Monday, July 7, 2014

"I Think I Married the Wrong Man"



Just to quickly clear this up, I definitely didn't marry the wrong man. I am married to an awesome man by the name of Cornelius and he truly loves me like Christ loves the church. He's not PERFECT by any means. but he is sure working on being a better man DAILY as I am too. He's an amazing leader, husband, father & all that other good stuff. He really considers our family and puts us first after God.

But, have I ever thought that I married the wrong person? Um. yes. How many times? Maybe 40-50 times in our 4 years of being married. Especially during our first year of marriage. I thought, Oh, God! I wish I would have married someone that was more like this or that, which was a lie because everybody has an issue so if it's not that issue, it's something else.

Let me just give you some background- as most of you know, we waited to kiss until our wedding day.  So, you would think that BECAUSE we waited that things would be strawberries and flowers everyday afterwards-- psh, please. I realized even more that first year how IMPORTANT it is to marry a man that really loves Jesus because your marriage is going to get hit with attacks and if you don't have that solid foundation, your marriage may not make it. I seriously believe the ONLY reason that we are married to this day is because of the cross. If Jesus came and died for our sins and gave us an opportunity to be in the right relationship with Jesus-- can we not take on that same example and die to ourselves in our marriage?

Our first year was a rough year. I honestly didn't think we would make it. No, we didn't cheat on each other or anything crazy but we sure went through IT and back.

While courting, my husband worked full time at a "megachurch" and he pretty much was the chief of staff. He ran multiple departments, we had a "special" parking spot at church and had a "reserved" front row seat of a 10,000 seat church. He made great money, had a house, car and purpose. I didn't marry him for those reasons-- I married him because I believed in him, respected him, loved him and because the Lord told me to marry him. I knew that we would eventually leave and start our own ministry, I just didn't know it would be so soon.

Three months into our marriage, my husband got extremely quiet. For about 2 weeks, he didn't say much of anything to me and it was SO hard! I quickly learned that when he gets really quiet for periods of time, it's because the Lord is dealing with him about something and it's not me (that was a huge struggle, because I didn't want him to be mad at me!). So, by week two-- I got the memo. Then, he came to me and told me that the Lord wanted him to quit his job and to move to Mississippi. Huh? Wait, huh? "Well, babe-- I support you. I am excited and I will go find me a pair of cowboy boots and enjoy Mississippi." You see, Cornelius could have told me that we were moving to Alaska and I would have been online looking up snowsuits. I simply believed in my husband and that He is constantly led by the Lord. So, leaving "everything" wasn't the hard part. The hard part was when we actually GOT to Mississippi. No church. No friends.  Our old "pretend" friends were talking about us for leaving the church & saying that we missed God. Still trying to figure out how to leave your past, family and whatever else and become "one flesh." It was plain hard. We would get into huge fights because it was just him and I in this tiny 1-bedroom apartment and we weren't used to being together 24-7. I was working from home for a Software Hedge Accounting firm and he would pray and study 7-9 hours a day. It was a huge difference from our life before because our finances really became ONE. Then, we got pregnant. I cried because I didn't want to get pregnant (which was so selfish, but I came from the New York mindset of career first) and Cornelius was super excited. Then, 6 weeks later we miscarried. Then, my step dad suddenly passed away. (My father passed in 2000) Then, my nephew committed suicide, then, my friend suddenly had a brain aneurysm and died. All of these things hits me like a brick. Then, we had to cut back on everything because we were living on one salary so we would argue about money. All of this happened within 6 months of being married. I still didn't really trust him because I was crazy and had been lied to and cheated on by so many guys in my past, I felt like I had to keep tabs on him. He felt the same way and couldn't trust me either. We BOTH didn't do anything to make the other feel this way.. it was just an attack from our old mindset.  We were both a TRAIN WRECK to say the least. After one huge argument, we both screamed at each other, "I WANT A DIVORCE!!!"

As I balled my eyes out in the closet, I started to ponder where I could go. We live in Mississippi. I have no friends. I have nowhere to go. I can afford a hotel room for a night, but we don't really have it, so I felt trapped. I felt like I had no where to go and I felt like nobody understood me. I am stuck in this marriage and we waited to kiss.. & all we do is FIGHT. I learned that becoming "one flesh" wasn't a fairytale and because we had so much crap in our past-- that when we "work out our salvation.." it's going to be HARD sometimes. So as I sat there.. I questioned:

Did I marry the wrong one Lord? Show me God!

"No Heather, you didn't "marry the wrong one. Through this marriage, I will teach you what it means to love the way that I love-- and that is unconditionally. I will use Cornelius to show you your true self so that you can repent of your sin and truly be made in my image. And did you know that I created Cornelius and I can give you the insight on him? On how to deal wisely with him and how to win him over? I created him."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

God, YOU know Cornelius. I'm over here trying to figure out this man.. and you can show me how to have a peaceful marriage. At WHAT point did I pick up my life Lord? Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry. I repent. Teach me how to be a woman after your own heart in every single way.

Galatians 3:3
How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?

I had picked up my own life at some point and then I started to see the fruit of it. I was operating as a wife in my own human effort and ability and constantly came up short in submission, in loving him, in respecting him and a peaceful marriage. I nagged him, tried to control what he ate, how he dressed and just about everything. What's crazy is this:: I contemplated, "God, did I marry the wrong one?" AS I NAGGED the mess out of my husband. Isn't it ironic how we focus on what the other person "should" be doing while we totally reject and ignore our portion? Even in my selfish prayers of "asking my husband" to change-- God began to really deal with my heart. And, finally I let Him. He began to show me where I was wrong and that he reveals weaknesses in my husband-- not for me to bash him, but for me to pray for him. 



Did you know that when you PRAY for your husband, you're actually praying for yourself? You are one flesh! How beautiful is this? So, I started to bind some things up & I went before the Lord about BOTH of our weaknesses. Instead of bashing Cornelius, I started to pray earnestly for him and I stayed on my face before the Lord. During the day-- if he tried to argue or there was an opportunity to nag-- I would just shut up. I would silently cry out to the Lord and I would go to the bathroom or my quiet time space. "Lord, you know what I've been praying and that conversation didn't line up with my prayers. So, God, give me the grace to love him. Give me the grace to understand him. Show me my ways Jesus. Help me to live for you in everyday." You may be screaming, but "WHAT about YOU Heather?! Why is it that WE always have to change." Well, honey-- somebody has to change. And because you're reading this-- maybe God is encouraging you to be the bigger person & exercise that love muscle? Satan is AFTER your godly relationships. He's AFTER your marriage & you're just letting him tap-dance on your life. STOP it. LOVE back & HARD.

When you get married, you are CLOSE to another person. You see all of their weaknesses, flaws, problems, joys, strengths and struggles. So, what do you do when you're that close? Beat them up and criticize them, or do you get on your face on behalf of your spouse and cry out to God? Some of you are so mad at God because of your marriage that you don't even spend time with Him anymore. You have all together given up on your marriage and God. Sis, it's time to get back to the heart of worship. If you feel far away from God-- someone moved.

James 4:8 "Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

So, draw close to God. AND then, He will come close to you. Know that He is always, always, always there. But if He feels far away, you most likely pushed Him to that position while placing things over him. As you continue to read that same verse, it says that your loyalty is divided between God and that wedge is what is separating you from His sweet presence and wisdom.

You may have questions.

1. But Heather, I married an unbeliever. What do I do?
Now, this isn't an excuse to marry a unbeliever. If you're dating or engaged to someone you're unequally yoked with-- I encourage you to end that relationship. Don't make excuses that "you're going to save him" because you cannot save him sis. There's a chance that he may never get saved and that he will resent the God you love so much for the next 40 years.

Back to the question-- I know it's hard, but "Win him over with your quiet & gentle spirit." based on 1 Peter 3:4. It won't be easy and it's easier SAID than done but if you want a great marriage, we must do what the bible says in regards to bringing peace to the home.

2. You don't know my husband. He's crazy! He refuses to meet my needs!
I can totally understand how you feel. I have felt the same way before. My husbands love language is acts of service & my love language is touch. So, for a LONG time-- I felt like he was ignoring my love language as he ran around doing "acts of service." We have to remember that when we get married, it no longer becomes about "my needs." My best advice would be to stop focusing on what you think he needs to do and focus on Jesus. Yes, its that simple. I watched my marriage change when I stopped nagging my husband, having stinky attitudes, and complaining all the time. Ask the Lord to help you, He's not surprised by whats happening.

3. My husband is cheating on me. What do I do? 
My heart breaks that you're going through this huge test. I couldn't imagine what you're going through right now. My advice to you would first and foremost is to believe God for reconciliation. If your husband is repentant, try to find counseling collectively & separately. The biggest hurtle with this test is trusting and and forgiveness. FORGIVE people when they sin against you. If you do, your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive people their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14, 15). This may seem impossible, but with God's grace, the victim can make it an act of the will in obedience to God's Word. To carry bitterness will affect attitudes, emotions, and the desire to obey God, and it will negatively affect everyday decisions. But the grace of God will greatly minister to your needs. We must let God minister to our needs-- running from your marriage into the arms of another man for payback or quitting on God will get you nowhere. Not forgiving & casting your care on God will birth a unforgiving heart that will soon be tormented with vengeful thoughts, anger, wrath, etc. Then, as God leads, forgiveness and reconciliation can follow. Even if this takes time, every effort must be made to forgive and reconcile. (See Matthew 5:23-24.)

4. How long.. do I have to keep doing the right thing until he changes?
Well, what is your motive for doing the right thing? For a cookie? I don't mean to be harsh sis, but if your motive is based on conditions, you've already lost the battle. We must do what we do out of real, unconditional love-- not out of a ".. he better respond this way or else" attitude. Although your words change, your demeanor may stay the same-- so he can sense your "funkiness." I'm always reminded of the grace Jesus gives me when I want to withhold grace from my husband.

5. Heather, why are you telling me everything I need to do and you aren't blaming this man!
Well, your man isn't reading this, you are sis. Again, lets get the focus off of you & put it on Jesus. Have you given up hope that the Lord can fix your problem? Remember that nothing is impossible for Him. He can restore, heal and give life again.


I love you all, I really do. I want nothing more than to see you joyful and fulfilling the will of God for your life and strife in your relationships could hinder that. If your hardened against your husband then you are also hardened against God. TRUST me that I am taking up my cross on a DAILY basis with my very STRONG personality-husband and praying for him to become more like Christ. You're not alone in this journey.

Just a few things:

1. SO excited that I just released my NEWEST book, "Dusty Crowns!!" Find it here. 

2. My hubby just released his newest book too!! It's called "Learning how to walk: Inspiring others to walk by faith!"  You can find it here. 

3. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

4. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

5.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

6. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

7. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

8. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

9. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My new book is here!!! "Dusty Crowns"


Dusty Crowns: Dusting yourself off and becoming the woman God called you to be




Have you ever felt like you are completely inadequate and regardless of what you do—you still don’t feel good enough? Well, Heather Lindsey felt the same way for years and she would try to earn God’s love and affirmation. After searching to fill her “God voids” in things, she learned what it meant to be the crown of her spiritual husband, God. Instead of chasing after unhealthy relationships, money and things, she sought a relationship with Jesus and He dusted her past off and made all things new. This book is a reminder that regardless of how far you have gotten away from God, He is still right there, ready to dust you off and make you whole.

In this book, you will:

• Learn what it means to be the crown of Jesus Christ and the crown of your physical husband, from the inside out.

• Learn to protect your heart, mind and life from distractions.

• Learn to enjoy the current season of your life and develop into the woman God called you to be.

• Learn to refuse to settle for anything or anyone less than God’s best for your life.

• See yourself how God sees you—valued, beautiful and special in His eyes.

• Take advantage of the tests and trails and develop in patience

Join Heather Lindsey on a heart-to-heart journey to becoming who God called you to be from the inside out. Dusty Crowns challenges women, whether single or married to be beautiful from the inside out and to accomplish the will of God for their life.

 You can find it HERE

or

Amazon/ Kindle

Thank you SO much for the love and support. After ONE day, the kindle version became the #1 best selling book! God is faithful.

ALSO, my amazing husband released HIS book as well! Its called: "Learning How to Walk: Inspiring Others to Walk By Faith" & you can find it here.

Thanks again.

Love you all,
Heather Lindsey 

Friday, May 30, 2014

"Why he's NOT going to be your Husband"




Can I be honest? I believe that there's this growing trend in the church of women, "waiting for their adam" to wake up and instead of trusting God & His timing-- they are becoming distracted. Its important that if you're "waiting" for your Adam to wake up, that your eyes are completely on Jesus and not crushing on every man at the church and social media. 

Lets check out these scenarios:

1. "Girlllll, you see that new man in that blue suit at church today? He is so fine. And did you see the way he looked at me and then when he went up for prayer? I was singing at church and the Lord told me to look right and then he said.. "that's going to be your husband." And I was like ooooh myyyy gosh, it's about time, my Adam woke up!! Let me go make sure he knows that he's going to be my husband."

Response: Sis, if it's God-- He will tell BOTH parties. You cannot manipulate your will over another persons will and pray that you'll end up together. If it's really God, peace will follow and He will divinely set things up. If not, it's not Him and it's witchcraft or manipulation. So, if the above is true, then rest. The problem with the above is this:: you may have your kids and entire life planned out and he may have a girlfriend who lives in another state. Then, when he brings his girlfriend to the church and she joins your small group-- you may be mad at her because you think she took your man. BUT, God wanted to use you in each others life but because you allowed jealousy, confusion & strife into your heart-- you passed up a beautiful relationship all in the name of bitterness. And honestly, if God did tell you that "he's going to be your husband, then mind your business-- even if it takes the guy a couple years to pursue you. God isn't a liar so if it's HIM, it will happen. Time shall tell so in the interim, get your mind OFF of a ring and onto Christ. When we redirect our focus, He fills us up & we learn that we need Him, not another event.

I recall a time where me and Cornelius were engaged and he was in the bookstore after church. I wasn't visiting that weekend and this woman asked him where todays "recorded" sermon was located and he showed her-- she continued to ask and then he said, "it's right in front of you, are you blind?" (my hubby's come a long way, he used to be very blunt! lol) She responded: "I'm not blind, matter of fact, I like exactly what I see."And he said, "I'm sorry, but I'm engaged." She said, "you're not married yet." Huh? Blank-stare. Don't be that woman sis.
(While Courting- Aug 2009)

2. GIRL! Have you seen so & so's instagram page? He talks so much about Jesus. I'm going to go on  his page and post things everyday so maybe he will notice me & reach out to me. 

Response: Well, your friend has been checking for so & so too and she thinks that he's the one for her too. Now, she feels uncomfortable sharing things with you so it's become a competition in her mind. So, now-- both of you are quietly chasing for this mans attention and he doesn't even know either of you exist & you're slowly becoming bitter towards your friend as she reminds you of how much she likes him daily.
I'm reminded of:
Song of Soloman 8:4 "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

There's a TIME that the love will be right and some of us are trying to wake up somebody else's adam.
So, until the right TIME comes, we have to rest and keep our eyes on Jesus. Remember this: If satan knows that you're thirsty for a man, he will send a man that your "old self" is attracted to but his heart won't be totally right with God. In your heart, you'll KNOW that you're settling. You will have zero peace about him but because you're lonely and tired of being single, you will continue to date him. You think in your mind that its better to be with someone than to be with no one & have to explain to others why you're single. But, if you continue in that mindset, you will ONLY dig a hole SO deep that you will eventually MISS out on the guy that God has for you.

If I can be transparent with you, I kept a boyfriend prior to my husband. I went from man to man, relationship to relationship because I liked the attention, to be loved and to be desired. But then, I kept hitting rock bottom in those relationships. And honestly, it wasn't always the guys-- it was ME. I was a TRAIN wreck. I tried to make those relationships idols and tag God's name to it. I tried to control the relationships and I continued to come up empty. I didn't need a man, I needed a Savior and I kept confusing the two. 

I wanted to be loved, cared for, thought about and protected but I didn't realize that I was searching in all the wrong places. Then, one day-- I realized that I will never be truly happy unless I'm whole in Jesus. I needed Him. So, I broke things off with my then boyfriend. I told him that I needed space and time to think because I'm confident that I was only ruining his life with my up and down confusion. I was single for a season and then I met my now husband. One of the FIRST questions my now husband asked me was pretty much this: "Do you have a boyfriend?"If I had a boyfriend, he would have kept it moving because a godly man with purpose doesn't have time for a woman with a bunch of baggage and a boyfriend. How do you expect the Holy Spirit to flow through that confusion? Why even start off on the wrong foot?

3. There's like NO men at my church, so I need to go after the ones that are there and get one before he's taken. 

Response: Sis, do you know that God can import a man? After I dated a few guys in NYC, I told the Lord that He is going to have to import my husband because I sure tried and I was TIRED of doing the picking. I told God that He's going to have to "drop" my husband from the sky and he literally did. :) My now husband had to fly into NYC for work every week so, he dropped into NYC from Atlanta. Isn't it funny how God has such a sense of humor? 

The truth:

You may think that getting into a relationship will fill your many voids but honestly, you will wake up one day and your bed may be filled with a husband and children but you still feel empty. You then blame your husband for not making you happy and nag him until you're blue in the face but it's not even him. You will tell him that he needs to work more hours, get your hair done, help more around the house or whatever else. But, it's not him.

Its you.

True joy comes from Jesus Christ and no human can ever, EVER, fill that void. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and our son, Logan-- but I understand that I have an assignment on this earth and that is to be a helper to my husband and to lead Logan to Jesus. Prior to this season, God really began to prepare my heart and show me who I was in Him. He showed me that humans are great people but terrible gods and he reminded me that marriage is a ministry of serving each other. If you get into a relationship with the mindset that someone is going to solve all of your problems, you may find that you're disappointed with unmet expectations. 

You're NOT content sis! Be honest with yourself! Go to the Lord and tell Him that you're discontent, mad, bitter or whatever else! He can WORK with an honest woman! 


4. You  meet a guy at church and you hear "he's going to be your husband" and you get so excited and gitty! But, you fail to look down at his ring finger and he's really married. 

Response: So, wait. That's not going to be your husband or is he going to leave his wife for you? Why would you ever, ever want to even start a relationship off with the foundation of adultery? And if he is dumb enough to leave his wife for you, he will most likely leave you for another after a few years of marriage.  And if you are married and you're reading this-- whatever you're searching for outside of your marriage can only be find WITHIN your marriage. You want excitement again? Get your butt up and be romantic, be exciting, pray for the spark to come back into your marriage and stop thinking that some other human can satisfy you. 


5. I'm going to another church where I can get noticed and so my husband can find me. 

Response: Sis, there's 6 billion people on this earth, if God wants you to meet someone, you will meet them and connect with them based on HIS timing, not your timing. My husband and I went to the same church and walked by each other for 3 years. We even were in the same meetings together sitting just a few feet away from one another. BUT, we didn't connect until 3 years later because we both weren't READY. As a single, I learned that if I cannot trust God for my spouse, then how can I trust Him for anything else? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to be married and have kids one day. I let GO of trying to control it and I told God that I believe that HE put the desire in my heart for a family. So, since HE put that desire in my heart, HE is going to bring it to pass-- not ME. 

So, cheers to burning the "you're going to be my husband" card. As women, we will no longer chase down a man, instead, we will chase down Christ. The end.

And one day, you will THANK GOD that "he's not going to be your husband" because God can see what you cannot SEE. God protects you more than you'll ever know and when he DOES introduce you to HIS best for your life, you will be thankful that it didn't work out with anybody else. So, let's get back to the heart of worship. Lets get back on our face with our attention turned to Jesus and not man. 


And P.S.-- sorry that I took so long in posting again. It's been an amazing month! I connected with my birth family and met my birth mother in Vegas this past week! AND I just finished my 3rd book that will be released in July! Eek! God is faithful!


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com. Use code JESUS for 10% off!

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 24,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com

7. I will be in Detroit speaking on June 14th and I would LOVE to meet you!! http://estore.greatergrace.org/SearchResults.asp?Cat=18

8. We are hosting an event in LA on October 4th, I want to see you there! http://www.eventbee.com/v/pinkypromise/event?eid=169814152

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

Me & my birth mama! Meeting after 31 years for the first time! :) I will be doing a youtube video on the journey & how I found her!

























Sunday, April 27, 2014

"Modesty Rebirth: What Should I Wear Today?"


Can I be honest? I used to love my short shorts and mini-skirts. I have naturally muscular legs so I figured, I got it, why can't I show it? I mean, it isnt' hurting anyone.

Until.. I met my husband. 

I recall flying into Atlanta and wearing this long maxi dress. The dress length wasn't the issue, the issue was the v-cut top portion that showed a little bit of cleavage. I don't have a huge chest, so I rationalized that I don't really have cleavage as an average B cup woman. He said to me, "Heather, do you have a jacket or a tank-top that you can put on? It's important to me that my girlfriend is classy and keeping things covered." So, reluctantly, I put a tank-top on and thought to myself, "gosh, this tank top totally ruined my outfit" but then.. 

God checked my own heart. 

He said to me, "Do you want attention from Me or do you want attention from men & to be a stumbling block for men?

Wait, I don't want to be a stumbling block for anyone Lord! I don't want MY way of dressing to encourage sin in a man's heart! Not only that, I KNEW Cornelius was going to be my one-day husband  and I knew that I needed to listen to him. I was beginning to practice submission as the Lord led me so, this was a challenge. 
As I started dressing more classy, my heart used to break at old photos of myself. Then, I would see women out & about and I would want to run up to them & say, GIRL! You are beautiful! You don't have to sell yourself short  show your goodies! This wasn't me saying, "oh, I'm so much better than anyone" But it's saying, "honey, I've been there. YOU are so precious to Jesus. You're such a jewel. WHY are your ta's ta's out? That isn't your body to show off, you're simply a manager of your body. It belongs to the Lord.  What you show is what men think you will share! Godly men want a godly woman! I remember that I used to dress that way to get attention from men. I did it because I was insecure and I didn't feel good about myself. I did it because I had no conviction. I did it because even if God tried to convict me or if an older woman corrected me, my rebellious heart rejected any leading. And in the world of social media & pictures, what are you showing? If a godly man wanted to go online & check you out, would he pass you by because you're half naked in all of your photos? 

So now, I like to run my clothes by my husband prior to leaving the house. I only want to look good for him and please him and most times, if my dress is too short, I'm convicted before I even open my mouth to ask him.  We actually BOTH show one another our outfits & help each other get dressed daily. It's not like he has this stick & he's yelling at me to dress a certain way. We WANT to please each other & we find pleasure in it. The great thing about my hubby is that when we are on vacation once or twice a year, he's much more relaxed about me wearing dresses a couple inches above my knee vs. at my knee. But that is MY husband & its what he likes. If you're rolling your eyes at me, I want to encourage you to check out my blog on submission. I believe in the headship that God set in place and I LOVE the protection. 

To bring balance to this, I once heard of a woman that said that "women cannot wear pants or wear short-sleeved shirts." Let's be clear: Modesty isn't you dressing like a nun. The obedience of a child of God is not measured by what clothing we wear but by our walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:16). Thus, if you are LED by the Spirit of GOD, you will naturally cover up that tail. If you're led by your flesh, insecurities and whatever else. you will be by your own desires. 

I know that some really conservative people may read this & say, "WOMEN AREN'T SUPPOSED TO WEAR PANTS! There is a passage in the Old Testament that speaks about a woman wearing men's clothing: "A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this" (Deuteronomy 22:5). Remember in studying the scriptures, we must look at the context of the scripture. The context of this scripture is the second giving of the law to the nation of Israel as they were preparing to enter the Promised Land. Deuteronomy 22:5 is an admonition not to live as a transvestite. This has to do with more than just clothing; it also speaks of a life that mimics in every way those of the opposite sex. Transvestitism was a practice of the Canaanites, and Israel was to consider it an abomination. We take a principle from this and apply it to our lives as believers, but we must use it in the context in which it is given. SO many Christians are skipping around here, applying scriptures out of context and BASHING everyone else that doesn't agree with their convictions. Honey, if that is your conviction, rock with it. My conviction is not eating meat. I share the benefits of a healthy digestive system but I'm not about to stuff it down your throat & tell you that you're so wrong. If it's CLEAR in scripture, like submit to your husband, no sex outside of marriage, forgive, etc-- I get it. But, some areas-- it's vital that you're led by the Spirit of God. THIS is where a relationship with Him comes into play. 
One of my favorite disciples, Paul wrote on the difference between the law and grace in Romans. We are not justified by our adherence to the law, but we are justified by faith in Christ (Romans 3:21-28). The believer in Christ Jesus is "dead" to the constraints of the law. "But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code" (Romans 7:6). Therefore, a believer does not live by legalism, nor by license, but rather by grace.

What has that to do with a believing woman wearing pants? There is no biblical law that says what a woman should wear or not wear. Rather, the issue is one of modesty.

"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God" (1 Timothy 2:9-10). 

I did a bit of research about the greek breakdown of that scripture:

The Greek word translated "modest" is the Greek word kosmios, which is translated twice in the New Testament, once as "modest" in this passage and once as "of good behavior" in 1 Timothy 3:1. It came to mean "well-arranged, seemly, and modest."The word clothes is the Greek word katastole. The meaning of the word was "to send or to let down or lower." 

It was primarily a garment that was let down and in that day referred to a stole or a loose outer garment worn by kings and persons of rank. Since we know that Paul was not speaking to people of rank, the context here is simply modest attire, and it does not specify what that means. 

Paul talked about this issue here because the women in the church were trying to outdo each other in how they dressed, and the flashier the better. They were losing sight of the things that should focus on as a godly woman—humility, sobriety, godliness, and good works. The words "dress modestly" are not used here in the context of specific garments, but rather to being modest in what they wear. It should not be used to prove as some law against wearing pants (also see 1 Peter 3:3-4).

So, the FOCUS is that a woman should wear modest clothing. Whether or not that includes a pair of slacks should be a matter for the woman's own conscience before the LORD. If a woman allows her outward appearance to be the measure of her inward relationship with Christ, she is living under the constraints of the law. Born-again women are free in Christ to wear whatever modest apparel they choose, and the only judgment they should be under is that of their own conscience. "Everything that does not come from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). We are not to allow our consciences to be dictated to by legalism and the consciences of others, but by our own relationship with Christ. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). God will take care of the outward woman if we walk in obedience in the inward woman. So, what good is it for you to wear your long skirts but you are mean? What good is it to wear your long sleeved shirts if you are unforgiving? God is searching your heart sis. 

So, now that we cleared that up, let's talk about some practice tips of dressing modest & being fabulous. 

1. Figure out what clothes WORK for YOUR body. My "problem" area has ALWAYS been my lower abs! It's NOT as ripped as I would like for it to be! No matter how much I work out, I always end up with a 4 pack & not a six pack. Nonetheless, I don't like to wear dresses and shirts that are super tight in that area. So, I have found that peplum tops and dresses that are fitted & then "poof" out work best for me! Could I wear tighter shirts? Yes! But even so, I am most comfortable in the above!
**In the picture to the right, you would be surprised to find out that my green top & my best friend, Delan's pant suit is from Forever 21! My jeans are Seven Jeans & my shoes are Giuseppe Zanotti.

2. Where do I shop? EVERYWHERE! I don't discriminate from Thrift stores, to Target, to Saks, To Bloomingdales to wherever. If I can be totally honest, I like to buy things of good quality. I would rather buy a purse that will last me 30 years versus buying a purse every year because it falls apart. If you do the math, you actually save money buying the quality items. Not only that, if you ever needed to sell that item, you would STILL be able to get your money back years and years later. I once bought a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes at a thrift store for $100. I was able to sell them on Ebay for $300 because I knew of someone who had a need. I wore those shoes for a couple years as well! That is one of the joys of buying quality items.

3. Some of my favorite places to shop outside of the normal stores:
  • Asos (www.asos.com) They have amazing midi-dresses and skirts!
  • ModCloth (www.modcloth.com) think vintage, fabulous!
  • Ebay (www.ebay.com) I'm HUGE on finding brands for cheap online! Why pay full price when you can find the same quality at a bargain?
  • Amazon (www.amazon.com) I LOVE being a Prime member. You pay a annual fee to get 2-day shipping. This comes in handy when I need items for Logan or for myself last minute. 
  • Outlet Shopping: I LOVE outlet shopping! You can find last years goodies for super cheap!
  • Goodwill! (www.shopgoodwill.com) Did you know that you can bid on goodies from ebay for super cheap? Another awesome way to find bargains.
  • MY boutique! (www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com) I do have some clothes on there + some amazing accessories! 
  • Choies (www.choies.com) has fabulous skirts like my skirts above! They are midi length! Note that some items are 1 size fits all so be sure to check the sizes prior to ordering! 
4. Practice makes perfect. When I was single, I would have a rough day, or want to go shopping but knew I was on a budget so I would try on clothes & come up with outfits when I had down time. Playing dress up for me was therapeutic because I was able to actually SEE the stuff in my closet. At times, we just shop and then throw more items into our closet. If you take the time to organize it and actually see what is in your closet, I doubt you would buy as much more. 

5. Ask a friend to help you! If you have a friend that LOVES style, clothes and putting outfits together, ask her to help you out! 

6. BONUS: I LOVE boutiques! They have one-of-a-piece items that are affordable!



I pray that this gave you clarity on being modest! I posted some photos of modest outfits that I've worn recently! If you have a desire to dress more modestly, I believe that the Lord will help you & give you wisdom.


Just a few things:

1. I  opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more  for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.

2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It's out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey's

3.  If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: "The Gathering Oasis"  931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.

4. My book is selling like crazy! I'm so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts:  www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, "A Perfect Recipe" here!

5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don't want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com

6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There's about 21,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com



God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey 












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