Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Submission?!? (Girl, please.)

Sub-mission-verb; (definition: to get-UNDER the mission)


That's a pretty scary word for alot of women. When I first heard about it, it was like acid being poured down my throat. Like seriously. Scared the heck out of me because I worked at Def Jam and in TV with a TON of strong, single, women that ran some things! I never really respected men in general--so all the sudden, I looked up & had a ring on my finger.. and I'm in pre-martial counseling.. I kinda-sorta submitted my life to God as a single, so I just KNEW that I could "make it happen" and do the same for my husband. Please. That took some WORK plus a ton of help from God. I was pretty lost.


 At the alter, the pastor may say "Wives, submit yourselves to your husband as your husbands submit to Christ" You smile at the alter & if the pastor said, "will you promise to cook and clean and be a great wife?"
 With tears running down your face as you stare into the eyes of your soon to be husband and look out at close friends and dear family that is sitting in the chairs..and the thousands and thousands of dollars you spent on that wedding, at that point, with all emotion, you would say YES!! I will do whatever it takes to make my husband HAPPY!...cuz I just loveeeee him."



Then after that really good fight on that honeymoon, you are thinking, SUBMIT what?!.. he don't RUN me?! I ain't submittin' to this fool he drives me up the WALL. He just wants to go to his man-cave, hang out with buddies, he EATS everything, won't clean up after himself, I feel like his mama.. Then, 6 months into your marriage after those couple really good fights where you look at your husband and think, I'm stuck forever. whew. God, you gotta help me.


Ok, so let me give you the real deal from the Bible so you can't say I made this up.


 Even before sin entered the world, there was still the principle of headship (1 Timothy 2:13). Adam was created first, and Eve was created to be a "helper" for Adam (Genesis 2:18-20). At the same time, since there was no sin, there was no authority for man to obey except God’s authority. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, sin entered the world, and then authority was needed. Therefore, God established the authority needed to enforce the laws of the land and also to provide us with the protection we need. First, we need to submit to God, which is the only way we can truly obey Him (James 1:21; 4:7). In 1 Corinthians 11:2-3, we find that the husband is to submit to Christ as Christ did to God. Then the verse says that the wife should follow his example and submit to her husband. And I've said this before, if you aren't submitting to Jesus now--constantly resisting Him, discontent, jealous, angry, mad..it's going to amplify 100x once married. So you'll rebel against your husband's leadership, even though God put it in place. You'll be jealous of other people's marriage while refusing to do the work that it takes to develop your own marriage. Whatever your husband does for you will never be enough. Crazy how that works right? If you are struggling in these areas--don't beat yourself down. Just DO what the Holy Spirit is telling you to do. Ie. Struggling with jealousy--stop going to those gossip blogs & watching basketball wives & other shows that make you compare your life to theirs. That's not entertainment, it's a seed.


                          


Submission is a natural response to loving leadership. When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-33), then submission is a natural response from a wife to her husband. The Greek word translated “submit,” hupotasso, is the continuing form of the verb. This means that submitting to God, the government, or a husband is not a one-time act. It is a continual attitude, which becomes a pattern of behavior. The submission talked about in Ephesians 5 is not a one-sided subjection of a believer to a selfish, domineering person. The submission I'm referring to  is designed to be between two Spirit-filled believers who are mutually yielded to each other and to God. Submission is a two-way street. Submission is a position of honor and completeness. When a wife is loved as the church is loved by Christ, submission is not difficult. Ephesians 5:24 says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” This verse is saying that the wife is to submit to her husband in everything that is right and lawful. Therefore, the wife is under no obligation to disobey the law or God in the name of submission. (I have to put that in there--because someone is thinking--what if he writes bad checks, do I submit? Heck no.)
A wife should submit to her husband, not because women are inferior, but because that is how God designed the marital relationship to function. Submission is not a wife’s being a “doormat” for her husband. Rather, with the help of the Holy Spirit, a wife submits to her husband, and a husband sacrificially  (dies to himself) loves his wife.
            


You MAY be thinking, alright Heather--my man doesn't do the above. That's in a perfect world. I do understand that there are situations where a wife is maybe married to an unbeliever or their husband has turned away from God. What's the solution?
Understanding that you cannot change your man, but GOD changes them, not YOU. So even taking these scriptures and sayin' "look homeboy, you need LOVE me like Christ loved the church, and you ain't lovin' me like that so I aint gonna submit." You wanna know what that is? It's manipulation. Your man is not perfect & neither are you but I can only talk to YOU about YOUR part. Submission will give you wisdom on how to deal with your man. While you are doing your part, God steps in & begins to change their heart. Because you aren't nagging him every five minutes, God can speak to YOU about your part & show you the path to his heart so you can serve him. (And please, don't be selfish & ask "what about ME & what he's supposed to do?!"--that's the problem, you are way too focused on YOU.)


Remember that YOU always have a part, so focus on doing your part & you'll look up & it will be easy to submit! I actually enjoy submission now. I used to hate it & think that I had "NO" say so & that Cornelius & God was against me. But now my desires & my husband's desires have become Christ's.. we are walking together towards one goal & I trust that GOD is holding my husband accountable for our home. God could be showing Him something & as a WIFE, I have to trust that my husband can hear from God.


So while you are dating, if your man has zero relationship with God, spends no time with him, is rebellious, angry, mean .. but says he's a Christian? The proof is in the pudding. PROOF of your salvation is in your actions. Out of your love for God, you won't have sex with me prior to marriage. Out of your love for God, you'll develop in selflessness, you'll grow in Christ, spend time with Him, be sensitive to Him.


So, there's no recipe to all the sudden submit one day. If you've been married for 20 years or married for 1 year, practice trusting your spouse daily. Ask God to renew your respect that you have for him, Ask God to open doors over your husband's life and to lead him in the proper way. BUILD him up. You cannot build while tearing down. I CRINGE when I see woman talking down to their husbands in public. It's the highest form of disrespect. You honor that man somehow, someway. Your man is getting beat up enough outside of the home trying to take care of you--the last thing he needs is extra voice..beat him down. So encourage him. (especially if he doesn't deserve it)
                                    


I really love you ladies and I'm excited about a bunch of woman that are on fire for GOD, trust their husband's leadership & are 100% submitted to God.


Love you all,
Heather

15 comments:

  1. Jesus... i remember not so long ago the Holy Spirit sd to me the problems u encounter in marriage is because u never submitted and when he showed me myself i was a hot mess, i was rude, disrepectful, rebellious and never tookheed to my husbands warnings or input. but God i thank him for forgiveness n his mercy and his teaching in my life. Yes wives its time to submit,,,

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  2. ERI`CKA OPPONG-AGYAREOctober 12, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    TRULY BLESSED ME , THANKS FOR ENCOURAGING AND SHARING WHAT THE WORD SAYS

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  3. As I new wife I am really learning this submission piece. I was sooo independent for almost 30 years of my life. What helps me is that I remind myself daily that every time I honor my husband, God is pleased. :)At the end of the day, I dont want to dissapoint God. Thank you for sharing on this topic.

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  4. Ok Heather I need to know something. My husband and I just ad a conversation which turned into an argument real fast here is why. We were working on our Facebook page for our company and I suggested that we use a certain picture. He did not want to use the picture that I suggested. I explained that the reason I suggested that particular picture and his response was "This is my company, my vision and I'm the one that created it." Now prior to that comment I was fine but when he made that comment it completely pissed me off. His argument is I got offended because I don't know my role, I stepped out of my lane because when he said he didn't want to use the picture I suggested instead of me giving reason for why i suggested the picture in the first place I should have said well what picture do you want. Now if we are working as a so called team, I'm of the belief that I should be able to express my reasoning because perhaps I see something you may not. But he fills once he says this is what he wants I should instantly submit without any added comment. Unlike your list of things you wanted in a husband, my husband does have a temper and very quick temper and he constantly feels the need to posture up anytime something goes against his vision. His final comment was we cant meet in the middle because this isn't a democracy. The example we follow of Jesus submitting to God was not a democracy but a theocracy. There is no place for a husband and wife to come to any agreement or meet in the middle. So what are your views on that because I don't believe that is God's vision or plan for marriage. I don't believe that because a man is head what he thinks is ALWAYS right. Otherwise he wouldn't need a helpmeet.

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    1. Hey love, I've BEEN there and I sure know that feeling. I have a feeling that your husband feels like he "has to be right" maybe to show you that he's the leader because maybe...(just assuming) that you're very strong yourself. I'm confident that there's times that he agrees with you but probably says otherwise just to show you that he's the "leader." It's OK to have a opinion! OF course! But at the end of the day, our guys are the leaders. IN this particular case.. although it's your company.. (it's really both of your companies) I would have gone with the picture, even though I didn't 100% agrees. BY submitting to HIM--you're really submitting to Christ, thus--God will turn & honor you & change your husbands heart. WIN your husband over with a quiet & gentle spirit. (1 Peter 3:4) Remember that Ephesians 5:24 says "wives should submit to their husbands in everything." So that includes.. your business and everything else. I encourage you to be quiet the next time he is going hardcore in an area. Support, encourage & smile! THEN--he'll be shocked! And ask what you think! When we get quiet.. it gives God a chance to speak to our guys. Then, they usually turn & ask us.. "what do we think." That's just the first couple times. Give God a chance to work on your guy's heart. He totally will. He'll change him but MAKE sure that you're doing your part. YOU have a part to play.

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  5. YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! Described him perfectly! And that's EXACTLY what I said I was gonna do! It sincerely helps to have another woman of God to talk with about this because I'm sure you know you cannot talk to anybody and everybody! Thank you! Thank you! Look forward to connecting again!

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    1. Aw! Praise God!! So glad we're connected! xox

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  6. Hey Heather, I'm only 15 finishing up my freshman year and i'm still figuring things out. I'm currently in a very Christ centered relationship. before i met my bf i was extremely used to independence. even though it'll be a good 10 years before i get married, i'm already struggling with the whole submission thing... ugh he ain't gonna RUN me!! i don't know, i was kinda worried about that. but then i read this. it's not because women are inferior, it's just the way God wants it to work. so when i get married, i will get "under the mission" because i love God and it's probably a good idea to obey Him :P and that will obviously prove my love for my husband too. also i think being the girl and submitting helps me stay humble, if that makes any sense? again i'm young, but this is gonna help me in the long run. thank you Heather!!

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    1. Grace will meet you when it's time to submit lovely! Just stay submitted to Christ NOW and it will be a lot easier when you're married! <3

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  7. I know this is extra old, but it is right on time for my life. Submission was something I used to really struggle with, but the more I see my husband grow in Christ the easier it has become :-)

    Keep 'em coming!

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  8. You are so awesome! I was not a person who was on facebook everyday, but since being exposed you and your husband I can't wait to get on to see what spiritual advice you have next. You are so encouraging and so real. I wish everyone would take the time and read just one of your articles and I promise they would be hook. I love how you lay things out and give it to us straight. Keep up the great work for God!

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  9. I used to feel bad about not being married yet, but if I was married I would be a mess and my marriage would be a mess, I am glad that God has so ordained it that I can get everything I need from Him (through different sources like this blog and Pinky Promise) so that when my husband finds me, he can be 1000% sure in God that he has truly found a good thing!

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  10. This is exactly what I needed to see, I am 21 and I have made up in my mind to do my relationship Gods way, its very challenging. But I know God will keep me I am in my 7th month of celibacy but Im learning that God is shaping more than just my physical being, but my spiritual and emotional being thank YOu for being guided by the holy spirit :)

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  11. I pray to God i find a woman that really fears HIM and pushes me to be the best i can possibly be!

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  12. Heather I love your teachings, they stay with me even days after reading your posts, God bless you

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