Thursday, September 4, 2014

"Dry Seasons: God, where are You?"



Have you ever felt like you don't feel God's presence? Maybe, you go to church, you're trying to do the right thing. You've cut off bad relationships. You're REALLY trying to live for God but it STILL feels like you don't sense Him near you. You STILL feel like He's not giving you wisdom. You STILL feel like maybe.. I need to pray more. Or maybe, study more. Maybe then, God will make me feel full again.

If you've ever felt this way, I can relate with you.

But, this is what I've learned.

Just because I don't feel God's presence, doesn't mean He's not there. God is omnipresent. God is present everywhere! My feelings aren't the determining factor on if God is there or not. At what point did I make my feelings my idol or my god? And why do I keep trying to earn God like He's man? I am righteous by faith in the blood of Jesus, not in my works! Yes, faith without works is dead but if my faith is in Jesus then I will NATURALLY do work & live for Him. NOT the other way around.

Sadly, I thought my works made my faith. So, I did things & I said: LOOK GOD! Do you love me more?! Look God, I prayed. Where is my sticker? Look God, I served at church.. do you love me more? James makes the statement “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also” (James 2:26). Faith without works is dead faith because the lack of works reveals an unchanged life or a spiritually dead heart. There are many Scriptures that make it very clear that true saving faith will results in a CHANGED life, which is demonstrated by the “works” we do. How we live reveals what we believe and whether the faith we profess to have is a living faith.

James 2:14–26 is sometimes taken out of context in an attempt to create a works-based system of righteousness, but that is contrary to many other Scriptures.The scripture is not saying that our works make us righteous before God, but he is making it clear that real saving faith is demonstrated by good works. Works are not the cause of salvation; works are the evidence of salvation. The person who claims to be a Christian but lives in TOTAL disobedience to Christ with a life that shows no works has a false or dead faith and isn't saved. James is clearly showing you the difference between two different types of faith—truth faith that saves and false faith that is dead. So, in the midst of my dry season, I learned that it is out of my love for Jesus, I spend time with God. It is out of my love for my family that I serve them. Not for a cookie or a reward, but simply because I love them & it aint' got nothing to do with my emotions but everything to do with my unconditional love towards them.

You see, your feelings are constantly subject to change. You eat a huge meal you may feel heavy and sleepy with no energy. Then, the next day you drink a green smoothie-- so you're on a high again. Then, the next day your boss scolds you and .. there goes your mood again.

Why are your moods so unstable? Is that all it takes to push you off of your rocker?

"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour."- 1 Peter 5:8

Satan has watched you and many just like you for YEARS so he & his little demons pretty much know what makes you tick.

Whenever my feelings or my emotions try to run to cling onto some silly understanding of a huge God, I'm reminded of:

"Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?"- Isaiah 40:12

Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust." - Isaiah 40:15

How COMFORTING?! God holds the universe in the palm of his HAND! What perspective! 

And maybe, just maybe you are going through a dry season in your life because you are clinging on to so many things and people that God cannot even speak life into your hardened heart? Maybe, just maybe you're heart has been in things, money, pride, status and this world?  God cares so much about you that He will allow for you to be stripped from worldly things so He will have His proper place. He refuses to share His glory with anyone else & He is JEALOUS for you. Do you think God is just gonna sit there & let you seek after this world & not CARE? God surly has a way of getting our attention again. He knows how to bring a man to repentence. So, stop wrestling with Him.

I challenge you sister to keep blogging, keep praying, keep spending crazy time with God, keep pressing in and don't move until God pushes you to move. In that moment where we feel like all hope is lost, God is whispering into our ears "As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength.- Psalm 138:3"


Just to give you a few practice tips during this season:

1. Don't quit on God, He is the only One that is leading you & the only One that can HELP  you. So, spend MORE time with Him and don't run back to your past when you get uncomfortable. Spending time with God daily should be like that flight you're catching at 7am free flight to Hawaii everyday. You know good & well you wouldn't miss that all expense paid trip. So, why is it so hard for your flesh to set a time for God & stick with it but we can get up for work, a flight.. school. There's a reason you don't desire God sis & it's because you stopped giving your attention to Him!

2. Let go of anyone or anything that is hindering your walk with the Lord. Yes, that person. You know who it is! God has already made it plain to you but you're rationalizing! Stop going back & forth with it & let it go!!

3. Guard that heart! You don't have time to sit & listen to stupid love songs & music that aint' glorifying the Father. Turn off the TV, unfollow a bunch of worldly celebrities & protect your heart. Your heart grows things and if you compare your life to all of these other people, you won't enjoy this season. You will compare your life to a persons highlight reel & think that God forgot about you.

4. Be kind to others. Yes, this may seem easy to do but when you're not feeling good about yourself, sometimes its hard to be nice to others. Avoid the pity party & get UP from your depression. Get UP from your feelings! Get UP & go help someone else that is struggling! When you get your eyes off of yourself & become selfless-- you will find the joy & the beauty in sowing time & energy into others as the Lord leads you.

 5. Learn, learn & learn some more! Read Christian BOOKS, listen to encouraging podcasts and surround yourself with believers. Never stop learning and take what you learn & apply it to your daily life. But before you pick up everybody else's book--  make sure your face is in the bible first. Nothing replaces that.

I'm praying for you. I'm standing in agreement with you & so is the rest of the body of Christ. Remember that when you quit, it puts a burden on the rest of the body to pick up where you quit on God. So, hang in there! God is for you!

Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference2015.eventbee.com!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 26,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152


God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

My little family! :) Check out Logan's smile!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

"Why We Waited Until Our Wedding Day to Kiss & WHY IT'S WORTH IT."


In honor of our 4 year wedding anniversary tomorrow, I decided to write a blog about our journey. xo

So, you may have heard our story through our books,  YouTube videos & blogs that we waited 1 year and 8 months to kiss until our wedding day. I'm not wearing it as a badge of honor to pat myself on the back, but moreso to remind this generation that there's people willing to honor God regardless of what this silly society pressures them to do. We decided to honor God NOT to bring glory to ourselves but to bring glory to HIM. He graced us during that season.

I felt led to write this blog because I'm seeing worldly blogs out there encouraging people NOT to wait to have sex until they get married. And these people claim to be Christians. I'm sorry, if you are pursuing sin and encouraging people to sin prior to marriage then you aren't a Christian. You're a liar and the truth is not in you. This may sound harsh, but I didn't set the standard, the bible did. You don't wear the title of Christian because you uttered a few words. Even demons believe in Jesus. There should be some fruit of living for Jesus in your life.

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

1 John 2:3 Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

God is clear to us when He tells us that our bodies is the very temple of the Holy Spirit. So, if you are reading blogs that oppose that standard that I encourage you to stop reading. This life aint' about you. This life is about Jesus Christ and through HIM, we can do all things.

So, if we know that sex outside of marriage is a sin because we read these scriptures:

1 Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. (ESV)

2 Corinthians 12:21 And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed. (KJV)

Galatians 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness ... (KJV)

Ephesians 5:3–5 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (KJV)

 If I can be totally honest, it breaks my heart that people would encourage others to have sex prior to marriage. It's NOT BIBLICAL. Pray for whoever's sharing the info & keep it moving. 

I'm reminded of: 

2 Timothy 3:1-5 ...'This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.'

First, I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband and he wasn't a virgin either-- but together, we decided to do something different in our relationship. He was 22 and I was 26 and we had never been in a relationship, Gods way. I grew up not thinking that sex outside of marriage was wrong. I thought it was ok. I attended a church that didn't teach anything bout fornication and I didn't even know what the word meant. I called it "fornificantion." When I was sitting in a bible study, the preacher started to talk about sex outside of marriage and I asked my friend, "wait, that's WRONG?!" I seriously didn't know.  Thank God that He took the blinders off my eyes.

Would I have waited to have sex until I met my husband if I would have known what I know NOW? Um. YES. I would have avoided silly soul ties or bridges, heartbreak and pain. I left pieces of myself with guys and those relationships tormented me years after we broke up. A piece of myself in California. A piece of myself in Michigan. A piece of myself in New York. I "almost" got married to a couple of those guys so to say that "we plan on being together anyway-- we should just have sex" doesn't make sense either because it was all based in hope with no concrete plan for the future. " We didn't have a ring. Even if we did, it wasn't final until I do. 

I struggled while I was single because I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to find value. Then, I learned that I needed a relationship with CHRIST, not with a human to be whole. No man, no job, no woman, no degree or anything else can fill this huge void in my heart that God placed there.

In 2004 while in prayer, I asked the Lord for a man that wouldn't kiss me until my wedding day. Deep down, I knew that any guy that kissed me after that.. wouldn't be my husband. Did I still kiss them? Um yes. I didn't do my part either.. but I wanted a man to lead me. I wanted him to tell me NO, we are going to honor God. I wanted a man that wouldn't dare pull my clothes off my body until my last name changed to his legally. I wanted a man that HAD A STANDARD. I wanted a man that TRULY loved JESUS. You see, it's hard for ONE person to have a standard in the relationship but if you guys aren't walking together & on the same PAGE then one person is going to cause the other person to stumble  & fall. Sis, if you don't want to have sex until you get married and your'e tired of running off men with your standard then make up in your mind that you would rather be single & whole in Jesus than to be dating randoms that are only USING your body & tossing you to the side. I had to MAKE up in my mind in 2008 that I was going to be single for the REST of my life vs. being married to somebody who fit my dysfunction. I made up in my mind that I was going to be SINGLE & content in the LORD until He brought His best. I didn't want God to bring someone into my life but there was no room for him. That seat next to me needed to be empty. Then, in 2009 the Lord brought my husband to me.  I knew within 15 minutes that we were going to get married one day. 12 months later he proposed and 8 months after that we married and kissed for the first time on our wedding day. On our FIRST date, Cornelius told me that he wasn't going to kiss me until our wedding day. I NEVER told him my desire. That night I laid in my bed with tears in my eyes and asked the Lord.. "God, how did Cornelius know? Lord, you answered my prayers. Thank you for showing me that your way is the best way."

Can I be honest..

This is the issue sis, so many of us are keeping the seat next to us filled-- not with one man, but with about 10-12 men. Stacked up sitting next to you on this chair. That chair is filled with all of your soul bridges and ties and a few rotating men that you rotate out depending on who will text you back. You've seem to lost your standard & your way because you don't think that any man would truly love you the way that Christ loves the church. You're being hidden sweetheart. You are so beautiful, so purposed, so valued that God has you covered for a season. He's so jealous for you and He longs for all of you and for your eyes to finally be on Him again. He longs for the attention you give to those sorry men.

I recall prior to meeting my husband I was single and working at a record label. A male co-worker told me that I was a waste of a vagina but he used a more explicit word. Some of the artists would try to talk to me through him and he would share with them that I was "a church girl & a waste." Did I get mad at him? No. I was actually sad for him. I was sad that he was being used by the enemy to try to discourage me and he had no idea. I grieved for his soul. Although he didn't know my worth, I knew who I was in Christ and no man on this earth was going to take that away from me. He told me that I was going to be single forever and miserable. I simply smiled and told him that I was praying for him. Why argue? He was ready for a fight and I knew that God could show him much better than I could ever show him. 

This point reminds me to ask you this question: WHO are you listening to? If you're single and trusting God's timing-- why are you letting co-workers, friends, family members & whoever else pressure you to conger up some man? STICK with your standards! Its SO worth it. Don't rush into a relationship to satisfy a nagging parent. Just stop it. YOU have to wake up to that person everyday, not your family members.

So, onto our wedding day and why it was so worth it. 



I remember sitting in my bridal suite and I was so nervous! I was about to kiss my fiancé for the first time in my life. We'd been together for
almost 2 years and our communication was so amazing, I felt like I really KNEW him but I had never seen him naked. Never touched any area of his body in the wrong type of way, never had sex, never kissed- even on his hand. The first time we kissed after we were announced as "husband & wife." We kissed!!! Was it like fireworks? Not really. But it was beautiful. Kinda nerve-wrecking because all of your family is watching this moment! But I was still trying to take it ALL in. I still couldn't believe that we were "allowed" to kiss because I had trained myself so long to NOT kiss.

Now, I'm about to get really personal, when we went back to the hotel room, I was so nervous and not sure about everything. Do we shower together? Does he even like to shower together? Does he help  me take my dress off? We were BOTH super nervous about the whole thing. Did I let it overwhelm me? No. God started this relationship & HE will perfect it if I LET HIM.

Then, we started to crack jokes to help lighten the mood of all of these crazy expectations that we put on ourselves. The same God that joined us together in marriage will join us together in consummating our marriage. He will grace us. He will teach us. HE made sex for marriage. So, I casted all of my care onto Him because He cared for us! I even gave him my guilt. 

You may think, WHY did you feel guilty Heather? I had gone SO long in unhealthy relationships & having sex OUTSIDE of marriage that I felt GUILTY for those first couple months being able to have sex within marriage. I was used to beating myself up after disobeying God that I took that bad way of thinking into my marriage. I had to REMIND myself that God was with us and that HE honored our marriage covenant.

Now,  4 years into our marriage, I'm thankful that we waited to kiss until our wedding day.

  1. I never really respected men because I always felt like they said one thing & did another thing. Courting Cornelius showed me that he knew where he was going and what he was doing. I respected his purpose  & direction. I didn't feel like I needed to lead him. So, your guy should be able to articulate WHERE God is taking him & the part YOU play. 
  2. Waiting forced me to deal with my crazy emotions that manipulated the guys I would date. For example, I was having a rough day while we were courting and I called Cornelius and said I was flying to Atlanta (I lived in NYC at the time) to spend the weekend there. He said, "why?" And I shared with him that I was stressed out and I needed to get away. He told me no. "Wait, NO!" I screamed at him! You aren't normal! I just want to fly down there to forget about my week and you're not letting me. This is NORMAL. He responded gently, "Heather, I won't let you run from your problems. Face whatever is going on there with Gods help. He will help you & show you and I won't be a part of crippling your development." AND then he hung up. I sat there, stunned. WAIT, WHAT?! HOW dare HE?!? Does he not know that I can have anybody I want?! Then, God began to show me that I run when it gets hard and instead of turning to Him, I turn to getting away. So, that weekend I turned off my phone and I sat before the Lord. I let Him begin to pull out that crap that was in my  heart. 
  3. Waiting to kiss forced him as well to deal with communication. He HATED to talk on the phone and the phone was all we had as we were long distance, but saw each other at least 2-4x a month. It forced him to develop and be intentional about picking up the phone and developing in that area. Check out his blog here about other areas it developed for him. 
  4. Waiting to kiss allowed for God to truly flow through us undistracted by physical sin. I had dated this worlds way and courted Gods way. I hated that overwhelmed feeling that I would have after I was doing things I knew I shouldn't be doing. It was refreshing to be able to walk down the street with this guy and hold his hand.. knowing that God was within that relationship. I had NEVER experienced that. It was beautiful. SIN wasn't ruining my CONFIDENCE in the Lord. 
  5. Lastly, amongst so many other reasons, waiting to kiss disciplined us. We had to constantly tell our flesh NO! It was hard at times to set boundaries & to trust Gods timing concerning getting married. We didn't want to rush and make an emotional decision to marry just because we weren't kissing. We wanted to know WHO we were marrying. I am a very affectionate person and for ME, not being able to express my affection was HARD. We never cuddled. We barely hugged. I had to give that care to God daily and at times, I would be in TEARS. I was so used to my fleshly needs being met while courting and this time forced me to trust God. 
There's so many other reasons, but in light of our 4 year anniversary tomorrow, I wanted to share a few things that were on my heart. Note that I'm not telling you to do the same thing as far as not kissing but I knew that kissing was foreplay that would LEAD to other things. I just didn't want to kiss-- I wanted to do ALOT more. So, kissing was the small flame that turned into a raging fire. You may think you can control yourself, but ask yourself.. how has that been working for you?

Be led by the Lord. The last thing you want to do is be in a relationship with someone that fits where you see yourself NOW and not where GOD is taking you. Cut off ANYBODY or anything that is hindering your walk with the Lord. It's never, ever, ever worth it. A tree is identified by it's FRUIT, so if she or he says they are a Christian, they will produce Christ-like fruit. 


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book,  Dusty Crowns, here! 

5. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference2015.eventbee.com!

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. Be sure to click on the calendar above for my speaking schedule! I'm headed to Miami, Atlanta, LA and a few other awesome spots!

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152



God loves you like crazy,

Love you all dearly,
Heather Lindsey 












Monday, July 7, 2014

"I Think I Married the Wrong Man"



Just to quickly clear this up, I definitely didn't marry the wrong man. I am married to an awesome man by the name of Cornelius and he truly loves me like Christ loves the church. He's not PERFECT by any means. but he is sure working on being a better man DAILY as I am too. He's an amazing leader, husband, father & all that other good stuff. He really considers our family and puts us first after God.

But, have I ever thought that I married the wrong person? Um. yes. How many times? Maybe 40-50 times in our 4 years of being married. Especially during our first year of marriage. I thought, Oh, God! I wish I would have married someone that was more like this or that, which was a lie because everybody has an issue so if it's not that issue, it's something else.

Let me just give you some background- as most of you know, we waited to kiss until our wedding day.  So, you would think that BECAUSE we waited that things would be strawberries and flowers everyday afterwards-- psh, please. I realized even more that first year how IMPORTANT it is to marry a man that really loves Jesus because your marriage is going to get hit with attacks and if you don't have that solid foundation, your marriage may not make it. I seriously believe the ONLY reason that we are married to this day is because of the cross. If Jesus came and died for our sins and gave us an opportunity to be in the right relationship with Jesus-- can we not take on that same example and die to ourselves in our marriage?

Our first year was a rough year. I honestly didn't think we would make it. No, we didn't cheat on each other or anything crazy but we sure went through IT and back.

While courting, my husband worked full time at a "megachurch" and he pretty much was the chief of staff. He ran multiple departments, we had a "special" parking spot at church and had a "reserved" front row seat of a 10,000 seat church. He made great money, had a house, car and purpose. I didn't marry him for those reasons-- I married him because I believed in him, respected him, loved him and because the Lord told me to marry him. I knew that we would eventually leave and start our own ministry, I just didn't know it would be so soon.

Three months into our marriage, my husband got extremely quiet. For about 2 weeks, he didn't say much of anything to me and it was SO hard! I quickly learned that when he gets really quiet for periods of time, it's because the Lord is dealing with him about something and it's not me (that was a huge struggle, because I didn't want him to be mad at me!). So, by week two-- I got the memo. Then, he came to me and told me that the Lord wanted him to quit his job and to move to Mississippi. Huh? Wait, huh? "Well, babe-- I support you. I am excited and I will go find me a pair of cowboy boots and enjoy Mississippi." You see, Cornelius could have told me that we were moving to Alaska and I would have been online looking up snowsuits. I simply believed in my husband and that He is constantly led by the Lord. So, leaving "everything" wasn't the hard part. The hard part was when we actually GOT to Mississippi. No church. No friends.  Our old "pretend" friends were talking about us for leaving the church & saying that we missed God. Still trying to figure out how to leave your past, family and whatever else and become "one flesh." It was plain hard. We would get into huge fights because it was just him and I in this tiny 1-bedroom apartment and we weren't used to being together 24-7. I was working from home for a Software Hedge Accounting firm and he would pray and study 7-9 hours a day. It was a huge difference from our life before because our finances really became ONE. Then, we got pregnant. I cried because I didn't want to get pregnant (which was so selfish, but I came from the New York mindset of career first) and Cornelius was super excited. Then, 6 weeks later we miscarried. Then, my step dad suddenly passed away. (My father passed in 2000) Then, my nephew committed suicide, then, my friend suddenly had a brain aneurysm and died. All of these things hits me like a brick. Then, we had to cut back on everything because we were living on one salary so we would argue about money. All of this happened within 6 months of being married. I still didn't really trust him because I was crazy and had been lied to and cheated on by so many guys in my past, I felt like I had to keep tabs on him. He felt the same way and couldn't trust me either. We BOTH didn't do anything to make the other feel this way.. it was just an attack from our old mindset.  We were both a TRAIN WRECK to say the least. After one huge argument, we both screamed at each other, "I WANT A DIVORCE!!!"

As I balled my eyes out in the closet, I started to ponder where I could go. We live in Mississippi. I have no friends. I have nowhere to go. I can afford a hotel room for a night, but we don't really have it, so I felt trapped. I felt like I had no where to go and I felt like nobody understood me. I am stuck in this marriage and we waited to kiss.. & all we do is FIGHT. I learned that becoming "one flesh" wasn't a fairytale and because we had so much crap in our past-- that when we "work out our salvation.." it's going to be HARD sometimes. So as I sat there.. I questioned:

Did I marry the wrong one Lord? Show me God!

"No Heather, you didn't "marry the wrong one. Through this marriage, I will teach you what it means to love the way that I love-- and that is unconditionally. I will use Cornelius to show you your true self so that you can repent of your sin and truly be made in my image. And did you know that I created Cornelius and I can give you the insight on him? On how to deal wisely with him and how to win him over? I created him."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

God, YOU know Cornelius. I'm over here trying to figure out this man.. and you can show me how to have a peaceful marriage. At WHAT point did I pick up my life Lord? Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry. I repent. Teach me how to be a woman after your own heart in every single way.

Galatians 3:3
How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?

I had picked up my own life at some point and then I started to see the fruit of it. I was operating as a wife in my own human effort and ability and constantly came up short in submission, in loving him, in respecting him and a peaceful marriage. I nagged him, tried to control what he ate, how he dressed and just about everything. What's crazy is this:: I contemplated, "God, did I marry the wrong one?" AS I NAGGED the mess out of my husband. Isn't it ironic how we focus on what the other person "should" be doing while we totally reject and ignore our portion? Even in my selfish prayers of "asking my husband" to change-- God began to really deal with my heart. And, finally I let Him. He began to show me where I was wrong and that he reveals weaknesses in my husband-- not for me to bash him, but for me to pray for him. 



Did you know that when you PRAY for your husband, you're actually praying for yourself? You are one flesh! How beautiful is this? So, I started to bind some things up & I went before the Lord about BOTH of our weaknesses. Instead of bashing Cornelius, I started to pray earnestly for him and I stayed on my face before the Lord. During the day-- if he tried to argue or there was an opportunity to nag-- I would just shut up. I would silently cry out to the Lord and I would go to the bathroom or my quiet time space. "Lord, you know what I've been praying and that conversation didn't line up with my prayers. So, God, give me the grace to love him. Give me the grace to understand him. Show me my ways Jesus. Help me to live for you in everyday." You may be screaming, but "WHAT about YOU Heather?! Why is it that WE always have to change." Well, honey-- somebody has to change. And because you're reading this-- maybe God is encouraging you to be the bigger person & exercise that love muscle? Satan is AFTER your godly relationships. He's AFTER your marriage & you're just letting him tap-dance on your life. STOP it. LOVE back & HARD.

When you get married, you are CLOSE to another person. You see all of their weaknesses, flaws, problems, joys, strengths and struggles. So, what do you do when you're that close? Beat them up and criticize them, or do you get on your face on behalf of your spouse and cry out to God? Some of you are so mad at God because of your marriage that you don't even spend time with Him anymore. You have all together given up on your marriage and God. Sis, it's time to get back to the heart of worship. If you feel far away from God-- someone moved.

James 4:8 "Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

So, draw close to God. AND then, He will come close to you. Know that He is always, always, always there. But if He feels far away, you most likely pushed Him to that position while placing things over him. As you continue to read that same verse, it says that your loyalty is divided between God and that wedge is what is separating you from His sweet presence and wisdom.

You may have questions.

1. But Heather, I married an unbeliever. What do I do?
Now, this isn't an excuse to marry a unbeliever. If you're dating or engaged to someone you're unequally yoked with-- I encourage you to end that relationship. Don't make excuses that "you're going to save him" because you cannot save him sis. There's a chance that he may never get saved and that he will resent the God you love so much for the next 40 years.

Back to the question-- I know it's hard, but "Win him over with your quiet & gentle spirit." based on 1 Peter 3:4. It won't be easy and it's easier SAID than done but if you want a great marriage, we must do what the bible says in regards to bringing peace to the home.

2. You don't know my husband. He's crazy! He refuses to meet my needs!
I can totally understand how you feel. I have felt the same way before. My husbands love language is acts of service & my love language is touch. So, for a LONG time-- I felt like he was ignoring my love language as he ran around doing "acts of service." We have to remember that when we get married, it no longer becomes about "my needs." My best advice would be to stop focusing on what you think he needs to do and focus on Jesus. Yes, its that simple. I watched my marriage change when I stopped nagging my husband, having stinky attitudes, and complaining all the time. Ask the Lord to help you, He's not surprised by whats happening.

3. My husband is cheating on me. What do I do? 
My heart breaks that you're going through this huge test. I couldn't imagine what you're going through right now. My advice to you would first and foremost is to believe God for reconciliation. If your husband is repentant, try to find counseling collectively & separately. The biggest hurtle with this test is trusting and and forgiveness. FORGIVE people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14, 15). This may seem impossible, but with God's grace, the victim can make it an act of the will in obedience to God's Word. To carry bitterness will affect attitudes, emotions, and the desire to obey God, and it will negatively affect everyday decisions. But the grace of God will greatly minister to your needs. We must let God minister to our needs-- running from your marriage into the arms of another man for payback or quitting on God will get you nowhere. Not forgiving & casting your care on God will birth a unforgiving heart that will soon be tormented with vengeful thoughts, anger, wrath, etc. Then, as God leads, forgiveness and reconciliation can follow. Even if this takes time, every effort must be made to forgive and reconcile. (See Matthew 5:23-24.)

4. How long.. do I have to keep doing the right thing until he changes?
Well, what is your motive for doing the right thing? For a cookie? I don't mean to be harsh sis, but if your motive is based on conditions, you've already lost the battle. We must do what we do out of real, unconditional love-- not out of a ".. he better respond this way or else" attitude. Although your words change, your demeanor may stay the same-- so he can sense your "funkiness." I'm always reminded of the grace Jesus gives me when I want to withhold grace from my husband.

5. Heather, why are you telling me everything I need to do and you aren't blaming this man!
Well, your man isn't reading this, you are sis. Again, lets get the focus off of you & put it on Jesus. Have you given up hope that the Lord can fix your problem? Remember that nothing is impossible for Him. He can restore, heal and give life again.


I love you all, I really do. I want nothing more than to see you joyful and fulfilling the will of God for your life and strife in your relationships could hinder that. If your hardened against your husband then you are also hardened against God. TRUST me that I am taking up my cross on a DAILY basis with my very STRONG personality-husband and praying for him to become more like Christ. You're not alone in this journey.

Just a few things:

1. SO excited that I just released my NEWEST book, "Dusty Crowns!!" Find it here. 

2. My hubby just released his newest book too!! It's called "Learning how to walk: Inspiring others to walk by faith!"  You can find it here. 

3. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

4. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

5.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

6. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

7. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

8. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

9. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My new book is here!!! "Dusty Crowns"


Dusty Crowns: Dusting yourself off and becoming the woman God called you to be




Have you ever felt like you are completely inadequate and regardless of what you do—you still don’t feel good enough? Well, Heather Lindsey felt the same way for years and she would try to earn God’s love and affirmation. After searching to fill her “God voids” in things, she learned what it meant to be the crown of her spiritual husband, God. Instead of chasing after unhealthy relationships, money and things, she sought a relationship with Jesus and He dusted her past off and made all things new. This book is a reminder that regardless of how far you have gotten away from God, He is still right there, ready to dust you off and make you whole.

In this book, you will:

• Learn what it means to be the crown of Jesus Christ and the crown of your physical husband, from the inside out.

• Learn to protect your heart, mind and life from distractions.

• Learn to enjoy the current season of your life and develop into the woman God called you to be.

• Learn to refuse to settle for anything or anyone less than God’s best for your life.

• See yourself how God sees you—valued, beautiful and special in His eyes.

• Take advantage of the tests and trails and develop in patience

Join Heather Lindsey on a heart-to-heart journey to becoming who God called you to be from the inside out. Dusty Crowns challenges women, whether single or married to be beautiful from the inside out and to accomplish the will of God for their life.

 You can find it HERE

or

Amazon/ Kindle

Thank you SO much for the love and support. After ONE day, the kindle version became the #1 best selling book! God is faithful.

ALSO, my amazing husband released HIS book as well! Its called: "Learning How to Walk: Inspiring Others to Walk By Faith" & you can find it here.

Thanks again.

Love you all,
Heather Lindsey 
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