Tuesday, August 28, 2012

"The Fear Struggle"




So this area has been heavy on my heart lately. Why talk about fear? Because fear attacks our hearts everyday—from “WHEN am I going to get married?! What happens if I can’t get pregnant? What if something happens to my baby?  Am I going to be too old to have kids? Am I going to randomly get shot in a movie theatre? What about my kids? What if their friends make the wrong decisions and peer pressure my child to do the wrong thing? What if I get evicted? What if something happens to my husband---Oh gosh, I couldn’t live on this earth without him! What if something happens to my mother or father?  WORRY.. worry.. worry & FEAR.. Fear FEAR. It is PARALYZING you from really enjoying Christ and your relationship with Him.

Isn’t it ironic that we immediately think of all the bad things that could happen to our loved ones and the crazy thing is—those things have never happened to our loved ones! Along the way—we’ve picked up fear from CNN, Fox News, TV, movies, other families and google. And yes, I say google because the second we have an issue, we run to google to see if other people have gone through what we are going through. And honestly, if you go online you will find so many BAD stories and very few success stories.  And I have to be honest with you, if you have  “friend” that is FILLED with fear and is ALWAYS saying crazy, negative stuff—you should probably limit the amount of time you spend with them. They are poisonous to your life and you will find yourself fearing things you never feared before. Also, turn off First 48, Law & Order or any other show that creates fear in your heart.

So I’m writing this blog to encourage you to rest. I sense such a worry in the hearts of so many. A complete fear, When we fear we tell God that we really don’t trust Him or His guiding. God is clear—Our days our numbered on this earth (Ps. 103:15) As much as we can kick and scream at that scripture, at some point—we all will leave this earth. So while you’re here—you have to make it good and you have to place your trust and hope in Jesus Christ alone.

The sad thing is, we fear all of these natural disasters and freak accidents but we don’t fear laying in the bed with our little boyfriend and having sex outside of marriage.  We don’t fear not submitting to our husbands. We don't fear sneaking & watching pornography on our phones. We don’t fear reaching out to ex boyfriends that you’re still in love with while married on facebook and creating emotional ties that lead to physical ties. We don’t fear lying here & there.. we don’t really fear God. We fear things the obvious  “fears” will affect us physically (even though the secret sins do just as much damage). Our fear is about us and it has nothing to do with God. We don’t want to get hurt. WE don’t want to get evicted. It’s all selfish & about you.

What happen? When did we start fearing things and stop fearing God?!? A fear of God says—I’m in awe of you God. You created the heavens, earth & all these humans on this earth. You’re in control of it all and I ain’t gonna sit up here and let the enemy harass my mind.  Fearing God is being holy because He his Holy (1 Peter 1:16). Fearing God says you want what God wants and you want to do what He wants you to do. It’s because you love Him so much, you have a reverential fear for Him. This crazy love.

You may say—look, Heather—I aint there. How can I get this fear back for God? I ask you to look at your life. When you deliberately sin,, you harden your heart against God. If you are intentional about ignoring Him and more focused on doing what you want to do, you God’s strong voice that gave you that check in your heart in the beginning.. will slowly disappear. You have hardened your heart against God and turned your heart towards sin. Of course you don’t fear God anymore. You’ve built & created idols and now you worship those things with your life and not the living God.  And it’s too hard for you in your head to cut off a bad relationship or a friendship because you don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings but you KNOW it aint right. Everytime you disobey God.. and ignore Him on purpose.. you’re hardening your heart. Obey QUICKLY. Don’t even entertain those crazy emotions that say “you’ll hurt their feelings, what about this? What about that?!” Let’s stack it up—place God & that person, job or thing next to Him. Which one do you want? You may quickly say “GOD!” I want GOD! If you really want HIM.. you’ll CHOOSE Him. Your life will demonstrate your choice.

I struggled with fear GREATLY throughout my life. I was a huge worrier. I definitely got it from my mama! I guess if you had 24 children (adopted all but one, including me! J) You may find yourself worried about their lives in some type of way. My mom always got so involved in every situation someone was going through & she brought it on herself. Most recently, I had to tell her—“MAMA! You’re 70 years old! Stop all that stressing out! You are too old to take on the cares of everybody else. All of your children are 18 and older—old enough to make decisions for themselves. You can no longer control that.”  Anyway , I somehow picked that up growing up. I also experienced death with family members at a young age. Although I don’t remember them very well, my two brothers passed away when I was about 5 or 6. One murdered, one had a heart transplant and his body rejected the heart. Then, when I was 16 (One day after my birthday) on September 19th, 1998 my best friend and sister, Kimmy died. Gosh. My heart was officially broken. I was crushed. She’s the one who first told me about Christ and she was like a second mom. She was only 21. The doctors overdosed her on anesthetic during a routine checkup for Cystic Fibrosis.  No, we didn’t sue. We didn’t want to re-live & fight with anyone. My parents were those types of people. They believed that God’s vengeance was stronger then their own.  Then, my father passed away in 2000. It was devastating. I was at Michigan State University for a summer program and he passed. He had been sick for awhile, but it was still hard. Then, a few years passed and my mother remarried and after 7 years—my step-father passed way—taking me up to this past year. Then, a month later, my nephew committed suicide. THEN, my girlfriend, Cathy passed away suddenly of a brain aneurysm. All within about 2 months. TALK about FEAR! 



...The second Cornelius (my husband) left the house for two seconds I would get these crazy thoughts! What if someone hurts him in the parking lot. What if a homeless guy attacks him? What if this.. what if that?! I was so wrapped up in fear and abandonment. So I would give him the LONGEST hug & kiss before he left and I would tell him like 50 million times how much I loved him. I just had too many people die in my life and I wanted to hold on tight to those that I loved. After I CLUNG to my husband for a couple more months.. I realized that my clinging was based in fear. Fear that I would lose him like I lost so many others. Fear of going through what my mother went through twice. Gosh, it was so hard. So one day, as I was spending time with God—His presence wrecked me. He showed me how much I didn’t really trust Him. He showed me that no matter what happens in my life that He is with me and that He won’t put more on me then I can bear.  As hard as it was—I decided to take baby steps by faith and trust Him. Have I all the way arrived?! HECK no! I will never arrive. Even as I type this—I’m sitting on a plane. I feared planes for years—because I knew if I crashed, my tail was gonna die. Now, while flying—I look out the window and I get to see a birds eye view of what God sees. It makes my issues seem so tiny. God is so huge! He’s in control of our lives!! He has our back!! He LOVES us so much!! I have completely submitted my whole heart to Jesus so my life is REALLY in His hands. I don’t have to put up with getting harassed by satan and NEITHER do YOU. I know that … I can do all things through Christ WHO strengthens ME. And it is through Him.. we are free from fear. It is THROUGH Him.. we have peace in peaceless situations. It’s through HIM.. we have joy when it looks like we shouldn’t be happy. Our hope is in Jesus alone. Let’s not place it in anybody or anyone else.

If you’re struggling with fear, I recommend that you meditate on these scriptures in addition to guarding your heart:

2 Timothy 1:7- I have not given you the spirit of fear, put of power, love and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:18- There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath torment. He that fearth is not made perfect in love.

Luke 4:10- For it is written, He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee. And in their hands they shall bear me up, if I dash my foot against a stone.

Fun reminders:

If you want some cute Pinky Promise bracelets, shirts, or journals go here:

If you want to sign up for a local Pinky Promise Group in your area-- go here! There's about 4500 girls in groups all over the world! Pretty awesome! Go here: 

If you want to sign up for the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta--I would LOVE to see you! More details are here: 


GOD loves you like crazy,


Heather Lindsey



34 comments:

  1. I struggle so bad with fearing death. I honestly thank you for this post! I have had to seek counseling through the church for it and it helps some, but I know that if I keep my eyes on God I will be fine. It's just comforting to know that others go through it too and are seeking peace as well. Thank you so much Heather! May God continue to bless you and your family and congrats on your baby! :-)

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  2. Its so amazing how I was just discussing with someone how afraid I was about the future. I am a worry by nature from my Mom but this helps reassure me that I can overcome those fears through Him. Overtime I feel worry or anxiety or uneasy about something I can press into God already knows the end result. What a relief!

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  3. This is so on time! I too have a mom who is always going from 1-100 on the scale of worst thoughts possible. She gets wrapped up in the news which totally instills that fear within her thus passing it on to me. But learning to suppress and pray through my fears I became more faithful than I could've ever imagined. I guess I didn't have a choice but to do so in order to offset what was being spoken into the atmosphere. (My family didn't learn the power of the tongue.) Not having my father around and being in an atmosphere of Domestic Violence I feared & ran from commitment. I never had a desire to marry because I was afraid that all men would eventually become abusive. But GOD! God sent me the most amazing, God fearing man I couldn't have created in the corner of my mind. :) So once we got married I too would CLING to him out of fear of losing him. Not because of death but because I felt like "someone like me" didn't deserve "someone like him" and the only way I could understand that not working out in my favor is that if something happened to him. (Thank God for deliverance.) Once I got past that fear we had a son. That we prayed for and God is a man of his word. The doctors told me I wouldn't be able to have a child without doing some type of treatment. I prayed like Hannah and asked God to send us a son. He had the last say so not them. And because God is awesome :) He did. But recently I started having this fear of something happening to my son. He's so discerning at only 14 months you can see the calling on his life. Through my dreams a lot that is manifested where I can see the enemy trying to attack my son. So I spend a lot of time covering our family especially him in prayer. But like you said we have to guard our hearts, be mindful of what/who we let in/surround ourselves with, and spend more time meditating on what God says in His word. It's not always easy and we're works in progress but this gave me confidence I needed to keep pressing! Love you!

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  4. So timely! Awesome blog...continue to let God use you :)

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  5. Thanks Heather! God bless you!

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  6. This is Joana. Heather I desperately needed this. I am such a big worrier, and will constantly go before God with all my worries instead of enjoying His presence. My hubby is traveling back home after 10 years to Africa to see his family for 16 days. So is going to be me and our lil 2 year old daughter. Talk about Fear. But Fear is a choice and I choose to have the mind of Christ.Thank you for your blogs, you have been through alot and I admire your perseverance. God is about to blow your mind my sis. Kisses to the lil one in the oven. God bless you and keep you. Love you

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  7. I just want to thank you SO much for allowing God to use you in such a powerful way. It’s funny how you can be going through it one day, and the next day you hear a word from the Lord that just turns your situation all the way around!! I declare that I will pray and seek God to cast all of the fear out of my heart and allow me to live my life without worrying. I will not be a worrier anymore! I will guard my eyes, ears, heart from things that encourage discontent, fear, infidelity, etc. God doesn't want me to destroy the mind he wants to be dedicated to him and only him. I could go on and on about how good he is to his children but I will end with a huge THANK YOUUUU and a CONGRATS to you and Cornelius on the pregnancy! :))

    God is so good and YES he does love us like crazy!!!

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  8. Ok, I'm first to comment! Yay! I want to tell you about a personal presentation I did for my Oral Communication class. I talked about when I first had my heart broken & how bad it hurt me! But it led me to want a closer relationship with God! So I was like the first to present. After me, other ladies got up talking about how they were Hurt as well & how it still bothers them! That's when I decided I must start a Pinky Promise here on my school campus, Alcorn State!! There are soo many young ladies that are not completely healed from past hurts & pains! I know together with God they will be healed & whole again!! I just feel it in my spirit! I thank God for someone like you! For God using you, many of us will be healed & able to move on & love again! Thank you & I love you!

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  9. Heather thank you for sharing the fears and losses you have experienced.  I recently and unexpectedly lost my baby at nearly 3 months of pregnancy. I was devastated. When I was finally able to see the truth that everyone and everything in our lives belongs to God, I was freed from that fear and pain. I draw strength and confidence knowing that no matter who or what I may lose in this life, God is STILL THERE just as He has alway been. His presence is my ongoing peace. :) 

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  10. This post was right on time. Bringing me to tears. Thank you so much for sharing Christ in the manner that you do. Can't wait to meet you in January. May God continue to bless you real good.
    Much Love,
    Alexandra

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  11. This is a beautiful blog, thanks for sharing:)

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  12. Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real

    I thank GOD for you posting this Heather. I myself struggle with fear. I struggle with fear of time passing me by. I struggle with am I ever going to get married and have kids? I struggle with what if I'm walking home one day, and someone has an accident and I have to help them, or if men were going to grab me and rape me? What if I never get a job? What if I never get to own my own business? It was nuts! And surprisingly, when I was with my randoms, I didn't worry about the condom breaking or catching anything. A MESS...

    I'm finally realizing that fear is the devil's way of playing head games with us. It's ridiculous, really, when you realize how BIG God is... :) God is bigger than any fear or circumstance that we have. We serve the One who hold time in His hands. We don't have to worry about it passing us by. He controls all things. Nothing is going to happen that we don't know about.

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  13. Heather, So true! We need not be afraid or worry about the unknown. For God is truly in control once we surrender our lives and hearts completely to Him. Love will always be with us where ever we go, so there's no need to fret. Thank You for all your encouragments and enlightenments sis, I cannot tell you how much you have helped me in my walk with Christ but I give Glory to God for your obedience. Also Congrats to the 2 of you on baby Lindsey. Extra Excited for you two. Much Love your pinky promise sis Shola!

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  14. Wow. I thank God for you and for your obedience to Him. Thank you for posting this. God bless you :)

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  15. Sometimes i feel like my whole life is boxed up because of fear and this has made me feel like im not the only one and i can hand it all over to God and trust its gonna be ok and the things that happen are his will, Thank you for this post!!

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  16. Wow ! Wow ! I have nolticed that I worry a lot and if I don't get a response from friends and family I panic and thnk the worse. I've been like this for years related to many loss in my family and surviving 5 tragic car accidents (none my fault). That's a testimony for another time. Thanks Heather, its time to live by faith totally and stop being a slave to fear.

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  17. This blog really has blesses me beyond measures. I truely am walking this fear thing out. I always put a timing on God about marriage and children "fearing" that he forgot about me. But reading the first sentence of this really shows me im not alone. I know that God has great things in store for me and just reading this helps me know that im on the right track and know im FREE!

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  18. This was an awesome article! I struggled for many years with worry and anxiety! God has really been working on me, and I see how far He has brought me, but I still have work to do! Thanks for your insight!

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  19. I needed this!!! Thank you! I had to sing myself out of fear this morning (God has not given us, a spirit of fear (2x's) but He has given unto us, a spirit of power, a spirit of love and a sound mind). I've been so scared about losing my job lately. Even if I lose it, so what? God is all I need. He's always provided for me and has never failed me, even when I had foolishly turned my back on Him for a few years and through all of that He still had my back! I love Him so much for His faithfulness, mercy and grace. Thanks so much! (Congrats -- Baby Lindsey!)

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  20. For a long time I was afraid that no one would accept me as I am. I've always been told that I don't "fit" the part (literally lol) or that I need more than what I have in order to do what I feel God wants me to do. As a result, I've developed a strong feeling of FEAR of rejection... not just in ministry, but as well as my getting married. I was told that I was too fat and that a guy wouldn't want me because I was over weight, I was also told that I'm a little too nice and a smile too much and a man might not like that about me because I come off as immature. I've been praying for a husband and pretending to have faith that he'll come, but truth be told, I've had fears that maybe the reason why he hasn't come is because I'm still overweight. God has been dealing with me all day today regarding fear and courage. He's even sent a dream to a friend of mine that is also dealing with fear. It's time that I put this fear to rest once and for all. Please pray for me!

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  21. Bless you sis!! The Lord always gives you a Word that sounds like it was made just for me but I;m thankful to know that I'm not in this thing by myself. Here I was crying just a second ago over failing another math class and stressing out over how I'm going to pay for it and I saw a link to your blog on twitter. It felt like I was losing charge as a Christian and thanks to this blog, I've identified the culprit...fear!!

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  22. You & your husband are truly a blessing, and I only wish I would've known about the two of you sooner lol. Thank you for your encouraging and uplifting words. <3

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  23. I can recall so many times where I've let fear hold me back (some mentioned by many of you already). This piece convicted me because I knew not to give fear a place in my heart, but also gives me relief because I know that I'm not alone. So many things can go wrong it's true and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING we can do about it. So why not focus on God and live the life he has blessed us with. Life will pass us by if we spend all our time worrying about what might happen. I love when Heather says this, the first time I heard it, I stopped in my tracks: Rest. God and I have been working on building my trust in Him, recently. Getting better everyday. Thanks for the encouragement, Heather!

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  24. Heather,
    I enjoy reading your blog and find you have some powerful and empowering words. But sometimes I find it hard to relate to you. You already have a loving husband, a new family, a great relationship with God, and a successful career. It's easy for you to tell us single black females to wait and that the right man will find us because that is what happened to you. But for some of us that will never happen. You have what we want in life. But we may never find it. How can you tell us these things when you have no idea what it feels like to be in the position where you won't have the husband and family that you want so much?

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  25. Wow, You literally must be one of God's angels on earth Heather! This is just about me. Man, I can't begin to tell you how much fear I have about my loved ones dying without accepting Christ and knowing where they would possibly spend eternity. That worries me more than anything. I also worry about my own salvation at times. I worry if I were to die any day would I be in heaven. I struggle with anger and I know this is not of the Lord and the enemy tries to make me think I am committing the unpardonable sin everyday which causes lots of unrest and lack of sleep due to this fear. Pray for me Heather! I mentally worn out!

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  26. Thanks for sharing,I couldn't hold back my tears while reading this.God has spoken... total surrender.

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  27. Heather,
    I really enjoy reading your blog and think you have powerful and empowering things to say. But sometimes I feel like you can't truly relate to the life of single black women. I feel like its easy for you to tell us to wait and that the right guy will find us and to have no fear. It's easy for you to say that because you have everything that us single black women want. A loving husband, a new family, a good relationship with God, and a successful career. You aren't going through the struggle of being a single black female and you never will have to. It's hard for me to relate to you and believe you because you aren't in that struggle. You may have been at one point in your life but you aren't anymore and you're still very young. But there are women out there who will never find someone to marry and will never have a family. I find it hard to relate to you because you will never know how that feels since you already have everything we want

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  28. I thank God for speaking to me through this blog and for using you as His vessel. I must confront fear head-on and declare my victory and confidence in God alone. I pray that the Holy Spirit guides and moulds us all to have the reverent fear of God...

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  29. Thank you for this Message it has encouraged me as I approach my state board exams in less than 14 days I have started feeling anxious & constantly on my face every morning begging/pleading for peace and to trust in G-Ds Plan for my life. This Blog says to me its okay to take baby steps. Thank YOU Love & Light!!

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  30. Fear and worry are my biggest hang ups, even when my heart is at perfect peace my mind constantly entertains the what if's. Life's harsh circumstances taught me to TRUST NO ONE and although I know and believe in God enough to follow His will and His voice all day everyday, I do so while still wondering "what if this doesn't work." Lately I have really been beating myself up for not TRUSTING the promised end will ever come about. Thank you for your openness here letting me know that I am not alone in this struggle, and that fear happens even while following and serving God whole heartedly #walking by faith with very little trust......pray for me

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  31. wow i almost had tears in my eyes. i accidentally bump into your blog this afternoon and its amazing how this message speaks into my life. I am single and looking for a husband and i had all those funny fears you mentioned and today of all days i get to read this amazing piece from you blog? God definitely brought me here .

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  32. Fear used to be my first, middle and last name. I am glad God has delivered me from the bondage of fear and I can now walk in freedom in those areas where I was so afraid of this or that.

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  33. I became aware of you at a friend's recent baby shower in Dec and have been following you ever since. i so love the way you pour your heart out and am thankful to God for what he's doing in your life! keep your heart turned to the sky! God Is changing lives through you heather!

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  34. As if you don't already know, you are being USED TO WRECK AND BLESS. Fear has been my life's struggle, and I soooo appreciated your words of encouragement on this subject. I pray that God continues to bless and use you and your ministry.

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