Monday, January 16, 2012

"The List"--My top things I wanted in a Husband"

(Me in 2006!)

So, I must share my top things that I wanted in a husband. I wrote this in about 2006 and I'm amazed after looking back at it because my husband came ready-made at about 90% of this list!

Before you read my list..There is NOTHING wrong with your 50 "standards"--but you better make sure that you're all those things on your little list. Don’t put a ton of pressure on a guy to be something that you aren’t . Granted, the man is supposed to be a leader, and that’s a given but my husband wasn’t EVERYTHING on my list. He grew and developed into an amazing man and now.. my dream guy. He’s still working on some stuff and I’m thankful for grace. The same grace he gives me as I need to work on things as well! Development MEANS some fights, tears, arguments, and alot of "meeting in the middle"--so don't think that the process is easy. If it was EASY, the divorce rate would be at 0%.  So if your guy or girl has the basics—stop being them down every two minutes because they haven’t changed 100%. You aren’t perfect either—as much as we’d like to think we were.  Even WITH your list, our focus should always be on Christ--not a checkbox. As long as my future husband had some of the important things & NO dealbreakers, to me--he was worth starting a relationship with. So listen to the Holy Spirit as He LEADS & guides you. Someone may have EVERYTHING you want on your list but you have zero peace about them. So--they're disqualified. God knows your end from your beginning. Trust Him.

My List… J of wants in a Husband-2006

  1. He must love the Lord thy God with all of his heart mind soul and strength and love his neighbor as himself.
  2. He MUST be a gentlemen open doors, hold my hand as I walk up and down stairs, help me put my coat on, pull out my chair, All that and then some…)
  3. He must be a hearer and a doer of the Word of God, PERIOD. No fakin’ and makin’.
  4. Must be intelligent
  5. He must have a servant’s heart
  6. He must understand the needs of me as a woman and the purpose for our relationship
  7. He must have a JOB
  8. Financially secure- How am I gone eat?!? Investments? Goals?! Plans?! Actions.. I need to see some FRUIT before the RING!
  9. I desire not to be kissed until my wedding day. (crazy, but so true) **I love how this happen. We kissed on our wedding day 8/14/2010!** Go Jesus!
  10. Must be a giver to God’s Kingdom.
  11. Must be attractive and keep himself together, clothes, haircut, work out, a very neat person in appearance
  12. Cannot have a temper
  13. Must love to read
  14. Someone who is secure
  15. Must pray in tongues, and have prayer/bible study/ devotion every morning
  16. Must keep me before the Lord, He’s the Christ in the Spirit and I’m the church, must walk side by side.
  17.  Must NOT try to have sex w/ me prior to marriage- I must be precious to HIM
  18.  I must be able to be myself, weakness and all
  19. Must listen to me!
  20. Must have a pure heart
  21. NO foul language
  22. Be positive in his thinking!
  23. NEAT!!!
  24. Must be an encourager
  25. Cooking is always a bonus J
  26. Affection!!!! Touching is my love language!
  27. Must SPOIL me and put me first (after Jesus)
I always say this...before you get into a relationship--make sure that your foundation is Christ. If you keep jumping from relationship to relationship it's like spraying perfume but refusing to take a shower. All of that hurt from past relationships is going to seep into the next one. GOD wants your HEART. So while you're making this list.. make one to Christ.. of everything you want to be for HIM.

I just taught on Overcoming Hurt on 1/17/2012 you can catch it ----> here

God loves you like crazy,


Heather Lindsey

43 comments:

  1. Thanx for posting this Heather! What a blessing!

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  2. All I can say is Wow! Good to know that their are women who think like me!

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  3. Nice! I did a list similar to yours and I got most of what was on my list as well! I actually found it the other day and shared it with Sly, he was amazed by the details!

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  4. So love this! This is helpful. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. loved this! our list are very similar! you give me hope! :-) thanks for sharing!

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  6. This was simply awesome! I always thought about making a list of things I desired in a husband but never about making one of the things i want to be to God i'm excited to make my list and REALLY concentrate on not letting any deal breakers slide with these "randoms" out here.

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  7. Just out of curiosity, why did you want a man to pray in tongues?

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  8. This has truly encouraged me to write a list again! For so long I have heard people say you shouldn't write a list because it is what you want, and probably not what God wants. However, after reading this, I am encouraged to write my list again!!! The statement, "there is NOTHING wrong with your 50 "standards"--but you better make sure that you're all those things on your little list. Don’t put a ton of pressure on a guy to be something that you aren’t ." really was the encouragement for me!!! Thanks for your transparency!

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  9. Hi Anonymous- I wanted a guy that could pray in the Holy Spirit because I understand how important it is! As a leader over our home--I know he wouldn't possibly know every answer and when you pray in tongues..you're praying for unknown mysteries & hidden things. To me, it shows that he fully understood his relationship with Christ. Also, I pray in tongues often--I didn't want a guy that didn't believe in it.

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  10. Regina- Awesome!!! Praise God!! :) Super excited for you!
    Charlene-haha@Randoms! No randoms need apply! lol :)

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  11. Was age an issue when you first met your husband?

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  12. I'm going to make my list right now. I pray that God sends me the husband who satisfies most of my list as well...and I pray that I'm most of his! I also pray that for whatever we're "missing", we can grow together to achieve. A man with a willing heart is mainly what I want...I understand that every two people won't be at the same exact place on their spiritual journey, but I want a man who is willing, loves God and desires to draw closer to Him.

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  13. Age wasn't an issue when my husband and I first started dating.. I was 26 and he was 22. However.. he acted as though he was 50! He's got an old soul! lol

    I agree with you Charity! :)

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    1. I've listened to some of your messages on your website. I recall you mentioning that you and your husband went to the same church, but walked past each other for three years. You guys must have went to a huge church.lol... how did you guys actually meet?

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    2. Hey! Yes--we went to a HUGE church and we spoke to each other & knew OF each other for about 3 years. Yeah-the church had about 7K members. We just never considered each other as a future spouse. Just didn't ring in our minds. We were also facebook friends & I asked him a question about a church fast b/c me & my girlfriend were at the grocery store--trying to figure out what we could eat & not eat for the fast & the menu kept changing. So, her & I were online trying to figure it out and I happen to see that my now hubby was online--(he was our pastor's assistant) so I just KNEW he would know. So I asked.. I said, Hi--this is Heather from church.. can we have this or that. He answered, and I closed out of the chat. Then it popped back up and he started chating with me and we continued to talk for about 4 hours. Then--we went on our first date 4 days later & the rest is history! BOTH of us were always so focused at church serving God, we didn't look up and see each other. It's funny how God worked it out. I'm sooo grateful!

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  14. Hey Heather,

    What are your views on kissing before dating. I've heard several different things, and i'm sure people thought you were a bit different when they found that out about you, what was your response to their questions if any??

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    1. My views.. well--Understand that kissing includes foreplay & usually you're going to want MORE. There's no LAW against kissing. You won't find one. And it's not about laws anyway..but about grace. I asked God specifically for a guy that wouldn't kiss me until our wedding day. And .. then on our first date, my now hubby said I won't kiss you until our wedding day. He had NO clue that's what I wanted! God told us specifically NOT to kiss. I'm sure it had alot to do with our one-day ministry. Does God condemn those that do kiss? Doubt it. Can they still have a great marriage? Of course! It's just what God told us specifically to do! And I understand & I think it's a GREAT thing to develop emotionally & not lean on the physical.

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  15. thx for sharing, love it! :)

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  16. I love this!!!!! Thanks so much for sharing!!!! Also, I appreciate your "realness" regarding making sure we, as women, are bringing the same characteristics/standards to the table that we are asking our men to encompass. So true!!! I have had a "husband list" since 2006, but keep adding to it as I grow as an individual and grow in my relationship with Christ. Still believing that God will one day send me someone whom he made JUST for me!!!!! :)

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    1. Aww! That's beautiful! Excited about what God is doing in your heart!!

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  17. I'm so glad you put must not have a temper. I really can't deal with that either and I never even thought that I could say I don't want that in a guy. Thanks for sharing your list & heart. Keep blogging!!!

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  18. Beautiful list! We have a lot in common! Your love story is so inspiring. I pray to find my Boaz one day. Until then, I am getting Christ filled and falling in love with Him.

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  19. I love you Heather, You are a sister women need to know. Your heart I can hear so clear and I do glorify God for every tear, hurt and victory you have had for they have helped in making you who you are today...God you are good!

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  20. I like this Heather ;)

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  21. This is a wonderful list. I have a lot in common with you on this. But I had a question, I feel like I know a man who meets mine. He's very dedicated to God, his relationship with God is more advanced than mine, but he's teaching me and I love it, because I can get closer to both of them at the same time. The only issue is that I feel like he may be getting in the way of me fully giving myself to God. I think about him more than I do about God. Should I maybe stop seeing this man, and try to reconnect God, or should I stay and maybe he can help me?

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    1. Hey love,
      We should always make sure that Christ is our focus. There's times when my husband and I were courting and I took a week from my cell phone, media & communication to spend time with God & refocus. Your guy cannot be your source for everything.. Christ is. So stop depending on him so much. You have to on-purpose start seeking God aggressively to grow you & God will use your guy to show you yourself.. and you'll grow even more. I do think it's important that you communicate to the guy and tell him that you find yourself depending on him over God. I'm confident tht he doesn't want to be stumbling block for you. So--ask God to make sure that your heart is always in HIM and not anyone or anything else. It's great that you realized that no man can fulfill you--but only Christ alone. Excited about your growth. xo

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    2. Thank you! God Bless you and your ministry!

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  22. hey heather. the only thing about this list i feel really uneasy about is "MUST pray in tongues"
    Is it fair to place praying in tongues on this pedestal? some people don't receive that gift of the holy spirit and i think God can still work in awesome ways in those people too. How does this resonate with you today?

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    1. Hi Renabeena. Everyone has the gift of speaking in tongues but not everyone has the GIFT of interpreting the tounges. Read(1 Corinthians 12:30). That scripture has been twisted & turned but there IS great value in praying in the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:26 teaches us, “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Two key points make it highly unlikely that Romans 8:26 is referring to tongues as a prayer language. First, Romans 8:26 states that it is the Spirit who “groans,” not believers. Second, Romans 8:26 states that the “groans” of the Spirit “cannot be expressed.” The very essence of speaking in tongues is uttering words.

      There are many times in my life when I don't know what to pray..so I pray in tounges. It STRENGTHENS me. :) It's also a dealbreaker if my husband didn't speak in tongues.

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    2. This list is perfect. I've found so many things that are important to me by reading it, but in comparison to my old list, I could tell how it was focused on other things and not as much on the spiritual form. I never elaborated on them having a relationship with God. Now that my relationship is growing with Him, I see where I née to adjust my standards/list. As far as speaking in tongues, how does one do that? I've always wanted to experience it, but I haven't. There was a time where I was praying and I felt as if I was going to speak in tongues, but I didn't know if I truly was or if I was trying to make myself do it. My friends and I had a discussion on how to pray in tongues and being baptized in the Holy Spirit.

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  23. This is such an amazing list! Im taking it! Thanks so much!

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  24. Hi, thank you for your blog. Could I ask for you to agree with me in prayer for my soulmate. I made my first list about 17 years ago. It has been revised a few or added to, I should say. I have become quite disheartened at the wait. I don't want to feel hopeless that my soulmate will come. I have been saved and baptized in the Holy Spirit since I was 5. I have always had tremendous faith and I'm even embarrassed to feel this way but I do.

    T

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  25. Just finished making my list. Thanks for the inspiration
    stay blessed :)

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  26. Do you believe that you absolutely HAVE to speak in tongues to be saved? I've been studying this for a while, but I still don't totally understand.

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    1. No, there will be a ton of people in heaven that didn't speak in tongues. However, for me & my house-- it's important to ME. There's so much VALUE in praying in the tongues. It's beautiful. I recommend it 100%.

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  27. I know Im mad late on this post but I just had to share that my "friends" always told me that haveing a list puts limits on what God can do and that it was wromg but after reading your list and revamping my own through the Spirit (my orignal list was constructed from a very "hot-mess"ish place. My Spirit man has grown in leaps and bounds since then) I realize that its not a bad thing. Thank you for sharing,inspiring, instructing, and shedding light on these issues. Much Thanks!!!!!!

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  28. Hi Heather!

    Thank you so much for being who you are, following God and sharing your testimony with the world! It has helped me a lot on my journey. I am currently in a relationship and am wondering how you feel about dates and who should pay and/or how that type of situation should be worked out. Thank you!

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  29. Hi Heather!
    I really hope that you reply! How does one speak in tongues? I totally believe in the importance of speaking in tongues, I've asked God to help me but it just won't happen! I pray it comes to me!
    Please please reply would love to hear your advice!
    Love you sis!

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