Sunday, January 8, 2012

Can Guys & Girls Be .. Just Friends?

 Sooooo many people ask me this questions. Can guys & girls be friends? I'll give you the straight up answer and then I'll back myself up.

No.

You heard it right. ME personally.. I don't believe that guys & girls can really be friends. Understand that I'm coming from a wife's perspective. But when I was a single woman, I didn't really have a bunch of guys as my friends. They were more-so acquaintances. They were guys from my church and we would all go out in a large group with girls & guys and we would hang out then. There wasn't a ton of 1:1 friendships going on. Now, as a wife- I'm cool with my friend's husbands and when we're all amongst each other--we will converse, but I'm not calling or emailing them on the side.

Let's be clear:
The Bible does not forbid close friendships between men and women. As Christians, however, there are some principles that we would be wise to heed. Married people especially need to be wary of friendships with members of the opposite sex because temptations are more likely to arise when there are marital problems. If a man's best friend is a woman who is not his wife, he is likely to share these problems with her, which can lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment.

Most married men (or women) who have affairs purposely go out to find a romantic interest outside of their marriage. So many people say, "I didn't mean for it to happen; it just happened." These things "just happen" when we put ourselves in situations that are difficult to control. When a man has a wife who is not necessarily very attentive to his needs, he could easily feel that he has fallen in love with another woman who does give him this attention he craves. And LADIES, don't even think "this won't happen to you"--As a wife, you're GOING to get tested and that "guy friend that is always there for you"--is going to fill a void in your heart if your husband who you see all the time is driving you nuts. In a vulnerable state--you WILL cross boundaries. So there is NO option for me. It's Jesus & my husband. WHY create extra wars in your mind & think that you have a back up plan when your mad at your spouse? (This goes for those of you in relationships too)

Even a marriage that is built on a foundation of faith in Christ and has relatively few problems is not immune to extra-marital temptations. This is why the Bible does not tell us to stick around and try to fight temptation, but to flee from it like we do from all "youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22). Trying to fight temptation seems to become especially difficult when it comes to matters of the heart or the lusts of the flesh. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us that we need to run away from sexual sin, because it is much easier to run away from temptation than to stay and fight it.

Married men and women should carefully avoid putting themselves in compromising situations when it comes to the opposite sex. If they are seen together in public, it will give the wrong impression. If they are alone on the phone or in person, they will subject themselves to the temptation of an emotional or physical affair. The Bible tells us that everything we do should be for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31), so the wise thing would be to stick to visiting as couples or "double dating" with other married couples, as opposed to risking the complications associated with close friendships with the opposite sex

So if you're single and thinking--this doesn't apply to me. I'm not married. This is how it applies to
you.


Guys & Girls
1. Their mindset is different- They communicate differently. A guy may be just being nice to a woman for YEARS and she may secretly like him and hope that one day he does ask her out. So if you're being nice.. she may catch feelings. Either way, she's emotionally connected to you.

2. It is natural for a man to be attracted to a woman and vice versa. Although you're friends.. you'll find things about each other that are attractive to one another. There's not enough boundaries to put in place to stop that next level from happening. So, YOU may not like him but how do you know if you're on the same page? He may secretly like you & won't tell you because he knows that your friendship could be ruined. If you go around and ask most men if they would "get with their female friends"--they would say YES, if she let me.
Check out this funny youtube clip that I found----> called "Why Women & Men Can't Be Friends"

3. A friend is supposed to keep you accountable and a friend is caused to keep you sharp a man needs to be sharpened by a man and a woman needs to be sharpened by a woman because they are of like mind. There's NO way that a man can tell me or help me understand why my hormones rage 1x a month and how I can deal with it. Just sayin'. :)

4. What happens when you do get into a relationship? There may be conflict between your "best male or female friend" and your now girlfriend or boyfriend. For example, if you're dating a guy and his female best friend hates you--it puts everyone in an awkward situation. But men, if the woman you're dating is someone you want to marry one day--your "best friend" is going to have to understand that she is going to have to be friends with your girlfriend in order for her to continue her friendship with your YOU. If the person refuses to be friends with your girl--then they have disqualified themselves from your life.

5. What about those secret affections for you? He's just friends.. she's my "homegirl."--and deep down.. she's thinking.. I want to be with you so the friendship is hurting her. So you become his back-up friend. You hang out with him a TON while he's single but as soon as he gets into a relationship--he stops spending time with you and starts spending time with his new girl. Then, you feel stupid because you really care.

So yes, maybe when you're 8, you can be friends with your neighbor of the opposite sex. However, we ALL know how those hormones get kicking in after that age & they become prospects.

Some of you may disagree but MOST of you have an end goal to be married one day. If you really want to be married one day--spare yourself all of that drama. If you ask ANY husband or wife--they will tell you that they aren't comfortable with their husband or wife having a best friend of the opposite sex. I don't are how you flip it.. there's still that nagging uncomfortable feeling. It's not jealousy, it's a holy righteous jealousy that is rightfully so. A marriage is powerful covenant & it's to be protected.

Go out in groups with guys  and girls & be kind to them. My husband & I went out in groups while we dated. You can best see a person's true colors in groups because they aren't putting on a private show to impress you. OUT of those groups--yes--1:1 dating can happen FROM a friendship. But you must court with a purpose.If you need advice from a male perspective, get on the phone with a husband/wife couple that are Christians and that are committed to helping you. Men, find another guy that can pour into you & help you out. If you don't have any.. ever thought about asking God? He's your PROVIDER. He has your back!

Also, my husband is my best friend. NOW. We courted with the intention to MARRY. We knew that we were going to head down that road so we were "friends" with a purpose. Any guy friend I used to be friends with .. is now friends with my husband. It just is.. what it is.

God loves you like crazy!!!

Love,
Heather

61 comments:

  1. I love this post and have never had a guy friend and after reading this I surly won't be getting one.

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  2. I do have a male best friend that my husband does not know or ever heard of. We met and dated years ago b4 I met my husband. We'er both married and have kids but both marriages arn'nt working.we very much want to be together, its not as if we are pushing things to make it happen but we both know its almost inevitable.in the space of a year his wife always almost finds a reason to move out of their home, last year she left 5 times. I always encourage him to go bring her back cos she just dumps 4kids on him and goes off to God knows where! At those times he turns to me and I try to be a friend as much as I can, you see his kids are so young. What sort of a woman will leave her kids and just go, even I cannot do that and you may not believe this her youngest is just 2. If my husband did not treat me so so badly I would never have entertained such in the firs place.so you see, btw both us we are 4 unhappy persons our spouses inclusive...so tell me why we should not think of getting back together if our presnt relationships are on the brink of God knows what!

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    1. I think you should trust God to heal and restore both broken marriages.Especially since there are children involved. God wants us to go through our storms and learn from them,not run away from them or take the easy way out.Divorce is never the answer.

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    2. I understand where you're coming from but if no one is happy cut your losses before you get into another relationship

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    3. You said, "til death do us part". That's why you should try to make it work. You're married. That's another reason you should try to make it work. If neither of the marriages work out, then eventually consider other single options, but trying to come into some kind of pact of a divorce agreement between two couples, that's not cool. His wife may be in the wrong, and your husband too, but you and your friend are also in the wrong and adding to the problem by comparing your spouses to other people and using it against them. If you continue to see your friend as an option, your marriages will NOT work. You owe it to your spouse to at least try to make it work; that's the commitment you made to one another. You are currently operating under group think and the decision one of you makes towards your marriage shouldn't affect the other. Be fair to your spouses.

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    4. I also think you should trust God to heal...Marriage is work - and this may be an opportunity for you to allow God's hand to work w/each of you during this time. If for whatever reasons you don't respect this 'other' man's wife, hopefully u respect him and his children enough to give them space and opportunity to allow God to heal their relationship. When he turns to you to vent, you should diret him to Jesus...and refuse to continue the relationship between the two of you. Your "relationship" w/him is taking away from any possibility of him reuniting w/his wife. At least if they don't work out, you know it would have NOTHING to do with you. However, right now - even if they had prev issues before you two started speaking, you could now be a BIG reason why they're not working. You're a woman...you know we can sense when a man isn't all there in our relationship...in this case don't let this 'other guys' reason for not being "present" in his relationship w/ his Wife be because of you. When he comes to vent to you again, respectfully direct him to allow the Holy Spirit be his confidant..not you. It's not healthy and it's definitely not fair to his wife and children no matter what problems they might have. The decision the two of you make won't just effect you and your spouses (which is enough), but there are children involved..and the effects of our decisions, we have to remember will have a long lasting impact on them in many areas in their lives. Consider them.

      ...and again, you never know - some of her leaving the house in silence could be her acting out of feeling like he's not present there to love her and/or her kids. ...and honestly he's not 'present' with them if you are becoming his new "partner". You never know what God wants to do in his relationship w/ His Wife... or what God wants to do w/you and your Husband. Be a protector of 'covenant' ..both yours and his...just like you would want someone else to do for you. Step out of the way - and let God do what he wants to do. This will mean surrendering your emotions, your flesh and a lot more... ask God to help you see through His eyes from His viewpoint... You never know what He has planned! *a MASTER at restoring and resurrecting things! He has a track record that speaks of his transforming power and every testimony you hear from someone who has come to know Christ as Savior will prove that! Everyone was an "Ex" something before Christ "Transformed" their lives. If he can transform everyone that He has in the powerful ways that He has ...He CAN surely transform each of your marriages....but not if the two of you stand in His way. Yield to Jesus and what He commands...If we love Christ, we have to obey him. (John 14:15 If you love me, you will obey my commandments) Allow God to write that other man's love story and yours... and let the Holy Spirit be his confidant and encourager...not you. In short I would suggest as a sister in Christ that you #LeaveTheRelationship.

      Praying for you all.

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    5. It's called soul ties you haven't broke before you entered marriage.
      I've dealt with cases as these before.


      1. Pray bleed the blood of Jesus Christ our Lord to break any soul ties you have had before your marriage. Name the people by name!
      2. You pray too God about a spiritual fast. Second step that's important (Matt 17:2)

      Soul ties are very very strong. You want further information, work I studied by Dr. (minister) Gary Greenwald book called seductions exposed



      40+yrs Christian Marriage Counselor

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    6. Please read the whole message I have posted - it's not long :

      What does the Word say? Just break off the relationship with your "friend" ; if your husband is treating you badly, move out, but do not divorce him. You promised to be with him Til Death Do You Part. God does not like divorce which is why He wants to lead us to the right person rather than us trying to find him, or her. I know you may love your guy friend, but he is married, and so are you. Pray for him. He needs to be relying on God, and not you - right now he has put you in God's place; he tells you everything, but it is for God's ears only. It may be difficult because you're in so deep, but it's for the best. People who get involved in an extra-marital affair do not have it easy peezy. What you SOW in the flesh, you shall also REAP. Fear God - you don't want to reap the effects of an extra-marital affair (you are cheating on your husband emotionally).Have you ever thought that when you get with your friend, he will cheat on you with someone else when things aren't working out? I'm doing this all out of love - God wants the best for you, so don't go down that road; it only leads to (spiritual) death, unnecessary heartache,pain,and many other unpleasant things. If your husband is hitting you, you need to go to a safe environment (move out, move in with a relative), and PRAY for him, your marriage,your children, and your friend's family.You can e-mail me if you like. I pray for you ; I pray that you make the right choices - it's not too late to make the right choice no matter how hard it is! It may sound corny, but the truth is the truth. I don't want you to suffer unnecessarily therefore adding more suffering to what you're already going through. It's not worth it, and if you really love God you will turn away from sin, and turn to Him.Bless you sister!

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  3. Love this and totally agree with you! I am also married and thankfully my husband is on the same page with this topic too!

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  4. Wow! I'm a single man of God, and this was tremendously helpful! I pray God increases your family & your ministry because the world/kingdom needs more knowledge/wisdom such as this!

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  5. Okay, so I understand all of that! But what if you can be friends with a guy without ever having a physical relationship with. Someone that you hang out with at school, do homework together at the library, and hang out in public?! Can that not sustain a friendship?!! Or does it always have to be I'm only your friend because I want to sleep with you?

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    1. It never really works because as you spend more and more time together, a bond forms and an attachment too, I ve tried this many times and lost many friends...because it always ends up that one of us ends up liking the other....

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  6. Hi (the first) Anonymous- I hate to see that you're going through that but it further proves that having that "friendship" gives you a door to leave for both sides--regardless if you're being treated unfairly. I'm not in your shoes so I cannot imagine what you're going through but sometimes, we don't give God a chance to work on our marriage because we're already to plan B. God can raise a dead marriage and regardless of the circumstances-God hates divorce. Although sometimes it has to happen--I want to encourage you to try to work on your marraige. Pick up the book "The Love Dare" and do that for 40 days before you quit. I also encourage you to stop pouring out to your best friend and start pouring out to Christ or another Christian woman. Praying for you.

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  7. Hi JK-
    There's guys I would study with in school and I thought nothing of it. But they weren't my friend. A friend is a covenant word and we should watch how we use it. I had guys I would grab lunch with when I was single. They were acquaintances--not my friend. Everything I did--I did it with a purpose and most of those guys I would just "hang" with--liked me. In a few cases, I had to end "hanging" out because they started to catch feelings. Its easy to say that you're just "hanging out"--and nothing's going on in your mind--but it may be different in HIS mind. He may have a plan. The focus is.. group outings and guarding your heart for both sides to avoid getting hurt and the pitfalls of it. Again, if you scroll back up---this is my opinion. :) You're welcome to have your own & have a ton of friends of the opposite sex & think nothing of it!

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  8. True! I get where you are coming from now.You can control your actions, but you can't control his. Not everyone is your friend- that's real!! I don't even have a lot of female friends either, so I wouldn't have a lot of male friends. I would choose male over females because females bring a lot of drama. (just saying)- I only had one true male friend. And then we dated for 3 years now he is just an ex. The ex I've been telling you about on twitter. And now he wants to just remain friends and I can't allow myself to do that....

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  9. Yes! I should have put that in here as well! Your EX cannot be your "friend." Such a fail. lol

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  10. NO your ex can't. And it's hard when they try to be your friend and you are trying to avoid them. You can't have that same friendship you once had because so many emotions are entangled with that person. IT IS A FAIL!! Big fail! But your heart doesn't seem to think so.

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  11. I agree with this post. A guy tried to date me in college and I told him no. After that we became friends. We kind of liked each other but I would never say anything because of his job situation. Looking back, I can now see that i was somewhat emotionally dependent on him. On day We went out and I had 2 glasses of wine (low tolerance) and he told me that he liked me. I told him to prove it and he kissed me. Needless to say, that ruined everything! I think his whole intention was to make me like him and he kept trying for 5 or 6 years. The relationship didn't end until he tried to date my best friend and I was hurt! I never wanted to talk to him again.

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  12. This was right on time..I'm going to send this to my bff (female). She was just asking advice on this subject last night. Great post! Glory to God!

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  13. Well put together....:)

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  14. Heather,

    Between you and Cornelius, Wow! Verbalizing what we are all thinking. As a single man after God's own heart, I struggled with whether I could just be friends. Friends of the opposite sex does NOT work. One way or another, someone will get hurt at some point. I have been on both sides. Both of you make me realize I can do even better than I have. And validated what I am doing right. Be well, be blessed.

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  15. Aww! You're sweet! We appreciate you!! Keep up that way of thinking! :)

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  16. I used to hang out after church with my church group...There was only 1 married man in the group. Everyone else was single. I was friends with that married man... It was not a healthy friendship after while. I have male acquaintances, but none I will call a friend. I have grown up and I now know it can not work. Like you stated when that married person has problems at home, they look at the single person who gives attention what they feel they are lacking & the mindset goes left field. Thank God for convictions, strength, wisdom, vision.

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  17. Is it a sin to wear pants, shorts, dresses above knee lenght, halter tops etc? My guardians seem to believe so and condem me when i choose to wear them. It leaves me feeling bad about myself and that god is not pleased with me. They often shun others by their appearance but at the same time say they are holy ghost filled and have salvation..help i am very troubled and confused??!! can you please do a blog about dress

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  18. Hello, it's NOT a sin to wear pants, shorts, dresses or makeup!! When looking at “doubtful things," we need to use Scripture in context for the principles that will help us walk as believers, which means considering the WHOLE counsel of God and not taking passages out of context. There is a passage in the Old Testament that speaks about a woman wearing men's clothing: "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this" (Deuteronomy 22:5). The context of this passage is the second giving of the law to the nation of Israel as they were poised to enter the Promised Land. Deuteronomy 22:5 is an admonition not to live as a transvestite. This has to do with more than just clothing; it also speaks of a life that emulates in every way those of the opposite sex. Transvestitism was a practice of the Canaanites, and Israel was to consider it an abomination. We take a principle from this and apply it to our lives as believers, but we must use it in the context in which it is given and do so in relation to the dispensation of grace. Read about the difference between law & grace in Romans.
    We are not justified by our obedience to the law, but we are justified by faith in Christ (Romans 3:21-28). The believer in Christ Jesus is "dead" to the constraints of the law. "But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code" (Romans 7:6). Therefore, a believer does not live by legalism, nor by license, but rather by grace. So ROCK your makeup, dresses and pants! God is looking at your HEART. Make sure your HEART is right and pure before God! And yes, I'll blog about this! :)

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    1. Hi Heather,
      I'm not sure if I'm posting this comment in the right space, but I have a comment about getting to know someone in group settings. I am a very introverted person and the bigger the group gets, the less I seem to talk. This seems to be a problem if someone would want to get to know me or to court me, because I am not myself in group settings, many times I feel very anxious and not relaxed at all, even if its with people I know and I am close to. I am more comfortable just laughing inside the group at jokes, but never am I more dominant to where someone could see who I really am. Your thoughts?

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    2. Hey Tiff!
      Don't try to be something you aren't to get someone to like you. If you like smaller settings.. that's OK. God made you introverted for a reason. My husband is the same way. Your one-day spouse will measure up. Seek Christ with all of your might & your guy WILL measure up. So rest & know that if a guy is interested in you--he walk up to you & get to know you.

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    3. With the comment conerning the Canaanites...wow! Ive been reading that...the fallen angels and the Canaanite women, you gave me a little bible study. Thanks for also being transparent as well and a patient heart.
      Thank you Jesus!

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  19. Wow thank you sooo much! You have no idea how badly this has been bothering me. I genuinely take pleasure in doing my makeup and getting all dolled up instead of looking drab and wearing boring loong skirts! I really appreciate you for taking out the time and explaining.i love you and your blog, you are simply amazing!!!

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  20. Aww! Praise God love!! xoxo I'm a super girly girl too! SO glad that there's no "laws" against it! :)

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  21. I completely understand your article and can respect that in most cases it is unhealthy to have men as friends. I do, however, have a male bestfriend. We have been friends since we were 5 and we are now 32. Neither of us are attracted to each other so I think that helps. I love having his perspective when it comes to dating but it doesn't always help. I still seek counsel from other godly women. I've love your blog.

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  22. There were guys I would turn to for advice but I am no longer at the same church. The one guy I did consider my brother is now married and I'm single so I don't see the need to communicate with him (other than calling to wish happy birthday). My issue is that I don't have any males in my life..period. My father (who knows where he is), my uncle, please. I have no male influence in my life other than from the pulpit and I have been without it my whole life (I'm well into my 30s).

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    1. Hello--I have BEEN there! I didn't have any males in my life. My father passed away & he was pretty silent throughout my life. I never had guy friends for real because they always seemed to catch feelings. There is someone that I always turned too.. and that was CHRIST. HE will never leave you or forsake you & His advice is always the best. I never had a male friend and God still gave me insight on relationships. If you EVER want insight from a males perspective--email askcornelius@gmail.com. Both my hubby and I use that email and we can both give you insight. xoxo

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  23. This is a nice post Heather! It's got me thinking. Will definitely be sharing this with others. Thnx for sharing!

    Tell the World

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  24. My opinion, that is all .. but I disagree with this post on the basis that what classifies a "friend" is not fully disclosed and that you seem to dismiss the value of a relationship with the opposite sex (most importantly an understanding of the female experience and a valuable understanding of the female pscyhe and vice versa) .. yes it's likely that friendships may be blurred, but I have some very close female friends whom have been there since childhood, there is no attraction b/c they might as well be classified as my sisters, we lead our separate lives have our respective relationships and provide each other w/ faith based advice whenever we face any hurdles ... so I'm sorry, I think your advice here is based more so a few personal experiences which have introduced a bias than on concrete biblical principle .. it's easy to say that a friend introduces drama .. but don't overlook the fact that, your relationship w/ a female of the same sex can be much more damaging than his relationship with someone of the opposite sex .. if the parties involved int he relationship are facing temptation ... I could go on, but I feel like you are a bit to dismissive of opposite sex relationships

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    1. Hey Joseph,
      If you read throughout the bible.. you won't find any female to male relationships. Jonathan and David.. Martha & Mary... Nonetheless, the great thing about blogging.. is everybody has a personal opinion! :) So, sorry--I disagree! :) But thanks for taking the time to read & post!

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  25. i totally concur with this post..even when i was single,every male friend i had all wanted to date me in the end and now im married i know better that every male friendship has an ulterior motive at the end of the day..

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  26. This makes me pretty sad :(. Girls get on my nerves! so I prefer fellas as mates, they are more easy going. But I guess it's true because all my male friends have tried to date me at some point in our friendship. Thanks Heather stay blessed

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  27. Heather, I love you, and most of your advice is so helpful. But I have to disagree with you here. My best friends are guys. I've never had a problem with them wanting to date me. And my ex and I are pretty good friends now. He has a girlfriend, and I'm totally okay with that. Sooooo, I believe guys and girls can be friends.

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  28. Hello I am currently a female with a male best friend. Unfortunately I have wound in the situation of being the friend that secretly has deep feelings while not having a clue as to how he feels. However I read your post about how you know your husband was the one and I could relate to each one. Now I am in a place where I am trying to pull back on my feelings as they continue to grow through time. My best friend has a heart for God and ministry just like I do which is what brought us together in the first place. If I really told you the story of our friendship you would see that it was no one but God that brought us together. Now I have prayed about this several times and I am usually able to discern whether or not it is God speaking to me or when it's just me talking to myself but when I heard that he is my husband I was completely confused about whether it was God or just me getting my hopes up because I have no idea if he has had the same thoughts or if this is completely one sided. How can you tell if a man loves you? I feel so stuck.

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    1. Hey-
      Honestly, I don't know you whole situation. I honestly believe that you would be deeply hurt if he ended with a girlfriend. You should really have a heart to heart with him & get on the same page ASAP-- I believe that if you're friends it should be with purpose-- and towards marriage. If not, you gotta pull way back or you'll get hurt while he asks you to help him plan his proposal with another person.
      Praying for you.
      xo
      Heather

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  29. Hi Heather, I'm so glad that Carmen put this post on FB. I have had this conversation so many times and I have seen the fall out from friendships with the opposite sex. You are not saying, avoid the opposite sex and I think some people may have read it this way. Joseph's situation is an exception to the rule. There are exceptions based on people's motives. When you grow up with someone, you tend to view them as a sibling and yes, that is different. Not sure if Joseph read the part that said, "Let's be clear, God does not forbid friendships between men and women. To everyone I say be wise about the situation. Don't ignore red flags because I see that in most responses, people admit to underlying feelings or noticed feelings from the other side. It's best to avoid this situation when A. you are married or in a relationship or B. they are married or in a relationship. Other than that, be friends with whoever you want. My husband and I only do friends in groups and we respect the boundaries of friendships w/the opposite sex. He doesn't spend individual time with my friends and I don't do that with his. I invite you to visit my blog Keepin It Real. I love the way that you worded this post and I believe that you kept it very real.

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    1. Aw! Praise God! Thanks for taking the time to read this blog! I appreciate you & I love your boundaries!

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  30. God is truly answer many of my questions. Although I'm young I am mature for my age. And yet God is preparing or preserving me until then. I'm blessed yo read hour blogs

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  31. What a blessing! God bless you honey!

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  32. This just changed my life.....but now I have to be accountable,lol.... but to be upright in the sight of God it is worth it!

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  33. God bless you HEATHER, GOD BLESS YOU !!

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  34. When I first read in another blog that you believed men and women could not be friends, I totally disagreed. But having read this blog, comments and responses, I understand better what you mean and agree. I've really started to reevaluate my "friendships" with guys and girls for that matter. I'm definitely going to be more careful about who I call my friend.

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  35. Thank God for your life! Support this 100% :-))

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  36. Just read this & you make really good points, but I guess, like you said, you are seeing it from the eyes of a wife. I understand that one of them might secrtley have feelings for each other but this is not always the case. I have had a friend who is the opposite sex & I guess because we have been friends for so long, I can't see him nothing else but a friend. He has had girlfriend & to be honest he has made a wonderful friend, a better friend than some of the friends I have made with girls. He has helped me a lot with my relationship with God & so on. So I do feel to an extent that a girl and a boy can be friends.

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  37. Awww, this makes me sad. :( I have a crush on my guy friend and I love spending time with him. I get the impression that he doesn't feel the same way about me though. Physically, I have limited the time I am spending with him, however mentally I'm still with him. It's hard and it's gonna take time. Thank you Heather for your blogs. (Sometimes your blogs are so truthful that it hurts LOL!) God Bless you! <3

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  38. I respect what you're saying and I know how marriages can get ugly if one spouse is best friends with the opposite sex, however, I think this just applies to certain people; those who know deep down they cant be friends with the opposite sex because they always catch feelings. My best friend is a male, we've been best friends since we were 4, and thats all we've ever been. That line has never been crossed. I think males and females can be friends, just a matter of their intentions. Kind of like what you stated. :)

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  39. This post is awesome. I am totally co-signing everything you just said. I share your sentiments and I felt like I was "reading my heart". God bless you for being bold and backing up your perspectives with scriptures. Keep seeking God and ministering!

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  40. Hi. I have a guy best friend. We have been best friend for the past 2 years. I read your blog, it does make sense. But, we have never cross the boundary of friendship, ever. I think you forgot to mention that if you have a strong alliance with God, then you need not worry about the unnecessary complications with your guy friends.

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  41. Hey Heather!
    Thank you so much for this post! I've read/stalked :) your blog a million times, but I needed to read this one again. My ex & I finally cut all ties to each other, after 2 years of still semi-dating: seeing each other, going out, etc. He told me he was interested in dating some girl he met, and eventually told me we could still be friends & that he'd always be there for me...UM NO!! The only way that would ever happen is if we are friends with the sole purpose of getting married (which I don't know will happen or not. I'm not able to discern if it was truly God telling me this during our quiet time or if I was telling myself that...how can you tell for sure?), nothing more nothing less. So I'm super grateful for this post and the comments because now I'm even more convinced that I'm right: if I'm trying to sever all of the emotional ties from the past 5 years, I can't continue to hold on to him as a "friend." Thank you for this AND all your other posts! Love you & your ministry!!!

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  42. Very good read. This really opened my eyes up to a lot of things. I am going through a divorce and have not been with a female since July 2010, however I have spoken on the phone with a few women. I felt that I needed that connection with a female in order to help me cope with the issues I was going through. The last female I spoke with I feel may have been the one, however she lost her life in a car accident. We spoke about GOD on a daily basis however her emotions and feelings where something that she let me know about on a regular. The one thing that hit when reading the blog, was that when you have a female friend that is going through a rough patch in their life, they are so vulnerable. I can truly say that it in my honest opinion it impossible to be friends with a female. Pictures, phone talk that was very inappropriate, and just because it's not a physical ordeal it still does the same damage to GOD. I needed to read and view these videos, because it really opened my eyes to what road I was about to travel. Thanks for the words of encouragement...

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  43. Looooooved the YouTube video, and of course the blog as well! Besides being funny, that video spoke volumes. Definitely gets you thinking & putting things in perspective... I think the group outings are the best option

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  44. This is inspiring to say the least. In my relationship now ended of the woman I believe eveb too this day to BE MY WIFE! her male friendships have been our real problem and she fails to see that. Every arguement, disagreement, conversation, or angry moment between us has always involved another man. Past and present. They come by the house without my knowlege, shes calls them they call her, she texts them they text her, she goes to chruch with them convers with them about our relationship. She is very petsonable with them. AND I HAVE YET TO MEET ANY OF THEM. She refers to her ex husband as her best friend. She could meet a man today (co worker) and tommorow hes her very best friend. I would try talking to her about this and it would turn so ugly that I would leave. Iwould be compared to them tgem being always good me being always bad. Them understanding me not, them kind abd i am not. She has fun with them abd not with me. Im controlling she says by asking tgat she set up boundries we are talking marriage no man should be in a space where only your husband should be. She dusagrees saying her friends are just friends. She calls then boo and honey, sweety and love. She calls herself a Christian and is very involved in the Church like many of the activities Heather Lindsay is yet she has not invited me to chruch prayer bible study or anything involving christ with her. I understand were you my be thinking but in faith I dont believe she is having an affair with these men but she loves tge attention of other men so much that it has destroyed what could hae been a wonderful beautiful godly relationship as husband and wife. Wemon must understand the hopelessness a man feels when there are other men in a space that should be only ment for one. Sharing that space is not what gid had intended and if you think a man is truly going to stand by and turn his head you are wrong. Every situation we have faced has been because of some man. Gods said let very man have his own wife and each woman have her own husband. If you truly dont know the pain and suffering that could be avoided by hedding to this one godly pricnciple. THEN STOP LOOKING OR WAITNG FOR YOUR ADAM. Because you have to many other Adams to even see when your have arrived.

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  45. I really needed to read this tonight. God is speaking through you

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