say, "The Lord told me that so & so was the one," so I figured that I would address it in my blog.

Let me tell you my quick husband story. My husband and I attended the same church. I was extremely active in ministry as I was a part of the Media Team, Dance Ministry, Women's Ministry, Prayer Counselor and the Special Events Team. I was busy about pursuing God. Granted, I kept me a boyfriend on the side here & there but for the most part-- I was committed to Christ. I attended the church in New York-- my now husband attended the church in Atlanta (same church, two locations). He would always travel with the pastor because at the time, he was his assistant and right hand man. So, every Saturday, the pastor and Cornelius would travel to New York and I would always see this young guy in a suit running around-- looking all serious! Was I attracted to him? I mean, I thought he was cute-- but he was always so serious and like I mentioned before, I kept me a little boyfriend so I always was pretty focused on them. So we walked by each other for three years. We both attended the same meetings together and we were even in a room with just 2 other people & spoke briefly just 2 years before we actually started courting. 
4 months pregnant at an event :)

Three years after walking by each other-- and one day we started talking. I'll be honest with you, I knew within 15 minutes of talking to my now husband that we were going to get married & have a ministry. HOWEVER, 4-5 years earlier than that-- I thought I heard the same thing. I was being introduced to this guy at church and I shook his hand, I heard "That is going to be your husband"--I thought.. HUH? No way! And just kept it moving. A few months later, we became friends-- always hanging with the same group of people and then I started to become attracted to how nice he was. He wasn't my TYPE whatsoever but he was such a nice person-- I almost felt obligated to give him a chance. Plus, I mean.. I "heard" he was going to be my husband right? Mind you-- I knew my purpose. I knew that one day I would be in ministry full time with my husband and do all these things for Christ. I was confused on how this was going to happen because that relationship began to NOT glorify God. We started to do things that SEPARATED us from God. And I won't beat around the bush, I told the guy I didn't want to kiss until I get married .. and we ended up fornicating. Then, I couldn't stop! I couldn't find the breaks. Then, what I thought I heard.. I began to not believe. The proof was in the pudding. Our relationship was pushing me FURTHER & further AWAY from God. Our relationship was so far from ...

Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

So as I read that scripture, I begin to weep. I said.. God.. how is my then boyfriend who said he's going to be my one-day husband presenting me? It scared me because I knew the answer. My one-day husband was supposed to PUSH me closer to Christ and I knew that it started in the courting process. Although he said he loved me & we were boyfriend & girlfriend for a long time.. I knew that I became his idol and vice versa. God is clear in Exodus 20:3 that I was to NOT worship any other god but Him. So although I was saying that God was my God.. and I served in all these ministries and prayed for all these people.. my heart was so far from Him. I called out His name with my lips but went right back into the bed with my little boyfriend and SHOWED God who my real "god" was. It was my flesh. It was my desires. It wasn't GOD. If it was REALLY GOD-- I WOULD HAVE LIVED LIKE IT!!

Long story short, we broke up. God told me over & over again to BREAK IT OFF. I learned that EVEN if you "hear" that a certain guy is the "one"-- you may be WRONG. You may have mis-heard God. The proof is in the pudding baby. God is so powerful, so awesome that He knows in advance EVERY situation and EVERY relationship. He even foreknew who would CHOOSE Him one day and get saved. He knew that guy wasn't my husband!!!!!!!! That was either my emotions or satan telling me that lie. GOD knew my husband was going to be Cornelius & wasn't surprised by it!! It was a DISTRACTION and some of the things we think we "hear" distract us and PUSH us so far from GOD! We get all wrapped up in what we think we heard & then the guy marries another girl .. & then you're all mad at God so you ignore Him & start dating some thug guy that sleeps with you & everything else that moves. Guess what sis? 

God didn't tell you that "he" was the one! Why would God tell you that when you cannot be faithful in small things? Why would He tell you that & now its got you ALL messed up because now.. you're trying to throw yourself at some guy to "make" something work that wasn't meant to be!! Why would he tell you something that would replace your desire for HIM for another man? 

So, I gotta be honest with you. Like.. this is sister to sister-- heart to heart. If you thought you heard God say that about a person-- LET IT GO. Seriously. Let it go. If the relationship is meant to be-- IT will develop with FIRST, the man pursuing YOU. Sadly, you're taking ownership in your mind & heart over a man that doesn't even know your last name. He aint yours baby girl. Your focus must always be on Christ & NOT on the distractions of this WORLD! Your life is much greater than your MARTIAL status & if you don't get up get BUSY about what GOD is calling you to do, you're going to be switching all hard trying to get the attention of somebody else's ADAM! (I talked about "Where is my Adam here-- if you want to read it)


      (our very first date 1/8/2009)
                                            

Now, back to the story with my husband and I. Both my husband and I KNEW within 15 minutes that we were going to marry each other. Neither one of us said anything. We just talked and talked.. and talked..and talked & got to KNOW each other. We discussed marriage & if I would be willing to move to Atlanta if we got married. We courted with PURPOSE. Sometimes, we tend to get "wrapped" up in what we think "God" said & we start playing house like we're married.. and you ain't married honey. On our first date, Cornelius said "I'm not going to kiss you until the wedding day." THEN we set up boundaries. No sleeping together, no cuddling, no kissing on the hand, the cheek, no movies, no NOTHING. We hung out in groups. I didn't dress half naked around him or try to test the standard he set up. Over time, I saw myself developing emotionally. It wasn't pretty. Courting 
was ROUGH. I began to watch God peel off my layers of heart & show me how jacked up I was through my relationship with Cornelius. Although it was hard.. I was getting better.. stronger, less emotional, less manipulative.. and gosh darn it.. Cornelius was PUSHING me closer to CHRIST! He was doing what Ephesians 5 said to do! The process was HARD but it was so worth it! The proof is in that PUDDING baby! I had PEACE about Cornelius. God told me to PRAY earnestly for him when I didn't' like the way he was treating me. God told me to be sweet with him & love him earnestly. The difference between this relationship & all others is GOD was giving me the HOOK-UP on how to work out my relationship! It was so cool & a BIG change from Him always telling me to break things off!  Finally, GOD had an input!! So, then Cornelius proposed to me 1 year after we officially started courting... 8 months later, we got married. God remained first during the courting, engaged & now as husband & wife-process. He was never on the back-end. 

Quick crazy story: While Cornelius & I were engaged, a woman came up to him at church and said "The Lord told me that you're supposed to be my husband." Cornelius said, I'm sorry-- I'm "engaged"-- she said "you aint married yet." When Cornelius told me this story-- my heart broke. I wanted to find the woman & talk to her & explain to her all of the above. Sis, don't be that girl. Pinky Promise.
                                         
                                                            Our wedding day 8/14/2010
So I want to encourage you ladies to REST. Sometimes, we want to awaken LOVE before it's time (Song of Solomon 2:7). So calm down sister. If God told you-- He will tell him, YOU don't need to go running around, telling some man that "The Lord told you that he is going to be your husband." You're only going to freak him out and embarrass yourself. Just bite your tongue & stay focused on what GOD called YOU to do. Then, you'll look up and HE will be PURSUING you. Then, you'll smile and laugh with God. 

Have you signed up for Pinky Promise? There's local groups all over the world!
www.pinkypromisemovement.com

You can rock super cute bracelets & shirts at our Pinky Promise Store! 
www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com

Have you signed up for the Pinky Promise Conference? We would love to meet you!
www.pinkypromiseconference.com


Have you picked up my husband's book? "So, You Want To Be Married?"
www.SoYouWantToBeMarried.com 

God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey

135 comments:

  1. Love it. A word in season!!! So real, humble and honest of you to bare all to us ladies who may have thought that they heard God say! lol Your story is encouraging, inspiring and ignites even further my love and passion for Christ. Stay blessed both you & bump!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your blog. I don't know if you check this still. But I started dating a wonderful man a year and a half ago and have felt nothing but God's blessing and love in the realtionship. Three weeks ago my boyfriend told me that God told him three weeks into our relationship, "she is not the one". Now, he says he has to obey God. I have a hard time believing this because I do not believe that God is conflicted with in himself. Anyeays we are broken up and I have peace because I know I am satisfied in God. But, it is making no sense to me.

      Delete
    2. such a timely word!!!Thank you Heather, youre such an inspiration!!!

      Delete
  2. wow, I love your writing. I love to write too and do all that artsy stuff, so these blog formats are perfect for me. Currently, I have been having a long distance relationship with my 'papi.' He lives and is from another continent. We both are believers and serve the LORD, the issue is with finances though, currently he is out of work, he has jobs, but does not make enough money so there are times when I have helped him out(if you know what I mean), also when we first met, we did some 'bad' things, but when he saw that I was growing and trying to be committed to Christ we stopped. Sometimes we would 'break up,' and not talk for days and then we would begin communicating again. Three years later, even though we do have our challenges we still communicate and often discuss getting married, I may add he is a 'few' years younger than I am. It's so much stuff that I really can't write it down here, but I know that I love him and want the best for Him, we even pray together, but not as much because of the long distance and the massive phone bills, but we do talk together daily. Even so, I just want to be sure that he is the one. I always ask myself do I have peace about him? He has done some things that make go, hmmmmm, but we always end up right back together again. Even though I have not been to church in a few months(there was an issue with the church and now I am on a brief hiatus from there), I still have my morning time with God and pray and study my Word daily. My papi is also a man of God and the times I have prayed for him and really talked to him about seeking God's will for his life is even starting to acknowledge himself as a man of God. However, I want to be realistic about some things, the distance between us physically as well as age and just overall making sure that I am not pursuing something that God may want me to end. The thing is I love this guy so much and he claims to love me the same way, but I don't want this to just be an emotional thing. I love that man, but I want to love and serve God more. I am excited about God and his plans for me. Sorry I wrote a long message. Please respond. God bless you. You are a cool lady!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello! I would NEVER tell you to marry someone. I can't carry that responsibility either way! lol You have to do what GOD is telling you to do. If that means pulling away from 2-3 weeks and fasting & praying and just spending time with God-- let Him lead you. Even while courting, I pulled away for an entire week & didn't talk to my now husband. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't placing Cornelius over God. SO, spend time with God daily. Let Him lead your steps. He knows the plans He has for you! xo

      Delete
  3. Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are truly a blessing to me. May God continue to bless you, your family, and in all the areas you tread upon. May God's will be done.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This was right on time! The proof is in the pudding and I so needed to hear this! I do have a question however. Do you feel that a man can change from his ways? I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2yrs bc of his dishonesty and cheating. He's claiming that he's about to go to counseling to help him become a better man and he believes that Im his wife. Though I broke up with him, I still love him dearly and im wondering do you think that a man can change his ways and become a husband as God speaks of or what u see is what u get?? I wish letting him go was so simple, but its been such a struggle to move on past this relationship.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I DO believe that God can change a person. NO person is perfect! Not even us ladies! :) What's most important is that you're tuning into God & not your emotions! Let GOD lead your every step!! There's no formula to this thing!

      Delete
  5. OMGEEE!!! LOVE THIS!!! thanks for sharing your story, so many things were clarified for me in this blog. Thank you tons!!! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I so needed this. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you so much for this. I'm going through a rough time where I feel like something is wrong with me cuz I don't see any guys giving me attention, and the ones that do seem to hurt me in the end. I've now learnt to accept God's timing and not to awaken love before its time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shoot! That's GOOD sis! God has you hidden until the RIGHT one finds you! :) Praying for you!

      Delete
    2. I love the idea of being "HIDDEN until the right one FINDS me." This is a great perspective to have during seasons of loneliness...you are an inspiration, Heather! Thanks be to God for your ministry.

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. :) Thanks for taking the time to read it!

      Delete
    2. You're welcome. I wanted to add,I've dated my ex for about 6 years off & on. When we first met, I wasn't trying to date anyone at all, but after a few months I begin to ponder if he could be the one. I had recently gotten out of a relationship when he & I would become more acquainted. My mistake, instead of pursuing God & keeping Him first in our courtship, this guy became my all in all. I honored this guy so much that as our relationship progressed, his voice became just as important to me as hearing from God. Although he's a man of God, I should have kept God 1st place. We didn't have sex but a few other things as far as touching & kissing took place. It's been over a year since we've dated and no matter how much I pray & ask God to take it away, I can't seem to shake the notion that this guy might be my husband. A few weeks ago the other guy I dated months ago proposed to me but I couldn't give him a direct answer because in my heart I know I don't love him or see myself with him. The only guy I could ever connect with is my ex of 6 years.

      Delete
  9. Ahhhh such a timely word! I have so much peace about my friendship with a particular guy but God has been telling me lately to keep living joyfully in the season i'm in and tell my emotions to shut up when its starts wondering... Its so fun how God leads me in every conversation we have in our friendship and makes it intentional in bringing the attention to Him and not myself, but i still have to be careful because my heart can easily become attached. Thank you Heather for being so real, i needed every single word you said here today. Gotta love how the LORD takes care of His beloved daughters! <3

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you Sister Heather. Needed to hear this word. I had to get out of a relationship because we were fornicating & playing house. I stopped it completely because I still knew in my heart he wasn't my husband. I got back to my focus being on GOD but I kept hearing that my ex-fiancé is my husband & ppl would come to me confirming that but I felt crazy. He isn't thinking about a relationship and I love him but I don't want one right now either. But I keep hearing the LORD say wait. I'm waiting on the LORD because only He knows. My ultimate desire is to do the work of my LORD & everything else that He has for me will follow on His time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm proud of you! Continue to trust God & get busy about pursuing WHAT He is leading you to do now! Hugs!

      Delete
  11. this very encouraging ,reminds me that my joy and happiness comes from God alone , I can def relate to your story , thanks for sharing be blessed you and your family ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen sis! And your'e SO right! Our joy comes from HIM alone!! Blessings!

      Delete
  12. I was in that position too, that the devil lied to me, and told me to stay focus on that particular man, I notice this man was cussing at God, n was very angry with God, because he was unemployed, I begin to get drained, always by his house, and sleeping with him, this man was pulling me away from God. God then begin to show me how the devil used that man to keep me away from my purpose in life. He had me feeling guilty for what I had done, so I cry out constantly, and repented for my sins. This man disappeared from the face of the earth, this man who the devil used was my kids' father cousin, me not knowing that much word at the time, God would NEVER mate you with a family member of your ex!!! That's confusion, n division!!! The enemy will try all his tactics to keep you from what God has for you!!! The person God choose for me is a person, like you said heather will push you closer to him, I would have never thought, I would be a mate to someone who loves God with his whole heart. I'm now being prepared to receive my husband, and I watching as things are unfolding pieces at a time. God told me when its time, I will meet him at that certain place, and it came to pass!!! Have to be on alert n be more watchful. Bless you for sharing your testamony!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Praying for you love! Continue to stay close to God no matter what!

      Delete
  13. Does God ever lead people to divorce?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God is clear- He says that He hates divorce. He also says that if an unbeliever wants to leave the marriage-- let them do so. You cannot make anyone stay married to you. Our goal in any marriage should be reconciliation towards peace & a great marriage & our relationship with God.

      Delete
  14. Love it! Reminds me of my story and how jacked up my thought process and behavior was in dating. My husband found me and in our first conversations I knew that he was the man I prayed about. I had no desire whatsoever to get married but decided if I were to get married this is what I would want in a husband. God proved to me through our union that no list is too long and no prayer is to grand for Him. During our courting period I was a huge party girl (we were still in college) and every Sunday he would call me and say you're going to church today right. Lol! I would be like huh?! WHAT?! Mannn I just got in not that long ago. *shame* But every week he would call and ask the same question. All the while, behind the scenes, he was praying that prayer. Overtime I began to notice that I would get tired of partying, or choose to stay in, or want to hang out with my friends at the house not realizing he was praying for me to be pushed towards God in that time in my life where I was so thick in flesh and sin. We courted for 15 months, got engaged on Christmas eve, and got married 5 months later (the day after our college graduation) and we've been married 5 years. So I thank you for being transparent and sharing the word of God because this is a topic that needs to be discussed. Bless you sis!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw! Thanks for sharing your story & your transformation through Christ! Appreciate you! Congrats on 5 years!! Amazing!

      Delete
  15. Thanks. This is really heavy but I know it's the truth and I'm striving to live in truth. It's not easy but I hope working towards believing these things pays off

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will totally pay off!! It's totally NOT in vain! Stay focused on Christ!

      Delete
  16. am going through tough time but i thank the Lord for directing me to your story, at least i can make my decision now and i pray that the spirit of Lord can hold me at this trying moments.please pray for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am praying for you! Tough times develop endurance and character! Trust Him especially now! HE is with you! He loves you so much! #Jesus

      Delete
    2. Thanks a lot. please always remember the name Hellen adhiambo in your prayers. I believe that God is going to answer my prayers.Thank you so much for the encouragement.

      Delete
  17. Very inspiring, thanks for sharing your story. Loved every word :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm like crying right now for so many different sad AND happy reasons.

    ReplyDelete
  19. To anonymous who asked Heather about her ex-boyfriend who was lying and cheating here's my two cents: if there is going to be a change in your ex, it will have absolutely nothing to do with you. His desire and reason for change has to be because he desires to do right for God. No amount of counseling (although counseling is a good thing) will help him stop lying and cheating if there has not been a true heart change, and heart changes come from the Lord. A man that lies and cheats on you while dating will 9 out of 10 times lie and cheat while married because he does not value honesty, commitment and respect for himself and the woman (i.e., you) that he is with. If your ex makes a change, God will allow you to see the change without the ex having to say a single word. As the old folks say, actions speak louder than words.

    Additionally, know that the process of getting over someone can be difficult and may take some time. Pray that God delivers your heart from that person. As long as you are not delivered from what the two of you had, there will always be a connection even if you move on and get married to someone else. I am living this right now and I speak truth to you sister. Be blessed dear! :-)

    Ok Heather, sorry for hijacking your comments! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) NO! It's totally ok!! Sisters gotta stick together & encourage each other!

      Delete
  20. Im just wrecked by this Heather! I was just talking to my mother about this very subject last night! I was telling her that I hate to be that person that says "God told them" lol I've been admiring my pastors son for a few yrs. but Im not acting on it! I want to be pursued so Im not saying anything! Im going through a season in life where im almost 25 and NOTHING is working out jobs etc. It feels like all doors are shutting! I feel like im in a stump and I dont want to use this down time to focus all energy and emotions on this guy instead of JESUS! I feel im entering into a place with God ive never been! Its exciting and different but I dont want to make this guy higher than he is because he could marry another girl and I am all wrong! Although he is EVERYTHING I have ever asked the Lord for as far as character (not looks so much) I cant say I "heard" God say he was the one, i feel so behind with him because he has graduated college and has a wonderful career in another state and I am still in school. Ive had a vision and dreams in depth with him in it but like you said if its from God he will pursue me! So im learing to rest in the LORD serve and TRUST him! :) Love you sis Heather! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey sis! Just rest & trust God! LET Him lead you. Marriage is so much bigger than a career. Focus on purpose instead. Every relationship you have should have a type of purpose. If there's no purpose, you shouldn't be in it. Praying for you! Love you back!

      Delete
  21. This post is amazing! I can hear God saying this through you and it reaching and convicting me. Thank you Heather for your honesty and being such a vessel for young women like me!

    God Bless :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. So what if you married him anyway

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pray earnestly for your husband & ask God to bring passion and desire in your marriage. God's way can be started at any point in a relationship or a marriage. It's wrapped up in a decision.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for responding!

      Delete
    3. Wow!!!! This blog speaks volumes!! Heather, I TRULY thank God for you! May he continue to bless you and enlarge your borders for HIS glory and our growth! Love you girl:)))

      Delete
  23. Wow! This was exactly what I needed to hear today. I'm in the beginning stages of a relationship and we've set out to honor God. In our past relationships we haven't but we are both seeking God first and know this is how it has to be. The part where you wrote it wasn't pretty, it being hard & how God was showing you how jacked up you were in regards to relationships is exactly where I am! Today (4 hours ago) I was going round and round with myself about how I can either feed into my insecurities & fears about past relationships and let it rule this one or I can let go and let God move in his time seeking Him and being patient. AMAZING how god uses others to say what we most need to hear, thanks Heather!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! I understand how you feel & I've been there. I wanted to quit courting with Cornelius SOO many times! He kept showing me my mess & I didn't want to see it! Spend a ton of time with God & trust Him. He has your back!

      Delete
  24. I really appreciate how you pour your heart out to us Heather! I appreciate the time you place into your blogs, sermons, bible studies,and Pinky Promise in general! Your hard work is not in vain, TRUST ME! You are impacting my generation! I pray God will continue to use you to build his kingdom and break down hells! LOVE YOU!
    XOXOXO

    -Ayanna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gosh, your'e so encouraging! THANK YOU! God bless you sis!!! Whew!

      Delete
  25. This post catches exactly what I've been dealing with when it comes to being sure of where what I'm hearing is originating from...I've been struggling with hearing from God and second guessing what I feel like I'm being told...Heather, how can I find my "proof in the pudding" confirmation that he's leading me in certain areas, like career moves, for example...I don't want to move into something not of him, but birthed from myself...I feel stagnant, because i'm not moving forward for fear of missing the mark...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The proof in the pudding is the fruit of the spirit and you getting closer to Christ in that relationship! And seek God daily! HE will lead your paths! If you miss Him, HE will find you. Rest in Him and focus on spending time with Him daily.

      Delete
  26. wow, This was right on time. I'm so grateful for your honesty Lindsey. & I have to say your baby bump is so flippin' adorable!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm telling you God is so awesome! I just found your website through an e-friend, and God has really given my so much through you and your ministry.

    I am so appreciative and thankful to God!!!!! What's so wonderful is that God knew that Cornelius and the way you all courted was what you all needed. And God will prepare me in the way that I need. And so on!

    God is an awesome God! Woot!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww! Praise God! Thanks for your encouragement!

      Delete
  28. Heather!
    I thank Our Heavenly Father that He is still using you to write these posts! One key thing that everyone should remember as you said . Put God first in everything (in every area). When a relationship is God lead it should fall into place. This was very inspiring. Im not dating yet but when God graciously blesses me to date the person I need to marry in the future my strongest desire is for both of us to put God first in everything. For both of us to be in love with God more than each other.
    It's amazing how when you do not implement the world's way of dating/ courting into your relationship..THe Lord kills your flesh.. and your striped down like you said. It not only do you grow but mature. mature in Christ Jesus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen sis! I totally agree! God must ALWAYS be #1!

      Delete
  29. Me and my boyf. started out wrong. We never had sex, but we were still touching and such. After a while I started feeling like God was telling me that what we were doing was wrong so I told him and he agreed to stop, but it was really stressful for the both of us because he was used to having a woman in his bed almost every other night. Now, it's gotten easier for us and we don't do any of that which is great, but now I'm feeling like we are unequal spiritually. I think I'm being overly critical and God keeps telling me that I'm not perfect and it took me a while to get to this point. He keeps telling me to be patient with him, but I have problems! It's like I want to rush him into his potential, but it's really not fair for him because all these things take time. Even though I've had many dreams about me and him getting married (i've never had dreams like that about anyone else), i still am unsure about it. We've been together almost two years and I don't want to waste any time if he's not the one. I'm only 19 and in college so marriage is far from my mind, but I would like to know if i'm wasting my time. Our relationship is beautiful and we are honoring God. Honestly, I think I'm being overly critical and just need to take it one day at a time. I just want to do God's will and I'm pressuring myself about it. He's a great guy and loves me with his life. I truly am grateful to have him and I would hate to lose him. Ladies please pray for patience for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am going through the same exact thing right now! OMG I can't lie it makes me feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one I thought I was just jacked up and there was no way I could hear from God. God has really been telling me to trust Him and he has the future in His hands. I know He does and I know that I trust Him. I just don't like not knowing and it frustrates me but I know my Heavenly Father only wants the best for me. I just have to let go and let God; gotta stop worrying about the "what ifs." God has a plan for my life and by seeking Him I can't go wrong. If it is God's will and I stay stead fast in prayer my bf friend grow into the man God called him to be. But that's God's timing not mine and I'm certainly fair from perfect. Until the courting it is! Good luck!

      Delete
  30. I'm in a situation where I was talking to this guy for about 7months until I ended it because we both are trying to get closer to god, but there are times where we would still text eachother and talk. (mind you that he's been single for 5yrs and I 3yrs) the night I was first introduced to him I went home and thought about this guy, & I wasn't really that attracted to him( didn't think he was my type) so long story short, after we stopped talking I prayed to god and asked is this guy for me?? And I told my father to show me, is this man the one for me?. Later that night I had a dream where it was me, him and couple of other people at this place worshiping ( he was playing the keys) then he asked me to get him water, i waited a while before I got it m , but when I finally did someone had already got it for him( another girl) but it was hot! And still full. Then I confronted him with my glass ( which was cold w/ice) and told him" why did you take that water ? You don't want mines anymore "? He said "no! I was waiting for you, I want yours." and together we went to a sink and poured out all the hot(bad) water and he took my glass. Then we walked off together. Heather! Lol i don't know what I
    t meant ! My friend told me what it meant but it's too long to explain. But I'm not to focused on it. right now Jesus is my main focus I gave my whole heart to the Lord and he is all I need now and forever. Thank oh so much heather for all of your posts! You are truely a blessing to me and i Bless the lord for you! Love you and God bless!!! <3:))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am SOO proud of you honey!! That's right! No focusing on anything but Christ alone! God will make things plain for you as you live for Him!

      Delete
  31. Thank you for your raw honesty! It is blessing me!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thank you! This blog post...Wow, it was like you were speaking to me! I just left a two year, on again off again relationship with a guy that "I thought I heard" was gonna be my husband. Throughout the relationship, we did everything but glorify God, although we went to church, Bible study, and read the Word daily. That wasn't penetrating us, instead, we were penetrating eachother. Sad but true. And I believe that more of us women need to be truthful, especially to the next generation. I'm not happy of my mistakes, but if it will stop another lady from going through it, then I'm willing to share my truth. So, thank you Mrs. Heather! This post hit home to me because this last break up with my ex was so very recent and I'm still healing from two years of being out of God's will. I'm thankful that our Father led me to your ministry sister. Blessings to you, your husband, and child.
    Respectfully,
    Your sister in Christ

    ReplyDelete
  33. Praise the Lord !!! I salute you my sister. Thank you so much so sharing your testimony. Next year I will be 40 years of age. Still not married and no children. Got is able to do exceedlingly and abundantly above all that I ask of him. His word will never go to him void.

    ReplyDelete
  34. You took the words and sentiments right from my heart ! As I recently ended a relationship that may have been the right one but at the wrong time, I am learning to embrace my season of singleness to grow closer to God. It started off rough but it is so amazing how all I ever want to do is be in the presence of God and spend more and more time with Him. I thank God for you and your ministry. Your blogs have not only helped me but also a few of my friends that I informed about you. I pray that God continues to give you more wisdom and understanding to help the many women that need to hear what you have to say each day. Love you sis !

    ReplyDelete
  35. Wow! Thank you for this. You wrote this at the right time. It was on my mind. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Awesome post. I stumbled upon your blog from a friend on Facebook. It has been just what I've needed at this season of my life. Total confirmation of what I felt the Spirit has been leading and telling me to do. Thanks for sharing your insight! May God bless your union.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Love this! However, what do you do when you encouraging & pushing YOURSELF towards God & the man you think you're meant to be with has potential but just isn't moving?! (It's also tough b/c this is my child's father :-/) I pray everyday throughout the day, as well as studying the bible but for some reason I don't feel like I hear anything. I'm so indecisive & unsure and cannot seem to distinguish God's voice from my own!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey lovely!
      The more time you spend with God daily-- the more you will hear His voice! :) So if God hasn't said anything about it-- rest. Make sure you're setting up boundaries. No sex before marriage.. no petting, no "everything but sex" no nothing. Which can be hard when you have a child together but you are still expected to live God's way once you give your heart to Him. So.. just keep it up. Give God time to speak after you pour out. Talk to Him daily. Sometimes, we have to obey God in another area FIRST before He will start addressing the next! xo

      Delete
  38. Heather, I always appreciate your blogs, and your prospective on dating and relationships, however, I disagree with your statement that God didn't say'he' is the one. How can you be so sure? What God reveals to each of us is personal. I do agree that if you do think you heard God say something that you shouldn't try to make it happen. Maybe I didn't interpret the words the way you meant it, but I don't believe we should ever 'let go' of something we we heard God say. I believe we should instead seek God for confirmation on what we've heard. He will always confirm His words. As you've stated, the most important thing we should do is pursue God, and in that pursuance, I believe that He will reveal those things concerning our futures, and who He has prepared as our mate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey love!
      I wrote "God didn't tell you" in the context of what I was talking about above. Your emotions told you that "he was the one"-- meaning that if that guy is pushing you AWAY from God, sleeping with you, distracting you & then God is telling you to cut him off.. GOD never told you that. God is all- knowing. He longs for us to be HOLY as He is holy. As I said above-- the proof is in the pudding or the FRUIT of your relationship. xo

      Delete
  39. So apparently God is emailing you directly what is going on in my heart every time you blog, because it is always EXACTLY right where I'm at! I attend a very small church and in my age group there is exactly one single man in that whole church. So of course its only logical we would date...wrong! I'm trusting God with my future, not logistics. But I was feeling discouraged about the lack of potentials on the horizon. Then this past Sunday a handsome, Christian guy I had never seen before was there: the son of a woman in my bible study who is stationed in Korea. (Explains why we havent met!) Now I'm not saying we fell in love and I met my husband- he is in Korea for the next year; im not done with healing from a previous relationship- BUT! I feel like God was showing me "look...I can bring anyone into your life that I choose. On MY time table, MY scenario, MY setting that I appoint. " it was comforting and felt like a hug from God! I was not forgotten and He had no qualms about reminding me that He is the author, the initiator, the creator of me, my life, and the work He is accomplishing in me! He sustains! Don't lose hope! Look for the ways God is trying to HUG YOU!!!

    ReplyDelete
  40. What an awesome post! Thx for your transparency......this really blessed me. I heard you and your husband on the radio while driving home from bible study...good stuff! I will be buying the book tomorrow. Are you a fellow World Changer?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awesome! :) Thanks for tuning in! And we do not attend World Changers Church!

      Delete
  41. Hey Heather, thank you so much for your posts. You do not know what they do for some of us, so thank you.
    I am from Kenya,(Africa)i guess u know that. I was wondering if we could get the pinky promise bracelets easily this sides. I think its a great initiative and one that many would love to have here.
    So tell me what you think about this. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello lovely! :) WE DO ship to South Africa! So cool to be chatting with you and you live there!! :) You can order here: www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com! xo

      Delete
  42. I am happy I stumbled across this blog because having checked out your other posts, I have realised how I can relate to you so much as a young woman; very refreshing. I have two comments:

    1) I am touched by how you said that your courting experience was rough. Really struggling right now and although 'we haven't gone all the way,' I know that all the touching etc is not to the glory of God. I pray hard, read one of your other posts in time past about how to study the word which was a blessing to me. I have implemented it and it has been great as I feel stronger at saying no to my flesh but then after doing so well, we end up falling again not even with fornicating as such but I feel it is still wrong to kissing, rubbing, pecking etc. I have come to my wits end because I just don't know what to do! This has been one of the hardest tests to my faith and will power. I need real practical advice shared!

    Well done and keep up the good work. Look forward to hearing your reply.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Thank you so much for this. I was totally impressed by how honest and transparent you are, I appreciate how you share the things you did wrong so that we can stop sinning. Sometimes as Christians we just talk about how saved we are and never mention how messed up we were, I have been saved for years but I wasn't always living like it, thank you for calling me out! You posted today on IG about not worrying about my time-clock but on pursuing God, you have inspired be to stop obsessing about my age, or if someone will ever marry me before I'm too old to have kids

    ReplyDelete
  44. Thank you so much Heather for sharing this with us. Many of us have experienced this. When I reconnected with my now Husband(We had been friends for more than 10 years, but we lost contact)I heard clearly from God for the first time that this time, let Him seek me and I was obedient and I listened. And boy did it make all the difference. We will be celebrating our 1 year Anniversary in November. My story can be found at www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2012/01/life-comes-full-circle/. I also blog at www.lovebugsworld.wordpress.com Thanks for being so transparent to us because it allows us to be just as open about our life and the things we have been through. I can't wait to meet you at the Conference!!

    ReplyDelete
  45. I'm courting and he is a full time student, working musician, as well as a youth pastor. We recently got into an argument and haven't spoke since Monday.. what advice do you have?

    ReplyDelete
  46. I want to say thanks for reassuring me of everything that I needed to know about God in his answers..... and also for his plans of my life I really loved your story and I know how it feels like to be after God and to lose focus...

    ReplyDelete
  47. Thank you for this blog. This is confirmation. A few months ago I ended a relationship that wasn't right. A few times since then, when I get lonely, I thought about going back to him. The enemy would like me to believe nobody else would want me because I have lupus/fibromyalgia. I didn't, though, and reading this is just further confirmation that I did right. Thank you and keep doing what you do. God bless you, your husband, and Baby Lindsey!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Heather,I hope you are well! Could you please do a blog on healthy friendships and/or how to end an unhealthy one? Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  49. Thank you so much for your posts! I do have a question though. What if the person you were supposed to marry was prophesied to you? This person has revealed things to me before that have come to pass. But this is really confusing me. Ever since that word was spoken things have made a horrible turn for the worse. I feel like I dont know the guy anymore he said some very hateful things and I am not sure that it is repairable. I guess my question is would god choose a person for you that hurt you deeply? Does he let these things happen to teach us a lesson?

    ReplyDelete
  50. Thanks Heather!!! That was right on point!!! (As always!)

    The Lord hasn't told me that "so-and-so" is THE ONE, but what if so-and-so keeps telling ME that I'm his wife??? He claims me in the Name of Jesus and says that I'm destined to be his future wife!!! Shouldn't I hear a confirmation from the Lord too? I'm not hearing anything yet. Lol


    I deeply love this man but I'm not sure if love is enough these days.

    Any thoughts Heather?

    ReplyDelete
  51. Heather, what advice would you give to someone that is struggling to get over someone? I've asked the Lord to help me move on from this person, but each day that I wake up, this man is all I think about that. I don't know what else to do. Out of all the pains and sufferings I had to endure all my life, I would have to say that is the biggest one yet.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Heather,

    My friend posted this blog, and I was so intrigued by it that I had to read it. I am still to this day a virgin, and I just turned 24 years old. I have been in one courtship and I knew God was saying NO to that man. We never kissed, we never did anything, but I listened to people instead of God.
    You blog is inspirational. I would like to add that at times, as women, we have a tendency to want to take things into our own hands. We see our friends getting married, having babies, and we begin to go into a frenzy of panic. "What if I never get married?" "What if...."
    Loved, loved, loved your post.

    Mariam

    ReplyDelete
  53. This is so awesome! For 7yrs I have been chasing a man that I swore up and down that God said was my husband I told him and it did exactly what you said ... FREAKED HIM OUT ...

    It was not til Aug 1 where God told me to "stop forcing and manipulating your own agenda and let Me do MY job" The way he said this too me caused me such agony and disruption I was physically and spiritually uncomfortable with this man even though a month prior we agreed to start fresh get to know each other and wipe the slate clean. I mean I was so uncomfortable I was portrayed as unstable because at that time I did not know what was going on with me. And I thought he was the problem. When I sat down and poured out to God about how I was feeling He told me to walk away from him. I was then led to fast for 1 month. I tell you now I am set free from my emotional instability and I am able to actually be friends with this man (considering we work in ministry together) I have been praying that God constantly leads me even as I fast the reminder of this year from dating as it seems to be a distraction for me at this time ...

    Nonetheless I am writing a blog in my response! :-) I'm done yappin'
    Great insight great blog! Praise God! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  54. Lindsey, I always find inspiration in your blogs. Every time I read them I feel like God is speaking directly to me. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  55. my husband is studying to be a christian counselor and this is a topic that came up in one of his courses recently, about someone else's adam/someone else's eve. i had never really heard it put that way before, but it makes oh so much sense! we have to let God be in control of our lives including relationships, and like you said, it doesn't take us to articulate what we *think* God might be saying (for instance the woman you mentioned). enjoying reading your posts and your ministry!

    morgan

    ReplyDelete
  56. Hey Heather!,
    I have been following your posts for quite some time now and it's extremely encouraging. Anyways, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now and it's bee long distance for 2/3 of that time. I am going back home for permanent in December and I am kind of nervous about our relationship. I am so use to having distance that I have no idea how to handle this" he's right there" kind of feeling. Sexual purity and emotional purity is so important to me, so that's a small concern. As well, I am only 19 (I'l be 20 in Jan), but our relationship has been growing immensely and the love is growing day by day. Should I even be thinking about marriage?
    He works in all ways,
    Elizabeth
    P.S May the Lord bless you abundantly and the fruits of your marriage be a humbling sacrifice unto Him who's worthy.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Hey Heather I really hope you respond to this comment!
    First off, I'd like to say God bless you for this post, it was really encouraging. My dilemma is this. I met this guy a few years ago and we started hanging out a lot together and we became very good friends. Then one day, a thought occurred to me, that I would like to marry my best friend, and this guy's name popped into my mind. I immediately became very disgusted and afraid. I still would hang out with him and all, but I felt a few months ago that the Lord was challenging me to not spend so much alone time with a guy that was not my husband. At first, I didn't listen, but now I'm listening loud and clear. Here's the problem though, I'm really afraid that the Lord is calling me to be with this person. Heather, I don't want to be with this person. I'm not attracted to this person AT ALL!!!! The idea of being married with this person really bothers me. In fact it more than bothers me. But I also recognize that spiritually, he's the man! I mean, he certainly has his problems that God needs to help him with, but I could totally see him being a spiritual leader. But I still don't want to marry him, and I'm scared that God will ask me to. Am I going crazy? What's your advice? Surely there's got to be a man that I'm both spiritually AND physically (and of course emotionally) attracted to? Surely God cares about what I like in a man? What do you think? Please respond? OOH and God bless you and your baby :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, I just read your post and I am not Heather (Sorry Heather, I hope you don't mind :) but I just wanted to encourage you concerning your situation. I believe that if God is speaking to you, he will speak to this man too. God can cause this man to pursue you regardless of what you feel but please pray and fast seriously about what you feel in your spirit so that you stay on the right path- Gods path. Marriage means decades of being with someone so spending a few years to pray for this union and to prepare yourself is the best gift you can give to yourself to your husband to be and it truly is the best gift God can give to you too, I hope this helps a little. Stay blessed.

      Delete
  58. Omg to the person who posted the comment above me. I'm going through the same dilemma as well. I made the mistake of asking God to show me who I'm supposed to marry and I too was shown a guy I haven't seen in over 11 years and I'm not the least bit happy about what I was shown. So everyday I'm living in fear about running into this guy and ending up with him. Like you I feel angry, hopeless and extremely scared, and I'm also interested in somebody else. I feel like I opened a door that should've stayed shut. The worst thing you can do is to try too look into the future because when you see something that doesn't sit well with you it strips you away of being hopeful and optimistic about the future. I almost feel like there's nothing exciting to look forward too. Just empty.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I am in tears of joy over your article! This was an on-time word! Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your story! So many of us are in the space of waiting on God, thank you for this encouragement! God bless you, your husband and your baby!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Can you please write an article on how to get over someone? I think that this is one of the things in life that really drives us to extreme depression and sadness. Maybe not for everyone, but you have to admit that it's one of the worst emotional battles you have do deal with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello! I did! :) Check out "We just broke up, now what?
      "

      Delete
  61. Amazing post and right on time. God used this post and your newest post to confirm some things for me. I am whole heartedly pursuing my first love, my first husband...Christ! As of very recently, I may not have the man I was courting and thought was my husband...but I do have my God given, God centered peace! Thank God for you!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Thank God for this article you wrote! Sis,sometimes its not easy after seeing what God showed you through dreams or visions and how specifically when u pray time and time again, God confirmed these with His Word. He didn't tell me that he is the One but when I prayed and in my dream, I saw this church and him. I knew at once(after praying) that He wanted me to go to this church. Before i obey Him to go to this church,I have no peace. Right now I attends this church and have more joy in my life.
    Regarding this guy who God showed in my dreams, things ain't exactly happening yet but I know like what you posted, if its him,he will pursue. I'm letting him go bit by bit and focus totally on Christ. Im surrendering it to Christ and i know i can trust in His choice and guidance to my future spouse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tricia. April 28, 2014 at 12 am

      I agree, God have revealed to me in several dreams and revelations the man that Im to marry. He attends my church.
      Im waiting and seeking God. Not sure if he is aware of it.

      Delete
  63. YOUR WORDS HAVE JUST TOUCHED MY SPIRITS !

    ReplyDelete
  64. YOUR WORDS HAVE JUST TOUCHED MY SPIRITS !

    ReplyDelete
  65. I know I'm late in all but I just joined the movement and thus far I have enjoyed every post of yours. Thanks for sharing your story and providing us single women with the inspiration to continue to live for and focus our attention on God.
    Take away message for me is "My one-day husband is suppose to PUSH me closer to Christ".

    ReplyDelete
  66. Sis,

    I am sooooooooooooo glad that you wrote this. I have seen many sisters who have had their lives stalled, missed who GOD actually has for them, delay destiny and fulfillment, and waylay purpose simply because of theis singular issue. I have also seen brothers be irresponsible and take advantage of the situation knowing that they do not want them (these women as a wife) and drop them like a slippery fish.

    I pray that many will listen to you (as they read-and most of all HEAR GOD). I have wept, been heart-broken, gotten angry, almost got distracted from my calling as a Shepherd, and have finally resolved to pray and let the "proverbial" garter fall where it may.

    Please do not ever refrain from telling the truth. . .On Behalf Of All Who Love GOD's People, even when they do not see it, Thank You!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can't miss God's opportunity for you. What is in God's will happen.

      Delay destiny and fulfillment, and waylay purpose?? (interesting)

      God does not choose your spouse, you make that decision on your own. He has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit and His living word to guide us in decision making situations.

      Grace and Peace,
      Love

      Delete
    2. Well, the israelites were lost in the dessert for 40 years because they refused to listen to God. We can delay God's purpose and at times people with great missions (such a mighty men of God) have passed away without accomplishing their purpose or simply because God punished them. Examples are men of God such as Moses ( He did not see the promise land as God initially intended) and David (His son Solomon had to build the temple that God had initially planned for him to build) The choices we make till we run out of time really can change God's plan even though He himself seeks to bring us to his expected and planned out destination in our lives. If we repent in time and turn away from our old ways, he can make a way for us again because he is simply Awesome!

      Delete
  67. Thankyou. If you don't mind, I would like to know how you and your boyfriend broke up? Were you praying for it?

    ReplyDelete
  68. Thankyou, Heather. If you don't mind I would like to know how you and your boyfriend broke up? Were you praying for it?

    ReplyDelete
  69. Reading this just brought tears to my eyes...so happy I read it...It brings clarity to my current situation...God is touching you in ways that is Blessing countless others like myself. Love ya sis...xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  70. oh my goodness, i feel like that is what happened to me. i thought i heard "he's the one" now i'm dealing with the break up part. i feel encouraged during this time, its been really hard, thank you

    ReplyDelete
  71. WOW, this is just for me. You are a blessing . I believe God led me to your blog. What perspective! You are anointed sis.I went through something similar, I had rededicated my life to Christ,I was looking forward to what God would do for me and what we would do together, I was praying and fasting. DATING WAS THE LAST THING ON MY MIND. Then, I had a dream about me and some christian man at my work place and a few weeks later, he actually asked me out and proposed marriage on the first date!! He told me he felt everything felt right, that it was a divine appointment, he was interested in a serious relationship leading strictly to marriage blah, blah, blah. Oh goodness me, I was over the moon, because I was tired of bad relationships. Anyway, to say I was disappointed is an understatement, he led me into sexual sin and I got hooked to him big time. It was like I had fallen apart, he began withdrawing and acting up and dating other women!!. I became the pursuer! I told him he was my man and I would keep him at whatever cost(My relationship with the Lord was relegated to the back of my mind) In my mind he was the "one" I prayed about our relationship so much but also prayed many times that God would deliver me from the relationship cos this brother was acting up big time for so long but I always thought "But he is the One" I had no one to give me wise counsel, most pastors instead asked me to pray for him, that he would change. I broke things off many times but I was hooked. After many unfortunate incidents, I finally let him go when I realised I was the only one giving a damn about the relationship. It was soooooooooo hard and it still is sometimes but its ok. Now I believe God has my godly spouse in store for me. I am so excited to be pursuing a relationship with God again and focusing solely on him. This man was in my hair, phew!!!

    ReplyDelete
  72. This post is good and encouraging...

    My thing is just because a Christian couple falls in sin together doesn't mean they are not meant for each other. As believers we know right from wrong. It is our responsibility that we submit to God's commandment and listen instead of ignoring him.

    I know a few strong sound believers who slipped up but are happily married today. Falling doesn't mean the person is not the one. You touched on the point about leading. A man must indeed lead the relationship towards Christ. Because Christ is all we need in the world.

    As far as hearing something... I believe you will be assured from the Holy Spirit that the person you are courting is your husband. You will be at peace with your decision. If you find yourself talking yourself into being with someone, that is a bad idea.

    On that note, awesome post. I just don't want some readers to feel the need to hear something, it's not always like that.

    Grace and Peace :)

    ReplyDelete
  73. Rikeshia Precious BaxterMay 4, 2013 at 12:46 AM

    BEAUTIFUL!PRAISE GOD!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Thanks so much!!! This was amazing and I thought I was the only one who went through the "he's your husband thing!" I didn't have peace about it since the beginning and 8 years later I'm good and ready to lay down that torch. I mean it's not like I haven't tried, but I just believed and believed and believed even when I didn't have a reason to believe. Anyways, I love you and thanks again!

    ReplyDelete
  75. This happened to me as well. I cannot believe I'm not the only one this has happened to. Thank you for your honest testimony. To God be the Glory!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not replying specifically to this post but many of them. I have read all of them and what concern is that my relationship with a women that i turly love so dearly and like all of you I felt from the moment i heard on the other side of the phone "SHE IS GOING TO BE MY WIFE" now was i looking for a wife of course i was. I have treated every relationship i have been in as if it were a marriage rather then something I was doing for the moment. Granted at such a young age beginning at 17 now 55 I didnt know about gods principles or much about his word. But i did know right from wrong.

      You see i have always viewed wemon as the most pericious gift other then life given to man. That every man should be so thankful for the woman he has in his life,not because we chose you, but because you choose us out of all the men you could have choosen you pick us.

      My concern is this. I had leave the one woman that i adore so very much because of the abuse i suffered at her hand stimming from a horrible childhood, being cheated on, physically and sexually abused, rape and adanbon by her mother at a very young age. She is strong, intelligent, has the biggest heart i have ever seen, loving, caring, and a true child of god. She worships on the regular, prayer groups, youth ministries, and i have watch this dinamic woman fight against the odds. She has a smile that could light up the darkest corner of any bleeding heart and she loves me so completely that she can barely stand it herself. She speaks with such authority in the word that you would stop just to see whos speaking. And this little bitty beautiful soul behind close doors would hit me, cuss at me, humiliate me, belittle me and turn right around to read her bible.

      Much of what you all have posted would be her post about me. But what she wouldn't say is he stood by me through ecerything while i put everything before him friends family co workers jobs men exspecially. Any man! What she wouldnt say is how she employ the silent treatment for days and days at a time to the point of pure abuse. What she wouldnt say is how from the very first week of our meeting one another she would accuse me of cheating even with tge very woman that introduced us.

      You wouldn't no that I supported her and the money i would give her for that support she would give to others and lie to me about why things aren't being paid.

      I am a man that believes that girlfriend gets girlfriend things and your wife get wife things. I never paid wemons bills car notes rent or morgages. I believed that a girlfriend was temporary yet you most always because shes a woman treat her with the utmost respect know that oneday it might end. But a wife as we know marriages fail but should be treat with the exspectation of forever. The pure example of dating with a purpose.

      Ladies I love this even till this day I write this post with tears in my eyes and a heart felt prayer that you too presented yourself worthy to these men in away you wanted them to be your Adam.

      I am her Adem and she is my Eve. But there has been so many advisers in her life that strengthens her to believe i am not hers. Be careful of what you say and please stuck by it once said,. Dont treat men like you have been treated and forget we are not perfect and we do have our flaws as well.

      I was to be married this month to the most wonderful woman on this planet and i had to leave her because of how i was treated. I have ebdured much and will endure more. Have i place my love for her over god. I thought i did but realized nothing can replace my god. But i did place her over all man because i view her as my wife. Heather my dear you are wonderful and its your post that had mad

      Delete
  76. ...i am in tears for more than one reason....a. Because I am indeed happy for you & glad to see that it is possible to do it the right way....but also because i am.in a very uncomfortable spot right.now. For someone who has been in a relationship all the time, it's been weird being single for the last 2 years (as far as a serious relashionship)...ive had 2 1/2 serious relationships (the first one was only 6 months)...the next one was 3 years & the last one 2 years. After the last one ended, i tried to commit suicide & went thru extreme depression. I felt like i was in a daze.
    Within the last 2 yrs, there have been a handful of guys, but it seemed the ones i really liked, didnt like me back (ive been fighting back & forth.w/ this last one for almost a year now smh) & the ones that really like me, im like, "uuuhhhh, no" lol...i received spiritual instruction that i am not.to focus on dating/men AT ALL, but solely focus.on seeking God. The jacked up part is, idk how to do this. I am afraid that God is going to.forget about me. I am 29, never.been married & have no children. I feel like time is running out. But God wants me to just sit.still???????????? This has me terrified, scared, confused, angry, and in tears. Im prepared to go thru it because I want to be obedient...but I.am terrified. Funny thing is, I was just askes on my first date in idk HOW many months. And I cant even enjoy myself. I almost just wanna give up on dating altogether.
    Just keep me in prayer please. =(...

    ReplyDelete
  77. This is beautiful in away I wish I would have maintained mygodly principles in the way your husband has done. I write you with no disrespect ment towards your husband because I need a godly womans perspective on what will follow. Please understand I am a 55 yr. Old man that is not in the habit of reaching out to anyone but Christ. OK here goes. I have always followed gods lead all through my life with many great abd wonderful relationships. I have always look for the forefillment of love true love. Not this superficial understanding of love, but gods love. From my teenage years I was not one that followed others or view sex as mianingless. Without the ture understanding of Christ I have sex with about maybe 12 wemon in my life. I have always been commited to long term faithful relationships. I was the type that would wait at least a year with a woman before engaging in sex. I been married once 17 yrs. To a woman I did love yet out of obligation. During this marriage I was completely faithful on every level to her. With her I found that being faithful has nothing to do with love but the charecter of a person. After our seperation and devorce I was involved with a woman that I guess I loved but never being in love made it difficult for her so I called it off. After that time I prayed to god crying and bleeding from my heart soul and spirit that I will not choose anylonger, and that he choose the woman that will be my wife. For 8 yrs. I REMAINED WITOUT SEX IN ANY FORM. In February 2011 the phone rang it was a very good female friend of mine hat I met 5 yrs ealier telling me about this woman I should meet. I being the kind that is nit into that type of thing the hook up. I quickly refused. She was relentlence in us meeting over the course of a few days. So I agreed that she give this younglady my number to get her off my back hoping that she would nit call. If she did I would have a respectful conversation with her say my good byes and ket my friend no welk we talked but thanks bjut ni thanks. She called. When she stated who she was and I first heared her voice I knew she was my wife. I mean there is so much more to this story before during and after our meeting that continiously told me she is my wife. She had even said it before I even spoke on it that the lord told me you are going to be my husband. I believed this trusted this and prayed for this. We met a week later. Spent a heart felt moment and returned to my home. Now for any other man that might be the standard. For me no one was invited to my home becausr it was my place of godly peace. Yet without thinking I welcomed her to my home. I did not want to kiss her or defile her in anyway. To make a long story short we made love that night. Hours after meeting each other something I had never done before. She to stated that she had not had sex for 8 yrs. Prior to me waiting on gods choice for a husband. I COULDN'T STOP, NIGHT AFTER NIGHT NON STOP. I knew this was worng and went against god but when I would try, She akways accused me of cheating on her even with the very friend that introduced us. I feel in love with woman the first time I heard her voice and am inlove with her to this day. However, as I want to stop because gods will for this love is to be faithful to him. I feared losing her if I stopped she would think I was cheating on her. I broke off this relationship only a few days ago and ask tgat you pray for ne you abd your husband.

    ReplyDelete
  78. I wish I had read this last year. It would have saved me from the embarrassment and heartache I went through this year. You wrote this story on my birthday and this really is significant to me because it all started a year and a day before my b day. Thank God there is no guilt or condemnation for those who are in Christ. Stay blessed and thank you sis. -Sonia

    ReplyDelete
  79. Whew I just wrote longest response to someone else and am exhausted so all I say is this. I want encourage folks not date at all. I've read stories where folks didn't date. If you know then just agree be friends til God says get married. Yah sounds hard but not really if we focus obey God nonstop it's easier. So 2 key things my friend said Lord gonna release specialists in January. Woman man and child days are coming for open air preaching nonstop and confession of all known sins. Also really important break all lust roots with anyone ever dated kissed cuddled etc. Go thru all men and put their name in prayer and break off each in name of Christ and break off mind heart body soul and spirit all soul ties with _______. Each name comes to mind. Breaking all soul ties http://www.furyoffaithministries.org/Deliver-breaking_soul_ties.html

    ReplyDelete
  80. Thank you so much. I'm 15 and googled "God told me not to, but I did anyways". I found this which is such a blessing because like you, as a Christian God has given me gifts and a calling that enable me to work for Him. I'm dating this guy and sooner then later we got very sexual; we don't have sex but texting and Skype can go a little too far. I'm not aloud to be in private with him so this is as private as we can get. I have noticed since we started going out I haven't been reading the Word as much, I text him during church, in the church nursery when I'm working with my children, and during choir practice. Our relationship is PULLING me away from God. I love my boyfriend, he's probably not the one for me, but very much like in your story he has been so sweet to me and we can talk forever. This has opened my eyes. Thank God for putting it in you to write and thank you for writing because this was much needed.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Hi Heather,

    I was previously in a relationship for over two years and he encouraged me in God but later it went wrong because we started having sex. Later I wrote some declarations to God about how my husband and how I want him to love God and find me not like my previous relationships. A few months later someone I had known and spoke to casually for months he started talking to me more and spoke to our bishop and both our parents about pursuing me. We've been praying and fasting together and I believe he's my husband because when I pray about certain things concerning him God confirms it but some people are implying that he's not my husband and he's just a counterfeit which is making me doubt a bit. What advice would you give.

    I bless God for how He continually uses you and your family. Love you sis!

    ReplyDelete
  82. I'm dating a guy now who is definitely not my type and I'm wondering if this could be a reason to think that we should not be together because sometimes I am NOT physically attracted to him. I hear God telling me to walk away sometimes but then other times I feel like we're supposed to be together. I think the biggest issue I have is his physical appearance...he sweet and kind and wonderful but just having a hard time dealing with the exterior can you give me your thoughts on this!? Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  83. This really hit home...lol I know I am almost a year and a half late on this post, but God's word is ALWAYS relevant...I was going through a similar experience although I did not pursue the guy (mostly coz I was to proud to even attempt) the idea of knowing pushed me from God,I was in no way attracted to this guy and it upset me coz I felt trapped an obligated to marry this guy.Yes he is godly and everything you would want in a man as a christian women,but I was not ready for any relationship.Instead of seeking this guy I prayed and fasted and heard God clearly on the matter.I was never so relieved that I heard wrong.Just love this post!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  84. @Nelly, so just to be clear, God told you he wasn't the one?

    ReplyDelete
  85. What if you married a guy God told you to let go and you married him but you also had no self worth, felt like he was the only man you could get.and you had sex with him while he was still married to his ex-wife. And things are not going good and you want out what should you do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, just saw this i'm so sorry for the situation you're in. But I just came out of a relationship too. Let me use this analogy the boiling frog syndrome . When you put a frog in a pot of cool water and gradually heat it up the frog stays in there till it boils to death . In the same way, there's no doubt there is damage you're emotionally attached and love this man. But by letting go will it hurt of course it will. But staying longer will only cause you further damage like the frog you won't even know when things get so bad. You're such a blessed person to realise your self worth you now know you deserve better . You are a child of God and He loves you . We can't look for our self worth from men because that can come and go but God can give us our self worth. I cannot stress enough love you more right now and let go. When we make the right choice no matter how hard God always has our back xxx

      Delete
  86. You answered the question I have been asking God thanks:)

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...