Friday, May 11, 2012

A Friend Reminder: Got Friends?!

                                     (me & my best friend, Delan of 13 years!)

So, it's heavy on me to clear up this whole friend thing. I did a blog on best friends, but I want to just get really raw & uncut in this area. I think we've been bamboozled.

WHO told you that LIFE was all about you?! We go through friends like we're drinking water-- while running from the first one who offends us. YES, I believe that everyone cannot rock with you. YES I believe that GOD sets you apart but I ALSO believe that YOU throw away friendships that ARE good because of your skewed vision. If I cut off every person that hurt me, I would NOT have a single friend! My two best friends of 13 years each & I have gone through SOME stuff together. We've argued, had quiet seasons, didn't talk, talked, yelled, screamed, fought, you NAME it. But we've stuck it out over the years and the relationship got better. A friendship is like a marriage. YOU WORK THROUGH IT. They are both covenant relationships. I cannot expect my friends to be "PERFECT" & neither can you.

The KEY to a healthy friendship is "acceptance." It may be hard for you to accept your friends in their current state but you ain't God & you cannot be GOD over their life. YOU cannot change them. IF they wanna sleep around & act a fool, you get on your face for them & pray for them! As I said above, there's some amazing relationships that GOD placed you in and at the FIRST sign of trouble-- you RUN. Then you call it a closed door by God.. but GOD didn't really close that door, YOU & your emotions did. Are you serious?! There's times where my friends were disobeying God and I knew it! I didn't throw them away because you know what-- I aint perfect either. I have ISSUES & things I NEED to work on. What if God threw us away everytime we "missed it"-- we wouldn't have made it past 2 years old.
The next time you are tempted to be "mad" at someone-- slow down, check your emotions & SEE where you're involved in the equation. Our past hurts, pains & struggles PLAY a part in how we respond to people. Sometimes, we're overly sensitive, touchy, easily angered & guarded because of everyone else before them. So, instead of throwing the next person away that "irritates" you-- check yourself first. No friendship is perfect & every relationship has growing pains. Remember that it cannot possibly be "everyone" else and if it is them.. give them some of the grace that God gives you daily. ♥

So today, I challenge you. Do you say "all girls the same?!" Do you NOT want to hang out with anyone or open up to anyone because you think everyone is going to hurt you? It cannot possibly be all of those people you meet. You HAVE a part to play somewhere in there and it's time to take responsibility of pushing everyone away. Then, go to Christ & let HIM heal your HEART. Stop holding on to every baggage from your past. Vent, cry, get it all out & then BE a good friend to those around you. GRACE people. LOVE them with the love that Christ has given you. Treat people how you want to be treated. STOP gossiping about your friends as if you don't have a backyard. You are hurt when others talk about you-- so why would you talk about others?

Let's DO our part.

GOD loves you like crazy,

Heather

24 comments:

  1. This is something hard to do, I had a best friend and things fell apart one day when she was involved in a dispute against her ex. I was there for her, missed school for her, and called the cops for her! But she said I didn't do enough, I figured how couldn't I have when I was there the whole time. One thing I didn't do was step into the violence because I didn't want to be hirt either. I went to the hospital with her and all. Bit she though I didn't do enough, she thought I wasn't being true to her but. I have already forgiven her and moved on but do I need to say sone thing to her?? Is that friendship really worth keeping even though we have both been there for each other through thick and thin and our parents know each other!!??? Do I still try to be here friend?? I feel like I have lost soapy friends over the years due to lack of consistency in the friendship, we haut grow older and things change. Does that mean I'm wrong on my part or it was just ooh season to end!! I just want to know because friendships are really dear to me but I don't want to be sticking my neck put there to hurt in the end! What shall I do??

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    1. Heather! I am in love w/this post! It's is so true and honestly, it hit right at home w/me. I have a habit of putting people out of my life that have offended or hurt me. My thought - time is too short to allow someone who would hurt me to be apart of my world. Is that a Christ-like mentality? No! I know so...I'm working on. Grace and compassion it what God has extended to me over and over again - and I should extend the same towards my sisters!
      Thanks for allowing God to use you - continue being His vessel. We appreciate it when you pour His word onto your blog!

      Liz

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  2. :) you always know what to say and how to say it Heather, at the right time!!!

    Thank you for this post
    xox www.cindy-saul.blogspot.com

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  3. I am currently going through it with a friend of mine; It's gotten to a point where I'm done trying to make things work. I already crossed my friend out, but by reading this blog I realize that I need to be patient and prayerful. I'm going to fall on face and pray for this friendship like I would for my relationship. Thanks for this Heather!

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  4. Thanks for this post. I recently let go of two friends who met through me, became friends, and basically pushed me outside of their friendship. However, the Lord was telling me to let go of them prior to this. Too much gossiping and back-biting was going on and I was a full participant. As I have grown closer to Him, I have seen, clearly, when and where to step back. I thank Him for this clarity. It did hurt initially, but He has filled that void! Mind you, I am 50 years old! It's never too late to grow up.

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    1. Wow. Im actually went through this same actual problems with three friends that met thru me, also became friends and pushed me oout. before that, I recently rededicated my life to God, && I was praying that God should have mercy on me and separate my ways from the friends that wont further bring me close to Him. I wont lie I.knew they all gossip about ppl but im always the one that shuts it down, but as soon as they all became friends, it got worst to the extent that when im not with them, ppl say "wow you are not with your three skinny friends that always be talking about ppl." After that I prayed and realized these are ppl I dont wanna associate with. Mind u I just turned 20 recently & it never too late or early to grown up

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  5. This is truly a great post! I've been talking to my husband about this a lot lately. I think my biggest downfall is expecting others to be more like me and that's just impossible. Just because I see things a certain way, doesn't mean everyone's at the same level. Thanks for this clarity. I really needed it at this exact moment.

    Vonae Deyshawn
    www.myvirtueplace.com

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  6. This is amazing woman of God and I'm glad you posted this. Just yesterday I was riding down the street and I thought to myself that I wanted to see my mentor (I haven't seen her in 2 months). I always felt like she was tearing me down when it came to certain spiritual conversations. Don't get me wrong, I can accept truth, but I cannot accept someone speaking harshly to me and over stepping boundaries. I tried expressing this to her because throughout our friendship/mentorship I have endured being compared to people who have hurt her in the past. I stuck through it because honestly I know that I'm messed up and that's the very reason I need Christ. Through this hiatus, I've learned that I had her in a position in my life where Christ needed to be. I hung onto every word and I even picked up some of her traits and point of views. We hung out almost every day and I spent countless nights talking to her and her daughter. I would seek advice and talk about my woes with them. Everything I thought, I shared and Heather....I had to repent. I realized how I'd been placing these two humans in a place where God and God only belonged! So I've been talking to God, venting to God about my pain, my short comings and why it seems so many people misunderstand me. God spoke to me and because she was my mentor I was excited to share what I'd heard. "You go expecting to hear from me through people, but I will speak directly to you." God began to show me some things I needed to focus on and lives were involved. The holy spirit let me know not to share this information with her and out of disobedience and unbelief in what I heard, I told her. God knows best because every since satan has been causing confusion and she recently let me go because she believed in her heart that I had unforgiveness towards her. I look at this as God's way of releasing me from this friendship so that I could see things clearly and from His point of view. Let me tell you how good GOD is because just when I started to feel bitterness and anguish, I ended up doing the same thing that was done to me to another friend. Not saying that was His fault, but because I was blind to it during the time, I didn't see how much of her had rubbed off on me. I took full responsibility and honestly that other friendship ended badly. Instead of calling my other friend and telling her I just needed to spend time with God and I couldn't be a good friend because of things I was dealing with, I let my emotions and my hurt speak. Because of this happening, I have learned to have compassion on every person that has hurt me. I realized I am not the victim because so many people cry 'HURT', but they never stop to think about those they have hurt along the way. Nobody on the face of this Earth is guilt free from hurting someone unless they have a special condition or they have been a hermit crab their entire life. Although I'm not interested in friendships right now, I do long for the friend who loves God more than anything. I realize I have work to do and that involves God changing me so the next person I meet will be introduced to my personality (which is wonderful) and not my past. Thank you for this wonderful blog, my heart has been pricked, but I love hearing from God. I wish I hard read these blogs earlier because I had no one else to show me the way. However, life is teaching me and God is teaching me and there is no better teacher!

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  7. Love this post Heather! Thank you so much =). I do have a question for you though. As Christian women, what are some signs that we should let a friend go? I'm struggling with this question right now, because I do try to grace others, but at some point, I realize that I have to consider my own well-being as well.

    -JAR

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  8. Awesome words... very true. Thank you Heather.

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  9. Love this <3 such a great perspective. We can get so caught up in ourselves as if we can't be a mess at times. The description of Love in 1 cor 13 is often thought to be applied to marriage relationships but like you said, friend is a covenant word and the same type of love should also be applied to friendships. We forget about the qualities like long suffering, patience, endurance, keeps no record of wrongs. Offense can indeed rob us of wonderful relationships if we are emotion driven rather than spirit driven. Thx for this Heather!

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  10. Girlfriend, you better stop. I couldn't agree with you more. I like the way your put this out there. Makes me want to check myself whether I want to or not. LOL..... I am a new reader of your blogs and I was just telling my 16 year old daughter about having "close" friends of the opposite sex, then the next day I came across your blog on that subject. I made her read it. You remind me so much of myself when it comes to being transparent. This blog is definitely at the top of my favorites. Keep on "Keepin It Real" (my blog name).

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  11. I needed this!! I have a friend who is older than I am but who was the first earthly friend I had when I fully accepted Christ and my ministry leader . She encouraged me and I was like her right hand girl. I
    helped with everything. Now that she found love in the church, I felt like she abandoned me. She hardly spoke to me and I felt used.

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  12. Heather,

    How can we know when its time to let a friendship go? I had a friend who wanted to "act a fool" and it came to the point where it wasn't edifying me at all... is this something I should hold on to? I miss her and I do pray for her, but the relationship was not pushing me towards Christ (I did try to push he closer to Christ--she's Catholic) can the relationship still be called a friendship?

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  13. Well Said!!!! This post speaks life!

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  14. to be honest with you. i hear you and would recommend the same but ive searched myself.. people keep hurting me so much when i always do my best to be good to them and everytime i overlook their faults toward me. so many times ive asked myself and some friends i used to have whats wrong with me, what am i doing that people treat me the way they do or also give back in the friendship.. i dont have friends and if i enter into an argument with someone, the rest gang up against me without first hearing my side of the story.. to be honest ive searched and found only God's love to be true and only Him who cares about the way i feel, for He would always even prepare a table for me in their presence.. im wiiling to change if im wrong and dont do something right, i just really dont understand why no1 would love me or care about the way i feel.. can i rely only on God to love me??

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  15. Wow, thank you so much for this post! This subject has been on my mind a lot lately. I am definitely guilty of throwing away friendships, and it has come back to haunt me. I have made many unwise decisions, thinking I'm "too good" for my friends, and I was just hurting myself all along. Like you said, I believe that the best friends are the ones who you have growing pains with, the ones who you may argue and disagree with at times. Anyway, acceptance is something that God has really been working with me on, and I thank Him for that.

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  16. I needed to read this...thank you so much and God bless you

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  17. I totally agaree with this post if....the friendship at its foundation is good. If you really trully have a toxic relationship then I personally feel its best to cut your losses. I recently had a friend I have been friends with since high school and I saw her ways (they wer not pleasing) But I became her friend anyways because I thought my love, kindness and friendship could help bring her closer to god and be a better person. Needless to say over the years she has taken me for a trip! There have been some good time but most have been hurtful and stressful and it all came to a head late this spring when we stopped being friends and she was upset. She held in alot of anger and physically attacked me and fought me. This was it for me. So as of now I am friendly towards her and I still love her but I feel we can't be friends. I just will continue to pray her her and her salvation

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  18. Excellent post. Thank you for sharing. I'm now rethinking the doors of "friendship" that I have closed recently. I repent to the Lord for walking away from them, if they were relationships that I was supposed to continue to fight for regardless of the hurt I endured while in them. I'm going to be seriously seeking the Lord about how to proceed with some delicate situations. One of my
    "friends" really hurt me, but she has reached out and wants to save our friendship. Help me Lord! My flesh wants to cut things off completely, but I know she needs me. I will do whatever God wants me to do regardless of my feelings. :) God bless you!

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  19. Interesting read....I have a "friendship" for more than 15 years that is on thin ice right now....still startled about how it's going down...but I'll continue to pray, trust God and do my part!

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  20. This is mind blowing, thanks I realy needed to hear that. Its amaizing how one can just be so quick to end a friendship due to an offence without even looking @ the part they played. Wow.

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  21. Thank you soo much for writing this! This blog saved my friendship with my Bestfriend! Especially when I had another friend wrong me, and it showed me that I have a true friend in my Bestfriend and that's hard to come by!!! This blog showed me that I was being petty and letting my emotions get the best of me.....which isn't of God. Thank you soo much!

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